Things the world needs: Exit Interview for Ex's

So I had this conversation with a very good friend of mine that I would link to if she wrote a blog but she doesn't so that just makes this an awkward long sentence.

She has had some bad luck with dating recently, and was telling me about it. Wisely, she was not seeking my advice because I don't really claim to be any sort of an expert on that, with notable exceptions.

For the most part, it's KAT that is the expert on the dating thing. Though since we're both out of practice, I thought I'd try to approach this latest dating dilemma my friend is going through with an approach I'm most familiar with: a business approach.

We've decided really, all parties would be best served by an exit interview after the last date. The problem with administering this kind of thing is that you sometimes don't KNOW when the last date is. Problematic *and* potentially embarrassing.

This is why I propose an online Exit Survey that can be administered to the man/woman who so recently decided to "go in a different direction" - mainly, away from you. (I'm totally going to create this - don't go stealing my idea, Interweb. I'll kick your pixels from here to Al Gore's house.)

So here's my sample survey, but I'd love to get some more input from the Interweb. Please add your questions in the comments.

1. Describe the main reason we won't be romantically linked going forward:

a) I'm just not attracted to you
b) I'm attracted to you, but I find myself drawn to everyone else *more* than you.
c) I have recently decided to pursue other options (the waitress from last night's date, your best friend, your sister, your ex-boyfriend, etc)
d) You are way too serious for my liking.
e) You're the bees knees, honey, but I have been kidnapped by aliens.
f) You scare me a little.

2. How would you describe my abilities as a love interest:

a) I've made out with my hand and evoked more enthusiasm.
b) You were okay, but frankly, I'm more into me. Tell me more about my eyes.
c) You were brilliant, but alas, your brilliance is intimidating.
d) You need to step it back, honey. There's no need to pack me my lunch and send me off to work with a silkscreened lunch bag says says "SJ loves J 4Ever" - on our second date.
e) You would be awesome if you showed one iota of interest in just something I did or said.
f) You were an awesome love interest. But I found a better one.

3. Does your not seeing me anymore have anything to do with (choose one):

a) me not sleeping with you?
b) me sleeping with you?
c) that time I threw up on you?
d) that time I dropped my beer all over you?
e) the fact that all of my friends (appear to) hate you?
f) that time I made you miss the Red Sox game to go to my cousin's wedding?

4. What was your favorite quality of mine?

a) I'm hilarious.
b) I'm incredibly intelligent.
c) I'm bee-you-tea-full.
d) I have tons of super awesome friends.
e) I have a really nice car/house/apartment.
f) I am incredibly fun to be around.

5. What was one thing I need to work on?

a) I need to have a better sense of humor.
b) I need to read more.
c) I need to work on my fashion sense/overall look.
d) I need to find new/more friends.
e) I am too involved with work/charities/organizing other people's lives.
f) I need to figure out how to better relate to humanity.


So. There you are. My first draft. What do we think?

My overdue recap of quotes after hanging out with KAT last weekend

So last weekend we got together for some awesomely not really planned until the last minute fun.

Which is always a good time.

And all we have for you, really, is this list of quotes. We think it defines what it's like to hang out with KAT, me, the PH and J just perfectly.

"Dude, your ten year old self would kick your own ass right now." -- J to the PH after the PH demanded KAT use the firepit to light off fireworks. (Note: Said fireworks pictured below.)

"You had to come down here and save me?" -- KAT.
"I'm coming down here to save the neighborhood." -- the PH to KAT, while standing immediately next to her with a hose in case that Roman Candle set the entire water-soaked lawn on fire.

"Stop pointing fireworks at my lawn and at the pine trees." -- PH to KAT (see above.)

"Are you offended I don't want to continue talking about your penis?" -- SJ to the PH.
"Whatever, just play." -- The PH responded sullenly. Note: To clarify, we were playing setback. Of course. Lots and lots of setback.

"Give the girl 3 martinis and she's 13." -- PH to KAT. which resulted in an:
"uhhhhhh...." from the rest of us and also for KAT to tell me:
"SJ, transcribe this entire conversation."

"That's fine. I'll take the PH home." J to me and KAT - I don't remember what prompted this, but I'm pretty sure it implied a romantic relationship between our spouses.

"When my wife doesn't work, she's going in the garbage." -- J (That's right, ladies. He's mine! Back off!)

"This is probably going on the blog." -- the PH

"If that's where I have to go to find love and support and people that don't pee on themselves..." -- KAT.

I had nothing recorded after that, as I had fallen into fits of laughter too hard to hold the pen.

Good news though. We're getting together again tomorrow night. Let the shenanigans rule!

Rhetorical questions (but feel free to answer...)

While I was walking the dogs this morning, one of them paused halfway through to vomit in the middle of the road three times. I may have made her finish the rest of the walk. Does that make me a bad mother?

The Pretend Husband just quit his job and is planning to open his own business. Despite all of the work I'm doing for it, he would agree only to name me "Director of Marketing." I may have traded in some sexual favors in order to be promoted to "Vice President." Does that make me a bad person?

One of the people who works for me, an older man, cannot ever say my name correctly (seriously, he's gotten it correct once in the five years he's worked for me). Let's say my name is KAT [Married Name]-- well, this guy introduced me to a group of high school students this morning as "Chat" [Maiden Name]. I may have interrupted to give my real name and followed up with, "so you're wrong on both counts." Does that make me a bad boss?

SJ's List: Things that Failed this Week

I'm tired and cranky, but somewhat appeased by a fantastic bagel, and taking a minute out of my day to confess that I've been out there, lurking on your sites, and not commenting. Sorry, Interweb.

But in hopes of entertaining with my misfortune, I have compiled a list of things that failed this week.

1) My spelling of the word "week." I've corrected it from wek at least 14 times so far in this post.
2) My ability to comment on various blogs, including Andy's, Sam's, Muffy's - just to name a couple. Or wait. That's more than two. Just to name a threesome, then. I've totally lurked... hit the comment button and then: Brain Fail.
3) Time. I had nothing to do with this. Time failed me. Or daylight lose an hour of sleepness. Whichever.
4) Sleep also failed me.
5) The ending to last night's Grey's Anatomy. FAIL.
6) My ability to slam a door in someone's face. FAIL. Because I don't have one.
7) My rule of not staying past 7 at work.
8) My strict I'm Going to Mexico diet.
9) My intentions of restarting my pilates routine.
10) My plan to clean my extra room and start sewing.

So yeah, this was, on the whole, an unsuccessful week. However, we may end on a positive note, since KAT and I will be bonding over tacos and setback tonight. I know. I bet you wish you were with us. We wish that too. I'd invite you over, but it's not my house.

I hope that next week will be better for all of us. It's already looking up, what with it not being an hour shorter and all.

OH! AND! This weekend I will have an important annoucement. It has to do with... babies.

My cheeks are burning as I type this...

In lieu of amusing you today, I'm going to confess something completely and utterly embarrassing (which, come to think of it, probably will amuse you). Did you ever have a dream (perhaps even a dream where you are-- ahem-- getting intimate...) about somebody that you would never, ever think about-- ahem-- getting intimate with in real life?

But you have that dream and the next time you see them, either in real life (or say... on the news), you're completely embarrassed and can't even look them in the eye (or even look at them on the screen...)? Yeah, I had one of those last night. And I soooo don't want to admit who it was because I do find it incredibly embarrassing. But, I can't think of anything else to write about today, so I will share. It was...

Barack Obama

Augh! I can't even type it without my face turning totally red. I'm not even sure why I'm so mortified by this confession of mine (except who dreams about getting lucky with politicians--  and does not having this dream about a rock star or a model make me old?!?), but I do know one thing. I will feel so much better if you tell me something embarrassing about yourself. (And if you do happen to know Michelle Obama, could you tell her I apologize for dream macking on her husband? Thanks.)

what I do when my husband isn't home part 2

i sent this pic to my husband who had to work on monday. i did not. i also informed him that i picked up the dog poop in the yard and reminded him we had plans for dinner with KAT and SRG and their hubbies.



he told me i was the best wife ever. i think, however, if he had other wives, i probably wouldn't retain that title. and we probably wouldn't be married.

as for dinner? such a great time. as always. i love SRG and KAT oodles, mostly because they are fun and don't pick on me for wearing renaissance outfits and singing to twos of people. oh wait. they *do* pick on me for that. but i love them anyway. silly bitches.

current itunes song: "all my friends" LCD Soundsystem featuring Franz Ferdinand

SJ's Adventures in Animal Husbandry

So I was in 4H as a child, as I've previously discussed. You'd think that would have prepared me for my afternoon adventures pimping out rabbits.

It didn't.

What's that, you ask? You want me to elaborate on pimping out rabbits?

You asked for it.

J and I stopped by to visit my parents, like we try to do every weekend. Only this time, on our way out to the little barn in back, dad asked us to "breed the bunnies."

me: "Wait, what?"
dad: "You were a 4H-er."

I was. But for the record, my trophies were in Wood Working and Flower Arranging.

Ergo, comedy ensues.

We figured really, how hard can it be? Put the male bunny into the female bunny's hutch, and let them have at it. We figured that can't be hard. So we take the black (male) bunny, and put it into the hutch of the white with black female lop bunny. My goal here was to try and get a black lop bunny out of the deal. I realize there's a science here, but, I was kind of more relying on the fact that there are only two colors at work here, and one black bunny plus one black and white bunny equals at least one black bunny.

J holds up on the hutch as I grab the black bunny and put him into the hutch of the shy black and white bunny. I felt badly. I mean. I should have at least given her some flowers? Maybe turn on some music? Within 10 seconds, the black bunny was. Um. "Finished."

"Do you think they want to cuddle?" J asked.
The black bunny stomped his haunches. I scolded him. "That is *not* how you win her love and affection."

All in all, the first one went off without a hitch. I wasn't sure, however, if I should have put a curtain up so the other female couldn't see what was going on.

As it turns out, I probably should have.

Next we tried to mate the male grey bunny with the other lop - a pretty white with brown and grey spots. Let me just stipulate that my father swears that the lops were both female.

So imagine my surprise when I put the grey male in and the lop mounts him immediately. He didn't so much as put up a fight! We were floored. Not as floored, however, as when the male then mounted the female's head.

"They're doing it wrong!"
"What do we do?"
"Get him! I feel like I'm watching Oz!"

We let them go. um. after each other a few more times. And then the two of them laid down in the corner.

"OH MY GOD! They're cuddling!"
"He's gay."
"He's NOT GAY! He's sensitive."

Finally, without a small degree of scurrying, I managed to grab the grey one and put him back in his hutch.

And then we had to explain this to my parents. Which, honestly, can be a little awkward. Go ahead. I dare you. Try to explain the concept of the male mounting the female's head to your mother.

"I know what it's called when *humans* do it... but..."

All in all, I'm not sure I'm cut out to run a bunny brothel. I think maybe next time, I'll leave it to the experts.

He's Just Not That Into You

In honor of this movie coming out today (and yes, I will be going to see it opening weekend because a) I love me a good chick flick and b) I may be able to relate to some of these characters), I thought I'd come up with my own list of Ways to Tell if he's just not that into you.

I'd like to point out that hindsight is 20/20, and had I actually been able to have an out of body experience in my past dating life, it would have been a little easier on me because I could have given myself tips. Or I never would have dated anyone, and would be alone living with several rabbits (because I'm not much of a cat person) and maybe would have learned to knit.

So, here are my tips based on real life events that I've dealt with at some point in my dating history for evaluating just how into you he really is. If at all. In my estimation. Which could be way off. And in fact, probably is.

1) You meet him for a blind/internet/random date. Thankfully, I've met most of my ex boyfriends in person and didn't really deal with the uncomfortable blind datey-ness. But I dealt with it enough to know that if he is avoiding eye contact, checking out the waitress or any other female in the room and constantly looking at his phone, he's probably not into you.

2) You have a date. He calls with a lame excuse and asks to cancel. And doesn't call back. Probably not into you.

3) He is a famous movie star who starred as Mr. Darcy in the BBC verion of Pride and Prejudice. You are a schoolmarmish yet attractive bookworm from Connecticut who's idea of a good time is playing Boggle in a coffee shop or scrabble over a bottle of wine. He's probably not into you.

4) You have a total connection. You like him. He likes you. You're certain of it. You click. You have a great makeout session. He calls you one month later to tell you sorry. He's been busy with work. Chances are? He's not into you. Maybe you are not the fantastic makeout queen you think you are. But then you make out with someone else, and realize, no. You are. He's just not that into you.

5) You throw up on him. He asks you to marry him. Ding Ding! He *is* into you.

Really, what it comes down to is that there is no accounting for chemistry. I cannot explain it, having dated a swath of either side of the dating spectrum.

It's not about looks (although, it's oddly true that only one of my past love interests has had perfect vision -- I seem to dig guys with four eyes), or height, or intelligence -- although I have my preferences. There's just something that clicks with a person -- even with friends.

Some people you like, some people you don't. And if you try (AHEM, my dearest friend whom I affectionally call 'pea') to understand why, you'll drive yourself crazy.

I say this, of course, immediately after having 231 conversations with various friends about all of these situations. Except maybe number 3. I realize that if Colin Firth ever met me, he'd totally fall in love with me. I've already warned J that he'd better stop discussing our marital issues with random waitresses.

And really. Knowing that he's just not into me? Just not enough.

Things Not to Do On a Date

First off, I know. I'm a serious blog slacker this week and last week. I'm really sorry. I'm making the rounds tonight, however, as I drink my third martini.

(Note from SJ: I started this Friday, but finishing Saturday. In the 24 hour period, I've had four martinis. I consider that a decent average. In fact, I should really make another one.)

My comments will likely get funnier, however -- so there's that.

But I was inspired by a friend of mine and a show that he saw that was seriously disturbing. Except that it wasn't the concert that was disturbing. It was in fact, the serious PDA issue going on.

So we had a discussion about the serious mistakes we've witnessed (or in my case, actually experienced) over the years. It brought me to this here list of skin crawling dating moments -- and just plain "you're doing it wrong" moments in my romantic life.

1) Your tongue is not a weapon.
I hope you've never experienced it -- but sadly, I bet a few of you may know what I'm talking about. Guys, when you stab your tongue so deeply and violently into our mouths that we can no longer breathe, it's not enjoyable. And that gagging noise is me begging for oxygen. Or trying to tell you something but can't form proper sounds because you have stifled me with TOO MUCH tongue. Incidentally, it is *never* okay to lick someone's face. Unless your name is Bailey and you're my springer spaniel.

2) DUDE. Get Your Hands... Off...
There are few things worse than being inappropriately groped in public -- particularly when you're, say, in line at the grocery store. There's a limit to my love. And that limit is in plain sight when I could run into my kindergarten teacher, or worse, my mom.

3) Ouch. Stop. Stabbing me with your chin.
Have you ever met the angry kisser? I have. He used to attack me. I'm not sure if he was so afraid of rejection that his method of attempting to kiss me was to do it machine gun style, but whatever the reason, it was a scary thing. I tended to dodge. I dodged once and nearly got a black eye, however. Note: This is far worse if the dude has sharp, pointy facial hair.

4) The neck grab.
Okay - now, I admit, that I do sometimes like a little -- minor -- forcefulness. Like for instance, we're in a heated debate over the election of 1912 (which, is highly possible. Have you met my husband? History geek. And I love him for it), and in order to shut me up, he decides to kiss me. Okay, so my husband doesn't do this - but I wouldn't mind if he did. However -- what is *not* okay is when the dude wrestles you from behind and puts you in a chokehold. This is least effective when the guy is your height or shorter than you. I'm not sure why they think the Vulcan neck pinch is acceptable and necessary to kiss you.

5) The Stone Lipped Man.
Have you met him? He's a really super awesomely nice guy. But somehow, he managed to turn 26 without ever learning how to kiss. I was about 22. We dated a few times, and he refused to make a move. Finally, one night after cooking me dinner, he attempted to kiss me. Only he somehow replaced his lips when I wasn't looking with cold, hard marble. It was just. I mean. No. Not good.

6) Sand paper face.
Before every date, I make a point to shave my legs. Even now, when my dates are going to Home Depot with my husband -- still I shave my legs. But goodness. Those make out sessions with guys who don't shave -- OUCH. I like having skin on my face. And I like kissing you. Don't make me choose.

7) The questionable move.
Maybe I don't speak for all women, but I know I speak for most of the ones I know: don't make us make the first move. It can be subtle. We don't need a hollywood kiss. Just maybe -- the brush of your lips across the cheek. A forehead kiss. Something sweet, romantic and subtle enough to let us know that you're into us. There's nothing worse than those limbo dates. And trust me - we do analyze these moments for hours on end. No pressure.

I'm sure I missed some things... and I would be willing to bet that our reading public has some good stories. So, let's hear them. Worse dating faux pas? Anybody? Is this thing on?

Today is a good day.

I'm going to take a break from my blog-coma to just share my thoughts about today.

I don't work in a very politically charged environment. It seems more of a keep it up your sleeve kind of office. But today, for a moment, a handful of us gathered in the large conference room to watch the inauguration on CNN live.

For 30 minutes, a handful of like-minded but very different people sat in awe, watching a truly historic moment. I've seen the facebook updates all day long -- some people arguing that despite the historical significance, he has no magic wand. And while that's true, I think something should be said for such an amazing rally of people who seem just a bit more hopeful and a bit happier.

It's amazing to watch, and I'm happy to sit back and watch stoic people smile, and watch cynical people crack - just enough - to think, well, maybe.

While I was watching, I heard from a friend who's traveling in Europe. Where he was in Brussels, people were gathered around a TV to watch.

I'm happy to have seen it. I hope for the best. I feel today, more than most days, that there is always hope for change, because change is inevitable. It will happen. It's just a matter of keeping up with the tide.

Hugs and kisses to you, Interweb.

Love,
sj

I'd like to thank the Academy... and Sam

I won an award! I'm so honored... although I suspect that this one will be a particular challenge.

I won this:



Which is totally awesome. Thank you, Sam! I heart you and your awesome blog...

But there are rules to follow, kids, so I can't get ahead of myself. I have to do these things:

A) first list 10 honest things about yourself - and make it interesting, even if you have to dig deep!
B) pass the award on to 7 bloggers that you feel embody the spirit of the Honest Scrap."

This is going to be tricky, because I have been telling you all too much about myself for a long time now. What could you *possibly* not know?

well, let's give it a whirl, shall we?

SJ's 10 Honest Confessions
1) I am a nester, a packrat and a mess. I accumulate crap so much - I have no idea where it all comes from. But I collect things in piles, and when I clean, I tend to go in the opposite direction and trash large amounts of things (though not blindly, because I also tend to take DAYS to fill two garbage bags).

2) I am terrified of being alone at night -- and being alone in general. When j is traveling, I keep the light on downstairs, and usually can't fall asleep without a few glasses of wine. While I would never remarry, I would likely have a string of bad relationships. I say this based on previous experience.

3) I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up. I don't plan to stay in my current field beyond the next two years. I'm hoping my next job allows me to work in sweat pants and on my couch.

4) I am a fairly private person -- well, you know... except for all of the crap I spill on the blog. But I can count on one hand the people that know my deepest, darkest thoughts and secrets. I am afraid of any one person knowing me too well, so I tend to share only small pieces of things to those five.

5) If a can of frosting is left in the fridge, I will eat it. Ergo, I only make homemade frosting.

6) I have a deep and passionate lust for DVF clothing, though my closet is limited to just one dress and one skirt. But my closet bursts forth with another 12 black dresses, 4 black skirts, and another half dozen shirt dresses of varying color and pattern.

7) I have used the power of my cleavage to my advantage, and I likely will again.

8) I am easily grated by people who claim to be addicted to exercise. In fact, I can't stand those people.

9) I hate meeting new people, and have intense anxiety about going to new places and being forced to mingle. I'd prefer to pluck out every single one of my eyelashes.

10) I cannot drink out of a bottle that someone else is drinking out of -- no matter who it is. The idea of drinking someone's backwash is enough to turn my stomach.

And now I must tag and offer this award up to 7 deserving bloggy buddies... which is tricky. Because some of my favorite people to tag have already been tagged a million times. So, I'm going to emphasize new and old favorite bloggers worthy of such an award:

srg
TishTash
Muffy
Stephanie
Geiger Girl
KAT (is it cheating if I tag my co-blogger? I submit not.)
Chris

Man alive! Tagged *again*... I love being popular.

First off, please continue with our wonderful story featuring my parents, Joey Tribiani, Jen Aniston and Brangelina. I'm curious to see how this turns out.

The always awesome Sam tagged me yesterday in her myriad of posts, and because yesterday we stole Southern Belle's game, I thought I'd try Sam's meme before we continue the story that the Belle tagged us with.

The rules:

1. Link to the person where you received it
2. Share 7 random/weird facts about yourself
3. Tag 7 Random people at the end of your post and include links
4. Let 'em know they were tagged.

Now, these are always fun, and although I'm pretty sure you know every odd and random fact about me - like my M & M issues or all about my deeply held beliefs.

And I did just do something similar for my dirty mistress Facebook (and I confess that I may be repeating some of those). But I bet there's enough weird about me that I can come up with 7 more. Why not?

1) I have double jointed fingers.
2) I also am left-handed and have atrociously bad hand-writing, but it's worse when my hands are cold. I cannot write if my hands are cold. They cramp up.
3) My first pet was a sheep named Grey Grey. I was 3.
4) I always book my airplane seats near or on the wings. I'm convinced that will save my life some day.
5) I have no feeling on my bottom lip or chin on the right side, which gives me a crooked smile.
6) I cry at anything, including and not limited to bill boards, commercials, movies, books, songs and random thoughts.
7) I split my head open on the same rocking chair three times when growing up. You'd think my parents would have gotten rid of it. But no. It's still there.

And now!
My tags!

1) KAT, of course. I can't steal all the random fun.
2) Andy, although he did just spill 100 things about himself. This may be tricky.
3) Stephanie, because she strikes me as someone with fun peccadilloes.
4) Scargosun, whose blog I just started reading not too long ago, but she's such fun!
5) SRG, because I know firsthand how wacky she is.
6) Bryan, because he hasn't posted in a while, and this can be bullet-pointed.
7) Muffy, because she's damned funny and sassy and I dig her blog.

Okay, kids. Have fun!

current itunes song: "joy to the world" by the celtic ladies

Don't you already know enough about me?

I can't not get in on this little contest from our good bloggy buddy Andy.

That's why I'm responding to his challenge.
My mission? Write one post on my blog this week describing:
A) Something nobody knows about me, or
B) One of my favorites stories from my childhood, or
C) My 10 Top Favorite (Fill in the Blank).

And because you all know everything whacky about me - that leaves out a. And you all know I had a crazy childhood filled with goats, sheep, chickens and what not, that leaves out b.

So C it is.

My Top 10 Favorite uh... uh... let's go with - My Top 10 Favorite Holiday Things. Or:

Top 10 Favorite Things I Love About the Holidays

1) The days off. That sounds lame, I realize, but really. I couldn't be more ecstatic that this is a short week and that I will have the next four days off. The whole turkey thing is just icing. But not turkey-flavored icing. Because that'd be gross.
2) All the parties and reasons to get dressed up. I love getting dressed up in fancy holiday wear. And my company has a fancy schmancy party each year that requires me to get a new outfit every year. I loves it.
3) Getting to spend extra time with my family and friends. Holidays mean VISITORS! And ENTERTAINING! Two things I love, but don't get any of during the rest of the year. And I love cooking for friends. I just don't get to do it often.
4) Two words: Christmas Trees.
5) Two more words: Christmas Lights.
6) And two more: Santa Claus
7) Cookie swaps! I'm doing one through work this year. We had one in our family, but my poor sister got tired out with all of the stress it caused (and it's tough to organize and believe you me-- making 9 dozen cookies is no easy thing.)
8) ABC Family's 25 days of corny, lame, schmaltzy Christmas movies.
9) Slower month at work, allowing me time to regain my sanity and give me more hours in the week to work on all the year end crap I must face.
10) 24 hours of Christmas Carols.

Now, I realize that some of you out there may say "Boo - Christmas is so commercial. yada yada...."

But you know what? I don't care. Keep that thought to yourself, because I freaking love Christmas, all right?

And if I have to hear one more person complain about the fact that I am going to put up my two Christmas trees the day after Thanksgiving, they're going to find themselves at the sharp pointy end of said tree. Like a freaking Christmas angel, all right?

Quit your whining and enjoy the freaking spirit of the freaking season, people.

Happy Holidays!

Love,
SJ

Bloggin' it Old School

Because I am so very lazy, and we have some new readers, I thought I'd go old school on y'all. I found this while being a creeper and loitering on other people's blogs. Shh. Don't tell the person I got it from.

Feel free to steal it and repost on your blog! I won't even say that you should say something nice about me (i.e. freakin' lazy sj finally posts, and she was totally lame about it).

1) What would you say your most fundamental flaw is?
i have so many flaws, but one particular flaw is my inability to walk away when i should. this applies to many things, and it's fairly universal. it's very hard for me to let go, even when something is hurting me.

2) What was your dream growing up?
i wanted to be a famous actress or singer. but i think it's safe to say I wanted to be famous (which i funny, because now i prefer to be anonymous). i also wanted to be an FBI agent. in fact, a combination of all three would have been ideal. so, an actress playing an FBI agent who had to go undercover as a lounge singer.

3) What talent do you wish you had?
i can sing a decent tune, but i wish i could play the piano.

4) If I bought you a drink what would it be?
i think it'd be really sweet of you to buy me a drink. you don't even know me! well, unless you're jal (gin and tonic) or srg (tequila sunrise) or KAT (anything goes, but likely, a chocolate martini).

5) Favourite vegetable?
asparagus. even though it makes your pee smell funny.

6) What was the last book you read?
snow angels by stewart o'nan.

7) What zodiac sign are you?
i'm a little crabby.

8) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Explain where.
don't you think that's too much information? but really, no. nothing interesting. my vices are more mental.

9) Worst Habit?
i'm a horrible procrastinator.

10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride?
i'm not sure i know what you look like. so i likely wouldn't recognize you.

11) What is your favourite sport?
um. my what? well. i watch the red sox, and i throw around the pigskin in the yard with j and friends. but i'm the most clutzy person ever. as is evident by my previous travails.

12) Do you have a Negative or Optimistic attitude?
i'm generally optimistic. but even the most optimistic person has her bad days.

13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
again, since i don't know you, per se, i'd have to go with a general response. i would likely smile politely and move to the back of the elevator and hope you don't talk to me.

15) Tell me one weird fact about you.
i love m&m's, but i feel compelled to sort them by color before eating them. and when i do eat them, i have to eat the largest population first, and work my way around the color groups until they're even. and ideally, i prefer them to have even numbers, but i can work through that.

16) Do you have any pets?
yes, one. Bailey, the english springer spaniel. i used to have a bunny too (Crispix), but my bunny sadly died in December 2007 and i cried for a week.

17) What if I showed up at your house unexpectedly?
i'd be so happy! we never get visitors! i hope you're not allergic to dogs. and please don't mind that my living room is a mess.

18) What was your first impression of me?
again, tricky. but let's go with - i think all of my blog readers are special and awesome. and i'm not just saying that so you'll come back.

19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
incredibly creepy. and never cute.

20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
i would prefer to be better proportioned -- i have particular issues with my nose.

21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
i'll bring the shovel.

22) What color eyes do you have?
brown. but someone once told me they looked yellow, which is a little scary and freaky. i'm not usually so feline.

23) Ever been arrested?
no. i killed all of the witnesses.

24) Bottle or can soda?
i don't usually drink soda. so. a bottle of water?

25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?
pay off whatever remaining debt we have, redo the bathroom and carpet the stairs. omg. when did i grow up??

27) What's your favourite place to hang at?
my living room. else? with kat and the ph.

28) Do you believe in ghosts?
i'm not sure. when i'm home alone, i definitely don't.

29) Favourite thing to do in your spare time?
i love to read. i also am addicted to online scrabble. i am aware of what a nerd i am, thank you.

30) Do you swear a lot?
i try not to. but unfortunately, i do when i'm upset over something.

31) Biggest pet peeve?
i get really bothered by people when they take advantage of others, or abuse others. i don't like bullyish or manipulative people.

32) In one word, how would you describe yourself?
quirky.

33) Do you believe/appreciate romance?
i have a great appreciation for it, but i believe that it fades, which is unfortunate. i believe (too much) in the grand gesture and love letters.

35) Do you believe in God?
i believe in a higher power. i'm generally a spiritual person, though not a religious person.

36) What happened to question 14?
it got into a knife fight with question 26. neither was triumphant.

all about the boy i married...

stephanie is fantastic and we all just love her over here. so please, if you've never visited her, go give the Gucci Mama some love.

so i rarely blog about him, but i thought this would be a good opportunity to share some things about the man that convinced me to get married. i say that half-kiddingly. for a long time, i was convinced that i wouldn't marry. i wasn't sure it was the thing i wanted to to. but i love my husband, and would do anything he asked me to do. like, get married. which i did. four years ago (on october 8).

it's not perfect, of course, but what is, these days? he's still the only man i have ever met that i would ever choose to spend the rest of my days with.

1. He's sitting in front of the tv, what is on the screen?
1,152 things at once.

and yes, the constant flipping annoys me to NO END. last night, we were watching monsterquest, a special on comedy central, the football game and iron chef america. my dreams were so messed up, and i'm pretty sure i dreamt of being abducted by big foot and alton brown was cooking by the campfire.

2. You're out to eat what kind of dressing does he get on his salad?
parmesan peppercorn, else something else creamy, unless we're at marlborough tavern, in which case, it's the strawberry vinaigrette. and by "salad" i assume you mean lettuce and cucumbers. everything else is picked out and put on my plate.

3. What's one food he doesn't like?
one? but there's so much i could choose from. i'll go with chicken on the bone. he doesn't like to know exactly which anatomical part of the chicken he's eating.

4. You go out to the bar, what does he order?
a root beer, usually. he rarely drinks. but when he does? gin and tonic. in bulk. just ask SRG about our high school reunion and about what a "cool cat" her hubby is.

5. Where did he go to high school?
southington high school.

6. What size shoe does he wear?
10.

7. If he was to collect anything, what would it be?
he generally hates for stuff to accumulate (i can't tell you why he married me. really), but he does manage to collect two things: new balance sneakers and fishing lures.

8. What is his favorite type of sandwich?
turkey and muenster on a wrap with honeycutt spicy mustard, mayo, shredded lettuce and sometimes, cherry peppers. with honey dijon chips on the side.

9. What would this person eat every day if he could?
hamburgers from Five Guys Burgers and Fries. with pickles, ketchup, mustard and lettuce.

10. What is his favorite cereal?
he doesn't eat cereal, but on the rare occassion that he does eat it -- it's whatever i have. so, special K cinnamon pecan or lucky charms. i think it vaguely occurs to me that he may like frosted flakes, but i think they're disgusting. so if he did, thankfully he's gotten over that.

11. What would he never wear?
a bunny suit. i've asked.

12. What is his favorite sports team?
he likes to watch basketball and football the most, but he likes the red sox (i may be a bigger fan, oddly, since i did stay up on our honeymoon to watch Big Papi hit the grandslam homerun to keep the series alive at around 1:20 a.m.), and he loves his fantasy football team.

13. Who will he vote for?
mccain, he says. ergo, i shall vote for obama to cancel him out. he did recently announce that "we should become republicans." he likely won't repeat that anytime soon.

14. Who is his best friend?
KAT's husband the PH. not even kidding. that works out well, no?

15. What is something you do that he wishes you wouldn't do?
where do i begin? let's go with the one he repeats most often (read: every single day to whomever will listen): leave the ice cream scoop on the counter after i dish out a scoop of ice cream.

16. How many states has he lived in?
he's a nutmegger through and through.

17. What is his heritage?
polish and ukrainian.

18. You bake him a cake for his birthday; what kind of cake?
i don't, which is probably another one for #15. (although i always offer). i'll make him cupcakes - yellow with chocolate frosting.

19. Did he play sports in high school?
he played soccer, and wanted to play football but his mom wouldn't let him. however, he would play every sunday morning with a bunch of friends in college and we throw the pigskin around every fall in our backyard. last year he taught me how to run plays. i'm the quarterback to his wide receiver.

20. What could he spend hours doing?
i'd love to go with stephanie and say "spend hours looking at my pretty face" but that's likely not the case. he could, however, spend countless hours with my dad.

10 Things I Believe

i got this little writing prompt from one of our favorite bloggers. Kathy comes up with these phenomenal prompts each week - and this is the first time I have my act together enough to actually follow along.

it may be true that i believe in more than 10 things, but these are just the thoughts that came to me as i lay awake this morning trying to get the ambition to get out of bed and ready for work, and then some more that came to me in my ridiculously long commute.

1) i believe that you will fall in love more than once in your lifetime, and likely, at one point, you will fall in love with someone who is completely wrong for you -- but that doesn't make it wrong.

2) i believe life is short and you should never skip homemade desserts for exactly that reason.

3) i believe in the formidable power of a sexy black lace bra and matching panties under a well-tailored suit. i've rarely felt more confident and powerful than in my old favorites-- even if no one else could see what was underneath.

4) i believe that you are never too old for the comfort of a teddy bear.

5) i believe in a woman's right to choose, which coincides with:

6) i believe that everyone is entitled to an opinion, but they are not entitled to belittle others about their choices and opinions. i believe in a healthy debate, but only among willing participants. not everyone likes to share, and that's okay. unless you have a homemade dessert. then all bets are off. you had better share.

7) i believe in the healing power of a child's smile. whenever i'm feeling particularly angry, upset or bitter over something, all it takes is some time with my nephews before i feel fully restored.

8) i believe you should always read the book first.

9) i believe you should always use spf 45 and wear a hat in the sun but you should not freak out about the little lines that form around your eyes and mouth. there's a reason they got there, and likely it's from the good times (and bad) that got you to where you are.

10) i believe in having no regrets.

current itunes song: "let's hear it for the boy" by deniece williams

sj: oversharing since 2005.

i have a list of confessions for you today. because it's rainy and i am tired and stayed up until 11:30 last night making cupcakes for work (but dude. they came out *perfectly*. like little hostess cupcakes, and i mastered the filling without using an airgun.)

and they're not the juiciest confessions, but they are, in essence, little pieces of me that i'm sharing with you, because you got here, so you must care, right? wait. where are you going? come on now. i've already shared with you too much - like the time i nearly went braless, or the time i went pantyless?

i'm going to share even *more* now. although perhaps nothing as embarrassing as those little gems.

so. now for the following little known facts about me. there's not much more to know about me after this list, and my profile, however. so i realize i run the risk of running out of things to blog about. good thing i keep hurting myself.

1) we all know i love animals. i had a sheep as a pet, and several bunnies, and now a dog. but my sensitivity may perhaps be too much. i once had to pull over on the side of the road after hitting a bird. i cried. seriously. ask my friend bill, who i was on the phone with at the time. (and who thinks i am, justifiably, a freak.

2) i played this game as a child where i really thought that i could telepathically communicate with birds. srg knows all about this. she was totally in my game. her name was bunny, and mine was trixie. these were the nicknames given to us by our second grade class photographer (you know? the dude that takes the pictures.)

3) i had a huge crush - huge - on one of my friends' ex-boyfriends. but shh. i'll never tell you who or which one or any other details. i just had to share. he wasn't my type in *any* aspect, but still. i was in love with him. (and now? i have no idea what i was thinking. but there was a time when i would have made some very bad decisions....)

4) the first concert i ever saw was Barry Manilow. and i still dig that shizzle. i love him. and i'd go see him again.

5) when i'm really, really trashed, i sometimes speak with a bad British accent. Sorry, Molly. i mean no disrespect to your country.

6) i own the Debbie Gibson greatest hits CD. and secretly listen to it all the time. and i know every single word to Foolish Beat.

so go ahead. get your guilty secrets out there. you know you want to.

current itunes song: "fair" by remy zero