SJ's List: Things that Failed this Week

I'm tired and cranky, but somewhat appeased by a fantastic bagel, and taking a minute out of my day to confess that I've been out there, lurking on your sites, and not commenting. Sorry, Interweb.

But in hopes of entertaining with my misfortune, I have compiled a list of things that failed this week.

1) My spelling of the word "week." I've corrected it from wek at least 14 times so far in this post.
2) My ability to comment on various blogs, including Andy's, Sam's, Muffy's - just to name a couple. Or wait. That's more than two. Just to name a threesome, then. I've totally lurked... hit the comment button and then: Brain Fail.
3) Time. I had nothing to do with this. Time failed me. Or daylight lose an hour of sleepness. Whichever.
4) Sleep also failed me.
5) The ending to last night's Grey's Anatomy. FAIL.
6) My ability to slam a door in someone's face. FAIL. Because I don't have one.
7) My rule of not staying past 7 at work.
8) My strict I'm Going to Mexico diet.
9) My intentions of restarting my pilates routine.
10) My plan to clean my extra room and start sewing.

So yeah, this was, on the whole, an unsuccessful week. However, we may end on a positive note, since KAT and I will be bonding over tacos and setback tonight. I know. I bet you wish you were with us. We wish that too. I'd invite you over, but it's not my house.

I hope that next week will be better for all of us. It's already looking up, what with it not being an hour shorter and all.

OH! AND! This weekend I will have an important annoucement. It has to do with... babies.

I need a door.

i am one of the few managers at my company (one of two, really) who doesn't have a door. i prefer to sit in with my team, and help them, train them, etc. the only problem with this is that managing them is only one small piece of my job.

except lately, my being in plain sight has become an open door policy to the extreme. i cannot get anything done. at all. without being interrupted. so i thought perhaps if i put on my ipod and turn my back on the world, i could focus. that worked for 5 minutes. and then someone knocked. ON MY DESK.

seriously? how is that not rude? there are only two people allowed to do that - and they are both my boss.

anyway. i'm going back into my blog coma, because frankly, am in a deep and prolonged work funk.

i so should have gotten the puppy. i'm not going to make it to Cabo at this rate.

but it was totally worth the trip...

i won't be wearing strappy sandals any time soon, nor would i be considered attractive back in the 18th century -- as both of my ankles are now huge. (the right one from a torn ligament that never healed properly and the left one, hopefully only temporarily.)

"he went from nipple to cup..."

i love the holidays. my favorite part is when i'm asked countless times when i'm going to have children. yesterday, for example, i was told that sometimes you need to put your career on hold in order to concentrate on more important things, like creating a family... (which made me visualize walking out of a meeting telling my boss the reason why..., which is funniest if you knew my very wall street broker-esque, very hard-nosed CEO boss)

but among the discussion yesterday, i managed to get j's mom to discuss his prolongued breast-feeding experience, including the tip that she tried putting hot sauce on her, um.. self, to drive him away from it. my response?

"so *that's* why he loves buffalo wings!"

she also went on to tell me about how he was well over a year old and often would try to pull her shirt up or down in order to get at the boobs. (my response? "he does that to me too!")

in fact, she said, she tried everything. but the only thing that worked was to pump into a cup, which means, he essentially "went from nipple to cup. no bottle!"

i couldn't help but think to myself: this explains *so* much.

holy crap. everyone in the world is having babies.

... except for me, that is.

First off, a shout out to my newest nephew... Noah Foster. My sister T had her second baby a week ago yesterday and he's a healthy, bouncing baby boy. I got to hold him for the first time on Saturday. He's really cute and so perfect little newborn baby looking. Not too wrinkly, not monkee-like. Just like a little baby that just got born.

So Saturday I was visiting with all of my nephews and my sisters when my mom called to tell me that our friend's mom was looking for me to see if i could help her with our friend's baby shower the next day. I called her back from my sister's phone, and told her sure. I can help her set up and stuff.

How hard could that be?

***Let me just say to Joy, my dearest and oldest friend of 25+ years, if you're reading this, I love you to pieces, more than you'll ever know, so please stop reading. You can read this in five years. Or not at all. Go about your merry way. Go visit Damomma.com. Or go read SRG's blog. But read no further....****

I knew I was in trouble when I asked the mom what time she needed me to be at the club.

Her response was "Well, what time do you wake up?" For the next ten minutes, I tried very hard to get off the phone, ("I really have to go -- I'm at my sisters and...") My nephews, bless them, helped me by screaming in the background for their Auntie SJ.

So when I did get off the phone, my sisters' phone rang about two minutes later. It appears that the mom refused to believe that I didn't have a home phone and only use my cell phone. She asked my sister the number to my home phone. Anonymous tried to convince her that I really didn't have one, but I think she still believed I was keeping it from her.

I showed up on Sunday, at my appointed 9:30 time (the shower was to start at 12:30) only to discover that there was no one else there except for her and her husband. I offered to call and get help, but she told me that I couldn't, because she had already told people she didn't need anyone, and what would they think if there was someone else there?

My first thought was: "That you needed help..." But I held it in.

Now, I should mention that I had my share of shower prep with this mother before, as we worked together to plan my friend's bridal shower three years earlier. But the baby shower, she assured me, would be better. "Well, you picked the centerpieces out last time..." "That was *your* decision.." And my internal dialogue was something like: Really?! Because I recall I had to get express permission before doing anything. Which is odd, because I actually purchased them. And the favors. And the invites. And the balloons. And the helium tank. And put them all together. Until you decided that the centerpieces weren't good enough so you decided to purchase ivy plants to go in all of the precious little teapot planters I had found.

This from the same woman who, at her daughter's wedding, said to her friends at the reception when I was a mere 10 feet away: "....This is *my* day, after all..."

After the fifth comment that felt like an intentional jab, I couldn't hold my tongue any longer. I told her, in a very sweet voice, that the rainbow colored bears she had found really reminded me of the Grateful Dead bears. That seemed to shut her up for the next hour or so.

And after setting up the centerpieces and corresponding favors using the color wheel the mom supplied me with, and blowing up nearly 4 dozen balloons, I was a little ready for a nap. I took a half hour break to get some coffee and solace at my sister's house before returning, fully prepared to ooh and ahh over the beautiful baby stuff.

When I had just about finished with the decorations, I looked around to reserve a table for our friends... after all, the mom had told me "I would have saved a seat for you at the head table, but...."

The shower itself was beautiful and very elegant (it was the only country club baby shower I had ever attended -- and we live in Connecticut).

Thankfully, by this time, reinforcements had come. We spent the next five hours laughing over wedding and baby dramas in our lives and having a wonderful time.

Looking back at these stories -- crazy mothers of brides and grandmas to be, the crazy things people tell you (like KAT, you HAVE to wear a veil - how will they know you're the bride??) -- I can safely say that none of these "traumas" would ever change the way I feel about my friends.

I'm sure that they'd stand by me, blow up balloons till they had no skin on their finger, put up with whatever drama I may be faced with (" have no one to marry us!"), and maybe even throw me a kicking party (as they have so many times in the past...)

All in all, here's to friends, and helping your friends get through whatever they need to get through, however they need to do it.

sj's pictorial diary of the day the power went out at work

see, molly? this was really all for you.

tsk, tsk.

With your fancy schmancy high speed internet, i would have expected a Monday post, KAT

okay - i tease. so maybe she's a little busy what with the whole new house, planning a wedding, about to attend 235 of them, playing soccer with her ailing limbs, etc. oh- and practicing her setback skills.

that's right. she's been practicing. or we play better when drunk. whichever. we somehow managed to beat the boys 3 games this weekend. i like to think it was the combination of KAT's drinking and my over-compensating for her drunkeness by actually paying attention for a change.

so i'm totally glad that march is almost over. historically, i *HATE* march. it's always been a bad month for me. and so maybe because it's been bad, i just assume it's gong to be bad going forward. but whatever. it's like march comes around and i'm a different person. i also tend to misbehave in march. bad stuff just happens in march and i get all stressed out and reminded of bad things and just boom. things fall apart.

to make up for it, i've been reading a lot this month. i'm trying an escapism route. i'm actually re-reading stuff that usually makes me feel better (lots of dorothy parker and ts eliot) but nothing seems to be getting through. i'm looking for suggestions. it doesn't have to be happy - it doesn't have to inspire. just whatever. right now, i need it to escape.