Sunday, November 20, 2011

How I almost died doing a good deed... which explains why I may never do one again

I suspect I would rarely have anything to post about if I wasn't such a moron. Case in point, the bruises and scrapes on both my knees and the scratches on my elbow (I will spare you a photo but trust me that I look like a 10-year-old who fell down on the playground).

Last night, while driving home from work at midnight, I almost hit a huge garbage can that was laying in the middle of a very dark road. I didn't really want to get involved, but the thought that the can could really damage a vehicle that ran over it made me pull over, put on my hazard lights and go get it out of the road.

As I pulled the can onto someone's front lawn, I realized I was standing on the edge of the road with my driver's side door open in the opposite lane and was wearing dark clothing... while a vehicle approached. Wanting to hurry back to my car before the truck coming up behind my car hit either me or my car, I started to run back to my car... and tripped.

It was one of those full-out, arms-pinwheeling trips that propelled me across an entire lane and sent me sprawling in the middle of the street with the truck still coming at me (in the dark with me wearing black). At that point, I wasn't as worried about my car as I was about getting run over at night a mile from home without anyone having an explanation for why I was even out of my car.

Scrambling up, I dove into my car and-- obviously-- avoided being killed. I did not, however, avoid being injured and returned home with bleeding elbows and knees to a husband who was a bit incredulous about why I had put myself into the situation in the first place. And that explains why I probably will not be doing anything nice for anyone ever again... or at least until I heal.

Friday, November 11, 2011

*tap tap* Is this thing on?

Wow. It's been... let's see... forever since I last posted (and even longer since *someone* who shall not be named has been seen in these parts, but who am I to throw stones after my little absence, right?) I will try and be better and all that...

There are, of course, tons of things I could talk about. Like how we lost power for four days and fled the state to save our freezer contents and be able to shower again, or how I have a new niece or how the Pretend Husband and I celebrated our very real wedding anniversary (four years!)

But you (you know, any of you who are still actually reading this little ol' blog) don't want to hear about all that. You want the good stuff. You want to see FunnyKid in his Halloween costume (which was celebrated in our town on Nov. 10 because of the aforementioned power outage). And maybe you'll even comment and let me know you're still here and I should make a better effort to be here too.