Friday, December 24, 2010

This Christmas is different.

There are very few presents under our tree for me, both because the Pretend Husband and I agreed not to exchange gifts and because I feel like 2010 has given me everything I need. I started crying in church this afternoon watching the joy on FunnyKid's face as his father made faces to keep him entertained.

A warm home, an abundance of food, a loving husband, generous family and friends, success in business and a baby with the chubbiest cheeks you've ever seen. It doesn't get much better than that.

Happy holidays to you and yours. May you get everything you want-- and not necessarily wrapped up under the tree.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

You know you're a mom when...

You instinctively use your hand to block your son's pee (and that's not even the grossest thing you touched that day!)

Lately, I have been putting FunnyKid's tub in front of the stove in the living room for his bath time (I tell him some people pay a lot of money for a spa experience like that). While I do put towels on the floor to protect the rug from the kiddo's splashing, they weren't going to be enough this morning. When the little geyser erupted (and started arcing over the towel toward the rug), I quickly jumped in and used my hand to send it splashing into the tub instead.

Of course, I'm all casual about this, but let's be honest, what's a little pee? Now, if it had been vomit or poop, I'm not sure I would have been so quick to jump in and start catching it in my hand. In that case, I may have just opted to buy a new rug.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Why yes, I do still have some baby weight to lose...

I will always gladly show off photos of my adorable four-month-old. I will not, however, smile while I'm doing it if you are only ask to see the photos as you backpedal from asking me when I'm due.

When am I due? Beginning of September, but I had the baby at the end of August. I will take your awkwardness as an apology.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

It turns out *we* are the terrible neighbors

When the Pretend Husband went to empty the ashes out of our pellet stove yesterday, the tray was still too hot and burned a hole through the oven mitt he tried to use to carry it outside. I opened the door to find him bent down next to the tiny garden pond by our front steps, trying to break the layer of ice on top and dip the oven mitt into the water.

As he came inside, the PH threw the oven mitt onto a pizza box sitting on the front steps (I think he was going to hold it under the ash tray to make sure ashes didn't fall onto the floor as he walked?) and I warned him to make sure the oven mitt wasn't still burning because it could start a fire.

An hour later, the doorbell rang, I heard the PH yell, "Fire!" as he walked into the hallway and I immediately began filling a bowl with water. As the PH took over that job, I opened our front door to find our neighbor pouring his beer onto the charred remains of the oven mitt and pizza box.

Our neighbor, while working in his garage and trying to enjoy a beer, had noticed huge clouds of smoke drifting over from our property. From his house, it looked like the smoke was coming from the bedroom windows of our house and so he hustled over to investigate. As he was arriving on our doorstep, intending to find out if we were home, he came upon the actual fire that was creating all that smoke and, as I mentioned, wasted a perfectly good beer putting it out for us.

All I can say it, thank goodness our neighbor is the type of guy who investigates first and calls the fire department second. And you had better believe I made the PH tell me I was right about not leaving the oven mitt sitting on cardboard.

Wednesday, December 08, 2010

This explains why I didn't major in math

An anonymous source is reporting that I allegedly turned 34 last week (I can neither confirm nor deny that rumor...) And while it's a little older than I would like to be right now, I'm way too busy with FunnyKid to think, let alone worry about how old I'm getting.

So everything was fine and I went along through the day feeling no older than I had the day before. Until kat's lil brother took me out to lunch for my birthday and casually asked, "So what do you want to do for your 35th birthday next year?"

Wait, what?!? 35? Is it possible I'm almost 35?!? That's, like, mid-thirties. Which is-- gulp-- almost 40. I can't possibly be almost 35, can I?