Friday, July 31, 2009
Would it be like an evite kind of thing that you'd send before going on your next date? Would you make them submit to filling it out shortly after you've met, prior to a possible next meeting?
Before I begin, however, let me just go on the record now to say if anything ever happens to my husband (like he comes to his senses and leaves me, is trampled by rabid Twilight fans or runs away with Dita Von Teese), I will remain single for the rest of my days, but will have lots of bunnies. (No, Pat. Not that many bunnies.)
So this is what I've come up with for my pre-qualification survey. I also think that, depending on the answers, you should anticipate different levels of dateyness. Like - a 75 percent would be coffee... 85 percent would be drinks... 95 percent? dinner! it's like rewarding your compatibility.
Side Note: Do people go on dinner dates anymore? (How have I suddenly turned into a 60 year old woman??)
So back to it. Here's my pre-dating survey. Please weigh in on the comments - because I so enjoy the comments.
The Before Survey
Thank you for taking the time to fill out this survey. But frankly, I think it'll save time for both of us, no?
Question 1. We've hit it off initially, it seems. There was laughter, a meeting of the minds, you seem witty and charming and I can see myself leaning into you before the night ends. So tell me - when will you call me?
a) Two days, ma'am. That is the rule set forth by the great Vince Vaughn.
b) As soon as it seems feasible that you've slept in adequately but haven't yet made plans for the next day so that I may pencil in some hang time in the afternoon.
c) I've already texted you funny thoughts that occurred to me.
d) I was going to call you when I got home. Is 2 a.m. too late?
e) When I want to hang out next... maybe Thursday? Maybe next week?
Question 2. What would your ideal plan be for the next date?
a) I don't know. Whatever. Maybe hang out. Maybe catch a flick. Whatevs.
b) I'd love to take you this great little tapas place and maybe catch some music afterward, grab a drink... go for a stroll around WH Center.
c) Have you ever been kite flying at the beach? We'll pack a picnic.
d) My mom makes an awesome chicken parm. You've gotta come by.
e) Let me check with my wife.
Question 3. When is the appropriate time to make your first move?
a) Me? Oh no. It's all on you.
b) I realize it's a family restaurant, but what the heck...
c) Third date? Fourth date?
d) When I walk you to your car and I make you laugh really loudly. I'll be so smooth you'll barely realize the awkwardness that inevitably comes with the first kiss.
e) On our wedding day.
Question 4. What is appropriate dinner conversation should you ever have to meet my parents?
a) Your conception. I'm fascinated by how you were created.
b) Oh, you know. The usual. Religion, politics, the economy, labor unions.
c) Their recent home renovation. Although it happened sometime in the 90s.
d) My ex-girlfriend's parents.
e) Whoa, Nelly. I don't meet parents.
Question 5. My BFF just broke up with her boyfriend...
a) He's an ass. He never deserved her.
b) Would you like me to pick up the Ben and Jerry's before we head over?
c) That sucks. I have tickets to U2 and will meet you at the concert. Don't be late, ok?
d) I'm sorry to hear it. Let me know if you want to meet for a post chick flick drink.
e) The hot one?
OK. This is harder than I thought. I need some help. Please provide audience participation....
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
She has had some bad luck with dating recently, and was telling me about it. Wisely, she was not seeking my advice because I don't really claim to be any sort of an expert on that, with notable exceptions.
For the most part, it's KAT that is the expert on the dating thing. Though since we're both out of practice, I thought I'd try to approach this latest dating dilemma my friend is going through with an approach I'm most familiar with: a business approach.
We've decided really, all parties would be best served by an exit interview after the last date. The problem with administering this kind of thing is that you sometimes don't KNOW when the last date is. Problematic *and* potentially embarrassing.
This is why I propose an online Exit Survey that can be administered to the man/woman who so recently decided to "go in a different direction" - mainly, away from you. (I'm totally going to create this - don't go stealing my idea, Interweb. I'll kick your pixels from here to Al Gore's house.)
So here's my sample survey, but I'd love to get some more input from the Interweb. Please add your questions in the comments.
1. Describe the main reason we won't be romantically linked going forward:
a) I'm just not attracted to you
b) I'm attracted to you, but I find myself drawn to everyone else *more* than you.
c) I have recently decided to pursue other options (the waitress from last night's date, your best friend, your sister, your ex-boyfriend, etc)
d) You are way too serious for my liking.
e) You're the bees knees, honey, but I have been kidnapped by aliens.
f) You scare me a little.
2. How would you describe my abilities as a love interest:
a) I've made out with my hand and evoked more enthusiasm.
b) You were okay, but frankly, I'm more into me. Tell me more about my eyes.
c) You were brilliant, but alas, your brilliance is intimidating.
d) You need to step it back, honey. There's no need to pack me my lunch and send me off to work with a silkscreened lunch bag says says "SJ loves J 4Ever" - on our second date.
e) You would be awesome if you showed one iota of interest in just something I did or said.
f) You were an awesome love interest. But I found a better one.
3. Does your not seeing me anymore have anything to do with (choose one):
a) me not sleeping with you?
b) me sleeping with you?
c) that time I threw up on you?
d) that time I dropped my beer all over you?
e) the fact that all of my friends (appear to) hate you?
f) that time I made you miss the Red Sox game to go to my cousin's wedding?
4. What was your favorite quality of mine?
a) I'm hilarious.
b) I'm incredibly intelligent.
c) I'm bee-you-tea-full.
d) I have tons of super awesome friends.
e) I have a really nice car/house/apartment.
f) I am incredibly fun to be around.
5. What was one thing I need to work on?
a) I need to have a better sense of humor.
b) I need to read more.
c) I need to work on my fashion sense/overall look.
d) I need to find new/more friends.
e) I am too involved with work/charities/organizing other people's lives.
f) I need to figure out how to better relate to humanity.
So. There you are. My first draft. What do we think?
Monday, July 27, 2009
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Speckles may look a little on edge in this picture.
There's good reason for that. Meet "Good Reason."
We also like to call him E. He's the son of my oldest sister JAL who often likes to comment on our blog but should obviously have her own.
I was able to catch up with Speckles recently when we were all gathered at my parents' house celebrating my birthday this past week.
Me: Speckles, what's up? You look a little on edge.
Speckles: Where's the kid?
Me: What kid? Do you mean E?
Speckles: Don't toy with me. You know the one. I'm going to look for him under this rocking chair.
Me: Well, honestly, Speckles, I don't think that's your wisest choice.
Speckles: What do you me--.... AAAAAAAAH! DEAR GOD WHY IS THE CEILING FALLING?!
Me: That's not the ceiling. It's the chair. I told you that wasn't a smart choice.
E: Who you talking to, Auntie SJ?
Speckles (sotto voice): Do...Not...Tell...Him...I'm...Under...Here.
Me: I was just talking to... Uncle J.
Speckles: Thanks, lady. I owe you one. Now, can you excuse me? You're kind of in my bathroom.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Since we were short-staffed at work today, I helped out by answering the phone. About my third call in, I got a call from a guy who, as soon as I answered with the name of my company, told me his name was Jim, said where he was calling from and added that someone had requested some information about debt consolidation.
I began to ask him for the name of who called his company so I could direct his call accordingly, but he started talking again. So I waited patiently but realized he was giving me the sales spiel intended for someone else. So I politely tried to interject. And he kept talking.
So I waited, figuring perhaps he was required to give a short speech at the beginning of the call. And when he paused, I again started to interject to tell him he was calling a business and I wasn’t the correct person to speak to. And he started talking over me!
So then I was angry. “Sir? Sir? This is a business. Sir? Sir!”
I paused, thinking perhaps the phone had cut out and he couldn’t hear me despite me still being able to hear him. When he paused again, I shouted, “Sir!” And that’s when he continued with, “To speak to someone about his offer, press 1.”
Well played, robot, well played. You got me this time. Damn those companies with their recorded phone calls!
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Friday, July 10, 2009
So all weekend long i had this ridiculous fever that kept me from doing things like getting my hair dyed pretty colors that aren't grey, checking out my friend's band, going grocery (or any other kind of) shopping, etc.
But you know what I did do? I discovered Wonder Woman full episodes on WB.com and watched the first half of season 2 in my feverish state.
It brought me back all of the amazingness that was my childhood heroine. God I love that Wonder Woman. I totally had the underoos, the large silver bracelets which were made of silver, but let's pretend it was feminum, mmmk?
I have to say I prefer seasons two and three over the first mostly because Diana has some great 70s fashions. She rocked that wrap dress - and only Linda Carter could really get away with those glasses.
But when was a turban ever a wise non-religious influenced fashion choice?
I have to say that all of these new web sites popping up with childhood classic shows are really bringing back some fond memories - and there are so many shows I've forgotten about. Like... Remington Steele, Fraggle Rock, Small Wonder....
Gosh I love the Internet.
Thursday, July 09, 2009
Tuesday, July 07, 2009
Thursday, July 02, 2009
Which is always a good time.
And all we have for you, really, is this list of quotes. We think it defines what it's like to hang out with KAT, me, the PH and J just perfectly.
"Dude, your ten year old self would kick your own ass right now." -- J to the PH after the PH demanded KAT use the firepit to light off fireworks. (Note: Said fireworks pictured below.)
"You had to come down here and save me?" -- KAT.
"I'm coming down here to save the neighborhood." -- the PH to KAT, while standing immediately next to her with a hose in case that Roman Candle set the entire water-soaked lawn on fire.
"Stop pointing fireworks at my lawn and at the pine trees." -- PH to KAT (see above.)
"Are you offended I don't want to continue talking about your penis?" -- SJ to the PH.
"Whatever, just play." -- The PH responded sullenly. Note: To clarify, we were playing setback. Of course. Lots and lots of setback.
"Give the girl 3 martinis and she's 13." -- PH to KAT. which resulted in an:
"uhhhhhh...." from the rest of us and also for KAT to tell me:
"SJ, transcribe this entire conversation."
"That's fine. I'll take the PH home." J to me and KAT - I don't remember what prompted this, but I'm pretty sure it implied a romantic relationship between our spouses.
"When my wife doesn't work, she's going in the garbage." -- J (That's right, ladies. He's mine! Back off!)
"This is probably going on the blog." -- the PH
"If that's where I have to go to find love and support and people that don't pee on themselves..." -- KAT.
I had nothing recorded after that, as I had fallen into fits of laughter too hard to hold the pen.
Good news though. We're getting together again tomorrow night. Let the shenanigans rule!