Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Things the world needs: Exit Interview for Ex's

So I had this conversation with a very good friend of mine that I would link to if she wrote a blog but she doesn't so that just makes this an awkward long sentence.

She has had some bad luck with dating recently, and was telling me about it. Wisely, she was not seeking my advice because I don't really claim to be any sort of an expert on that, with notable exceptions.

For the most part, it's KAT that is the expert on the dating thing. Though since we're both out of practice, I thought I'd try to approach this latest dating dilemma my friend is going through with an approach I'm most familiar with: a business approach.

We've decided really, all parties would be best served by an exit interview after the last date. The problem with administering this kind of thing is that you sometimes don't KNOW when the last date is. Problematic *and* potentially embarrassing.

This is why I propose an online Exit Survey that can be administered to the man/woman who so recently decided to "go in a different direction" - mainly, away from you. (I'm totally going to create this - don't go stealing my idea, Interweb. I'll kick your pixels from here to Al Gore's house.)

So here's my sample survey, but I'd love to get some more input from the Interweb. Please add your questions in the comments.

1. Describe the main reason we won't be romantically linked going forward:

a) I'm just not attracted to you
b) I'm attracted to you, but I find myself drawn to everyone else *more* than you.
c) I have recently decided to pursue other options (the waitress from last night's date, your best friend, your sister, your ex-boyfriend, etc)
d) You are way too serious for my liking.
e) You're the bees knees, honey, but I have been kidnapped by aliens.
f) You scare me a little.

2. How would you describe my abilities as a love interest:

a) I've made out with my hand and evoked more enthusiasm.
b) You were okay, but frankly, I'm more into me. Tell me more about my eyes.
c) You were brilliant, but alas, your brilliance is intimidating.
d) You need to step it back, honey. There's no need to pack me my lunch and send me off to work with a silkscreened lunch bag says says "SJ loves J 4Ever" - on our second date.
e) You would be awesome if you showed one iota of interest in just something I did or said.
f) You were an awesome love interest. But I found a better one.

3. Does your not seeing me anymore have anything to do with (choose one):

a) me not sleeping with you?
b) me sleeping with you?
c) that time I threw up on you?
d) that time I dropped my beer all over you?
e) the fact that all of my friends (appear to) hate you?
f) that time I made you miss the Red Sox game to go to my cousin's wedding?

4. What was your favorite quality of mine?

a) I'm hilarious.
b) I'm incredibly intelligent.
c) I'm bee-you-tea-full.
d) I have tons of super awesome friends.
e) I have a really nice car/house/apartment.
f) I am incredibly fun to be around.

5. What was one thing I need to work on?

a) I need to have a better sense of humor.
b) I need to read more.
c) I need to work on my fashion sense/overall look.
d) I need to find new/more friends.
e) I am too involved with work/charities/organizing other people's lives.
f) I need to figure out how to better relate to humanity.

So. There you are. My first draft. What do we think?


Kara said...

you forgot the most famous reason... "He was just not that into you"

Nanc Twop said...

1.) Describe the main reason we won't be romantically linked going forward...

Include this as an option for guys:
'I just read 'The Game' and I want to find a wingman so I can pick up skanks in bars now.'

*I read it - the author is messed up, and so's his pal 'Mystery'

sj said...

kara, i didn't want to steal that exact language, but i figured the "i'm just not attracted to you" bit would cover that.

nanc- HA. oh wait. that's not funny if it happened to you.

Anonymous said...

I like question #5 choice e - I went on one (and only one) date with a guy who criticized me for volunteering at an animal shelter rather than helping people. When I asked him when the last time he volunteered, he answered that he had held the elevator door for his neighbors that day...

Ed said...

SJL - A brilliant idea, if not completely entertaining! You should totally run with this :-) Here are my question "recommendations":

1. Offer users of the "evaluation" connections to "Relationship Experts" if they continue to get the same results everytime (and get referral money!)
2. Offer "other" option for the user to fill in if the answers don't best match (you'll get some good answers there)
3. Turn it into a Facebook quiz for all those who checked off "we've dated", "we've hooked up" as to how they met... that would be pretty funny, LOL :-)

I'd be interested to see how guys and gals reacted to this "new light" too.

Run with this idea!


Stephanie said...


RobyneLeigh said...

Love it SJ! I'll have to use it next time around....maybe we need a PRE date interview too!

I might add this question too...

Pick the statement that best describes you out of the ones below:

a.)Mr. Broke
b.)Mr. Lives-With-My-Mother
c.)Mr. Open Relationship (known to women as Mr. Afraid of Commitment)
d.)Mr. Party Boy
e.)Mr. Needy (sometimes disguised as Mr. Still-In-Love-With-MyEx)
f.)Mr. Married

FunnyGal KAT said...

This is a great idea (and makes me not miss my dating days, by the way!) My suggestion?

Describe any extenuating circumstances that have nothing to do with me and will make me feel better about your decision (choose all that apply):

a) I have a boyfriend/girlfriend.
b) I have a husband/wife.
c) I have a fear of committing to anyone or anything. Seriously, I won't even sign a contract for my cell phone service.
d) I'm gay (but just realized it).
e) I'm moving.

kk said...

Love it!

Pat Ferrucci said...

I mean, this sounds like a good idea and all, but what does it accomplish? Nobody's going to tell the full truth, right? The "it's not you it's me" thing wouldn't work with a interview.

So you just break up with someone. Am I going to tell her everything I found wrong with her? That just seems mean.

I also wouldn't want to know what's wrong with me. I'd rather stay in my delusional world of me being the best guy in the whole galaxy and clearly she just must be bat-shit nuts. That's always the truth anyway.

Seriously, I'm with the other person who mentioned a pre-dating interview. This makes a lot of sense to me. I guess that's what being friends is or something, but a short interview to spell everything out sounds like a good idea.

sj said...

pat, while it's true that you are awesome, i'm going based on pure conjecture: most of the women that i hear this from REALLY WANT TO KNOW.

plus, there are some things that i would want to tell my exes. i mean, at this point, what do you have to lose by being honest? it's not like you actually stay friends or even socialize with them. (except in my case, where i actually have stayed friends with a few. because i am that awesome.)

and true. everyone could be lying. but... what about the whole self improvement thing? wouldn't you want to learn before you repeat your previous habits?

re: predating interview... i think that's what e-harmony is all about. but, seeing as online dating seriously creeps me out and I'd never do it but good for you people who are willing to give it a go, i'd love to send a "before i decide to call/answer" survey.

but i'm pretty certain most people would consider me nuts if they actually received something like it.

regardless, it'll be my next blog post.

Soda and Candy said...

Pure brilliance.

PS - Thank God I never have to date again!

Zam said...

For the male opinion you requested: great idea for a social networking, love-sicker than ever world and you could take this somewhere. For men, it needs to be meaner. I'm reminded of the Friends episode that begins with the girls discussing Ross and Rachel's first kiss in lengthy, romantic detail, while the guys stop for a brief moment over pizza to ask, "Tongue?" "Yeah." "Cool." We are just that insensitive as a gender, and the ones that really do care are warned not to show it. That being said, I love Ed's idea's for making it more fun and interactive. Here are my "others:"

1. Describe the main reason we won't be romantically linked going forward:

Clause 5.2 of the restraining order.

2. How would you describe my abilities as a love interest:

Dishonestly. We’re breaking up.

3. Does your not seeing me anymore have anything to do with (choose one):

The toxic waste accident that claimed my sight.

4. What was your favorite quality of mine?

Your Netflix membership.

5. What was one thing I need to work on?

My car.

Les said...

Ok... I may add a different twist. For me, I try to find a girl who can accept, and if i'm lucky , understand, that my music writing/performing is my number 1 love of my life. To find a girl who accepts that and can actually be a willing participant in my passion, is a dream come true. To be playing a gig and have my special lady watching from the crowd, would make me extremely happy!

It's music with me, but could be something else for somebody else. As an example, my ex-wife resented my passion for my band, and made me feel guilty anytime I even wanted tom practice playing guitar. Her disdain grew into a cancer that infected our marriage, and overtime, manifested into worse things, that eventually led to the meltdown.

So what am I trying to say? While most folks are always looking for their soulmate, some of us are looking for a soulmate that can accept thev fact that we may have another love that we can never break from, that may not be a partner.

For more detailed info, invite me out for a beer and pizza and I'll be happy to discuss in greater detail..... unless of course I have a gig that night! ;-)

Nickie. said...

I think its a great idea. Sometimes, you just want to know..so you can smack them. =)

Ps- you laddiies have an award!

Kara said...

I love Les's comment...sometimes one of lives greatest joy is to be able to share your passion and 1st love with someone you also love.

sj said...

nickie - WAH! your blog address link has escaped from your profile....

help, help!

qqtpie said...

Awesome. I went looking for a 'blind-date exit interview' and found this. I will modify it to suit me. LOL