Wednesday, December 27, 2006

My, what a manly voice I have!

So, what are you wearing?

Oops, sorry about that. I’m just practicing for my job as a phone sex operator.

I’m not actually a phone sex operator… I just sound like one, thanks to the cold in my chest. I was sick last month around this time, the PH and I have both been sick for the past few days and I’m having chest pains from anxiety on top of it all.

Yikes, what a depressing post this is, huh? I don’t think someone should be allowed to write such “poor me, I’m sick, wah!” stuff on a blog called “Funny Gals,” do you?

In the spirit of happier news, I will say it was a nice Christmas. Caroling with SJ and her neighbors (Molly was a hit in a white feather collar with red and green blinking lights), Christmas Eve with my family (a nice quiet dinner and then Midnight Mass) and Christmas Day with the PH’s family (a raucous good time). And our gift to ourselves was a digital camera so I think I should warn you ahead of time that the 2007 version of this blog is probably going to be filled with lots more photos of Molly than in the past. And SJ has one now too (she’s such a copycat!) so perhaps some photos of Bailey, her new car, the results of her amazing cooking and J first thing in the morning will make some appearances.

I hope everyone is in good spirits (and good health!) I’m sure we’ll do some sort of year-end wrap-up type thing one of these days. But right now, I’m too tired to think about it. Besides, my next customer is calling…

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Giving in to the demands of our fans. Subtitle: A lot of whining from someone with nothing interesting going on in her life.

I wasn’t going to post today because I’m crazy-busy at work and our Christmas cards have been sort of a bitch to get out and I have a headache and blah, blah, blah.

But then I got a scathing email from Anonymous reminding me that we have readers who actually care about what’s going on in our lives. Either that or they’re just looking for blog entries to distract them from their work (see, I’m onto you!) To be fair, the email from Anonymous wasn’t at all scathing, more of a gentle reminder that I had better find something to write about… and quick!

I could write about having to see someone’s surgical site the day after she was cut into when all I did was ask, “How are you feeling?” (All I have to say about that one is, “YUCK! That’s an image I’m not going to be able to get rid of for a while. And I’m NEVER asking anyone how they’re feeling ever again!)

I guess I could tell the story about one of the Pretend Husband’s crazy relatives. A few years ago, at her mother’s wake, she knelt next to the casket and began singing, “Through the Years” loud enough for everyone around her to hear. You might think that’s a sentimental thing for someone to do, but I just find it funny (I can be mean like that). So, every once in awhile, when there’s nothing else to talk about, either the PH or I will bust out the words to “Through the Years” (actually those are the only words to the song I actually know, so I tend to just repeat them sort of in tune) and we sit and giggle over the image of his relative kneeling next to a casket singing.

But since I’m sure you’re not interested in those stories (see Anonymous, I knew I didn’t have anything to write about), I’ll give you what you really want… a picture of Molly in her new coat. We’ve been calling her “Duchess Molly” because, seriously, have you ever seen a dog look more like royalty than in this velvet and fur-lined coat?

When you’re done laughing, get back to work! Oh, and happy holidays!

Friday, December 15, 2006

It looks like Santa threw up on it!

Last night we decided to put up a Christmas tree for someone who has had a tough time lately. I loved, loved, loved hanging the multicolored lights, the silver and red garland, the white beads, the ornaments that commemorated JC Penney’s 1995 contribution to the holiday and the two pounds of tinsel that the person had packed away from Christmases past. And the tree looked awesome when we were done. If, by awesome, I mean “wow, that’s quite a tree, you do know, by the way, Pretend Husband, that ours will never, ever in a million years EVER look like that, right?”
Nothing wrong with tinsel… just not on my watch.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

My Sweater 0. Address Labels 0. Molly 104.

Dear Molly and Bailey,

Perhaps your parents have not been clear enough with you about the story of Christmas. We’ve probably been too focused on the “Christmas story” about the birth of Jesus and have forgotten to tell you the important part– the story of Santa Paws.

You see, every Christmas, Santa Paws visits all the good little dogs and little cats in the world and leaves them presents. If the dogs and cats have been bad, they get things like “time out” and “the day spent in the bathroom” instead.

Which is why it’s important that you two start shaping up quick! Santa Paws is almost here! So no more pulling ornaments off the tree and eating them, Bailey (even if they do taste good). And Molly… Molly, Molly, Molly. You turn one year old on Monday and we’re expecting more from you now that you’re a mature dog.

You were left with the run of the house for more than two weeks with no problems. Which is why your parents were astounded at your behavior the past two days. Mom left a favorite sweater on the couch while Mom and Dad went out to look at houses (with a fenced yard for you!) and you ate not one, but four buttons off it?!? THEN, Mom came home yesterday and found this:

One hundred address labels, chewed up, spit out, stuck to the rug, stuck to you. Argh! You also managed to break the collar you just outgrew (is this a hint you don’t want a little sister to play with?)

So Bailey and Molly, here’s where we stand. Your moms and dads take some of the responsibility for your behavior. Perhaps we shouldn’t have left those address labels, sweaters and Christmas trees laying around like we did. But you two need to take a hard look at your own behavior before Santa Paws decides to skip right over your houses this year.

Happy Holidays!

Love, Mom (Aunt KAT to Bailey)

Saturday, December 09, 2006

tree 0. bailey 2.

this time it was our norwegian straw angel. neither one of us saw that he was interested in her.

but i'm still vacuuming up bits of straw.

this is a busy week for me-- christmas party, out of town friends, christmas cookie swap.

so at some point this week, i have to bake 9 dozen cookies. so right now, it looks like thursday will be an all-nighter. i'm going to make the dough tomorrow. so much for my plan of making pretty cookies. there will be no decorating 9 dozen cookies. but good for my sister -- who plans on making 9 dozen hershey kiss cookies. it's a good thing they came out with those pre-unwrapped ones. otherwise, she'd be peeling foil for days.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

What is wrong with people?

I have a new pet peeve. And while it may seem like I do nothing but bitch and moan in this blog, I have a surprisingly low number of pet peeves. I hate, hate, hate being hung up on. And there are a dozen or so little things that bother me (just kidding, maybe half a dozen). But this one is a new one.

You know those wireless Bluetooth ear thingies? What is up with people wearing them all the time? Are you really so important that you need to be able to answer your phone and begin speaking within seconds of it ringing? It’s annoying enough just seeing them, but it’s even worse when the person begins speaking before you realize that they’re wearing one and not actually talking to you.

Our real estate agent has hers on all the time, although I’ve never seen her talk into it. Unless maybe it’s on all the time and she has someone feeding her her lines. “This is the kitchen. Oops, no, I mean it’s the bedroom.”

I received a photograph at the newspaper today where the subject had one of those doohickies in his ear in the photo. Really? You couldn’t risk missing a call for the 4.78 seconds it took to snap the photo? Is this thing really so hard to install into your ear that you only take it out to shower and sleep?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for people using headsets rather than risking their life and mine on the highway by trying to hold a phone to their ear while they drink coffee, shift, change lanes, honk and apply makeup. But is it necessary to be poised to answer a phone call all the friggin’ time?

While I’m on the subject, you know another thing I hate? The overuse of italics. How ironic, huh?

Tuesday, December 05, 2006


Boy, am I tired from bringing sexy back! I thought Justin Timberlake was going to pick up more of the slack, but instead he left most of it for us to do. What a bum!

So now sexy is back… and I’m back after SJ’s run of posts. Actually, I’ve been here the whole time, kicking back and reading her posts in between the really important stuff like writing Christmas cards to my employees, playing Sudoku online (it’s addicting, people!) and making a surprised face when I walk into what was supposed to be a birthday dinner with my dad and was actually a huge birthday party with 35 of the people I love the most.

It was really fun, not only for being able to chat with some people I haven’t seen in awhile and for the fact that a lot of people drove looooong distances to see little ol’ me, but because it was all such a surprise. I can’t say I’ve never been the subject of a surprise party because the big thing among my group of friends was a “surprise” 16th birthday. It was such a big thing, we all had one. Which kind of took the “surprise” out of “surprise party.”

So an actual surprise party was awesome. And surprising. (Can you believe I get paid to write for a living with a comment like that?!?) The Pretend Husband and my siblings and my dad did a great job tracking down my friends by breaking into my email account (I’m changing the password) and my cell phone (I’ll never shower again when the PH is around because leaving him alone with my cell phone is apparently just asking for trouble).

The PH told me he was nervous that the surprise was ruined when, back in October, I saw the piece of paper that he had written my dad’s phone number on. He didn’t want me to suspect he was going to use it to plan a party so he tried to make me think it was to ask for my dad’s permission to marry by proposing a few days later! (OK, he was going to do it anyway, but it also served as a great cover for my discovery of the number).

All in all, a fun weekend. I’ll be back when I’m done writing all the thank you cards!

Sunday, December 03, 2006

happy 30th, KAT!

no time to post right now.

we're busy bringing sexy back...