Wednesday, November 29, 2006

this is what happens when you have a bird dog

we put up our christmas tree. (just like molly, i might add). and, this is unlike me, but i'm only putting up one this year. i just don't have the energy to go through with my normal christmas routine. the tree that i put up is my favorite -- the tall skinny fake tree but looks real because of the twigs and branches that make it look more real than my walmart $20 tree that i still have and still love.

some of our ornaments didn't fit, and i haven't found some of them. but i put on what we had. now - just to let you know, this is not bailey's first tree. when he was a puppy, he used to lay underneath the tree. UNDERNEATH. the second year, we were quite concerned. how was this going to work? what if he tried to go under the tree? (this is where a digital camera would be great so you could see that he's roughly a little shorter than half the size of our tree. we did buy one. for ourselves for christmas, but a) it's not christmas yet and b) i haven't figure out how to use it yet. more to come on that.)

but he didn't. he was a good boy. mind you, last year, he was still in his crate. but this summer, we decided to pack away the crate and try it on our own. it's been great, really. he's been a super good boy. he's never destroyed anything, and as far as we can tell, he spends the whole day sleeping on the couch.

that is, until he met the bird. we got a bird ornament last year from my s-i-l. it was a lovely wooden folk art bird. it was wood. with little metal hearts. we noticed on sunday night that he liked the bird. he approached it delicately, gave it kisses, and walked away. that was the first sign of trouble.

a few hours later, he approached it again and sniffed. j gave him a stern warning, and we thought that would work.

the next day, i got a call from j at work.

"i think he ate something." there were metal hearts by the tree. no sign of anything else. "i don't know what it was.."
"did you already look to see if the bird was still there?"
"hang on..... oh. no. the bird is gone."

and this folks is what happens when you try to take the bird dog out of the springer spaniel.

Monday, November 27, 2006

i was one of the masses.

i can't believe we did it, but we actually went shopping the day after thanksgiving. granted, our method of shopping was a little unorthodox.

first we headed off to the diner for breakfast.

and around 11 a.m. we were at the liquor store. (buying gifts! i swear!) this is new for us this year -- being "prepared." we bought a case of wine to give as hostesss gifts (now- try and refrain from inviting us over all at once). different kinds depending on who we would be visiting. white, red. pinot noir, zinfandel, chardonnay, sauvignon blanc, burgundy, riesling.

next stop - bed, bath and beyond. two more gifts, no lines, easy parking spot. almost too good to be true.

then we headed down to a boutique in plainville called the artisan's marketplace where we got another three gifts. all wrapped, too.

still fueled from breakfast, we headed over to borders and knocked two people entirely off our list. practically no line, but the parking lot was a little insane.

by this point, we're clearly feeling overconfident. so we headed to the shoppes at farmington valley - one of those outdoor lifestyle shopping centers. the second we pulled into the parking lot, it was clear that we may have overshot this whole shopping thing. there were lexus suv's coming at us from all directions, volvo stationwagons jumping curbs and aiming for the closest spot in front of sur la table -- it was a madhouse, people.

we headed towards the outskirts. our destination was kohl's -- and by some miracle, we got a parking spot -- (side note, the day after thanksgiving did appear to be a great day to go grocery shopping.)

20 minutes later, we were in line with a gift for my mom. long line though it was, we were out of there inside 30 minutes.

and i'd just like to point one thing out: i slept in until 9:30.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

i don't like turkey. so let's go to puerto rico!

my sister in law and brother in law are off to puerto rico to celebrate thanksgiving. which is kind of funny when you think about it. because we live in new england. how more pilgrim can you get than that? (okay -- we could live in massachussetts, so i guess there's that....)

that means that tomorrow will be a low-key thanksgiving with just me, j and my in laws. not a bad day at all. lots of eating, lots of movies, quiet. not a lot of talking. just lots of eating. and asking about babies. but did i mention the food? there will be a lot of it.

and heck, i love turkey. you won't find me escaping the contiguous united states in order to get away from the big ol' birds.

my tasks are sweet potatoes and pecan pie. very traditional, and two of my favorite dishes. my biggest concern about the day is whether to go with the maple syrup pecan pie or the chocolate chip pecan pie? i love that this is my biggest concern of the day. i should have more days like that.

and four days off! a three-day turkey coma! fantastic!

so you know we had to ask it... what are you thankful for this thanksgiving? i love these lists, but i also know how mushy these things can get, so i kind of made my own (so you all could be thankful that i asked such silly questions). so here you go:

1) Name two people you are thankful to have had in your life.
anonymous and KAT. anonymous makes me realize the value of family and makes me feel sane. KAT makes me laugh so hard my sides hurt, my nose runs and on occassion, i cry. from laughing. she's never punched me in the nose or anything.

2) Name one movie you are thankful was made.
when harry met sally. i always have something to quote. it applies to so many situations. ordering at a diner, love, marraige, break-ups, friendships. new years eve.

3) Name one activity you are thankful to do.
walking. particularly because a coworker recently tore his achilles heel.

4) Name the flavor of ice cream you are thankful for.
vanilla. it's the base for so many other fantastic flavors. like cookies and cream. graham cracker smacker. without vanilla, where would we be?

5) Name one activity you are thankful that you do not have to do.
cook a turkey.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Your hair looks great today!

YOU! You, in the white shirt. And you sitting in front of that computer. Yes, you.

You’re a lurker. And that’s OK. We know there are some of you who read this blog and don’t comment. We know you’re out there. In fact, I sometimes talk to you on the phone and you say things like, “I want to comment, but I never have anything funny to say.” But it’s fine that your comment isn’t funny. Heck, I post plenty of stuff that isn’t funny. I mean, we can’t all be as funny as SJ, can we?

There are some of you who check the blog from work and don’t comment because you value your job. We just love that you drop by and it’s fine if you don’t let us know you’re here or even who you are (although someone named “Anonymous” has clued us in to a couple of identities). We’re not trying to out you or anything, just want to say hello and thank you for caring enough about our little lives to read our blog.

And we want to point out our fabulous email address that is listed in the sidebar to the right. It’s easy to remember: and we promise to read every email (all three of them). You can use it to comment to us without having all of our thousands of fans read what you write, you can test out material on us before posting it, you can even add us to some random list that will send us huge amounts of spam on a daily basis (don’t worry, we’ll still like you).

Or you can remain out there in cyberspace, never to be known to us, but appreciated all the same. Thanks for reading!

Friday, November 17, 2006

I crack myself up!

The PH’s parents (the Pretend In-Laws?) have been without heat for about three weeks now. Luckily, Mother Nature has been kind to them.

PH: My parents still don’t have heat.
KAT: It’s a good thing it’s been so mild out. Otherwise, we’d be dealing with Mom and Pop-sicles!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!

That’s alright, you don’t have to laugh (the PH didn’t either).

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

i was going to wait, but...

it just occurred to me that poor anonymous is sitting here thinking - oh my god, i saw her last night - she didn't tell me she's pregnant.

that's because i'm not.

i got my new car!

an 07 jetta. i was going to go all high tech here and include a photo, but i don't have a digital camera. not even a camera phone. so sorry.

but yeah. the whole process was made even more painful by our total (insert adjective expletive here) salesman who tried to tell me that all of the options i had on my old car didn't matter for its trade-in value ("really? so why do i have to pay extra if i want a sunroof on my new car?")

he was the biggest jerk i've ever encountered. and looked amazingly like robin williams' character in the cadillac man.


but yay!

Allow me to rant...

SJ promised she would be posting something today… and she has some exciting news to share with all of our loyal readers (hi BAC, hi Stac, hi Anonymous, hi Molly!). I don’t want to steal her thunder or take up her allotted posting space, but I couldn’t let this pass without comment.

OJ Simpson is going on national television to talk about how he would have killed his wife and her friend if he had done it. He’s promoting a book he’s writing called “If I Did It.”

What is wrong with this guy?!? If you had murdered someone and been fortunate enough to be acquitted, wouldn’t you want to live your life as quietly as possible? Maybe disappear from the media spotlight and try to never be associated with the crime again?

Or would you do like Mr. Dumbass and talk about the crime (hypothetically, of course!) in the event you could inadvertently reveal new evidence and get pulled up on new charges? I don’t know if that’s possible, but I’m horrified that he is doing this, making money off such a tragedy and throwing it in everyone’s faces that he got away with murder.

What a world we live in.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Being a criminal is hard work

Crazy day yesterday. Home from work late… have to take the dog out… can’t believe we didn’t get the house we bid on… still haven’t planned anything for the wedding… lock the door on my way out… shut the door… oh, crap.

Locked out.

Walked around the house with the dog checking the windows (I know I always keep them locked, but just in case). The landlord wasn’t home with an extra key so I figured my options were to go to a neighbor’s house to call the Pretend Husband (and then wait an hour in a stranger’s house while he made his way home) or try to climb up to the second floor and shimmy through a tiny window I was pretty sure the PH had left unlocked.

Still wearing the black skirt and sweater I wore to work (although in the PH’s comfortable shoes instead of my heels), I dragged a ladder against the house and eyed its sturdiness. Not trusting the sagging ladder, I put it back and trekked over to the landlord’s house. I grabbed the ladder that was leaning against the wall of the house and hefted it back to our cottage. I can’t be sure, but I think the next door neighbor watched the entire thing and never said a word (or tried to help!)

Leaning the ladder against the cottage, I climbed up and tested the screen on the window. Unable to get a good angle, I went back down, readjusted the ladder’s position and climbed back up while Molly sat nearby with a look of horror. Getting to the top of the ladder, I crawled out on the roof of the porch on my hands and knees– which is exactly where I was when the landlord pulled into the driveway below.

Mortified, I quickly crawled over to the ladder and scooted back down. Thank goodness my landlord is the least observant person I’ve ever met and he didn’t actually notice the person in black on the roof trying to break into the cottage!

He lent me the extra key and made me feel better about my situation by telling the story about how he lost his car key the week before when he put it on the tire of another vehicle he was working on and then drove that vehicle off. He later found the key a mile away from his house.

And I learned something important from the experience: mainly, burglarizing a house is difficult in a skirt. Next time I’ll try to wear pants.

Monday, November 13, 2006

Better to have loved and lost… and all that crap

What a weekend of ups and downs! We began Friday with no new house and, unfortunately, we ended Sunday without one either. But the interim made for some interesting times.

Last weekend, we looked at an incredible house that was priced well, in a desirable neighborhood and had almost everything we’ve been looking for. We were going to put in an offer, but found out there were already multiple offers on the table and they were going to be presented to the seller in the next two hours. So we chalked it up to “live and learn” and went about our lives.

Friday, the Pretend Husband got a phone call from our agent that the house had gone back on the market after the first deal fell through because of a “small” termite problem (if termites can ever be considered small). So we quickly put together a bid and began chewing our nails waiting for an answer.

Saturday, while I was playing soccer, the PH got a call saying our bid was almost identical to another one and did we want to up it a bit? I would have felt like I needed to consult my significant other before making such a big decision… but that’s just me. The PH said “OK” and then called me about it.

Well, our anxiety only increased when we realized we pretty much had a 50 percent chance of getting the house. We were excited, but also had plenty of conversations like this:
Me: I love the kitchen.
PH: Me too. And the finished room in the basement.
Me: Oh my god, how are we going to pay for it? I feel like I have to throw up!
PH: I don’t know! And I might vomit too!
Me: I’d like to paint the living room a lighter color.
PH: And I’m going to build a deck off the back.
Me: Oooh, that’ll look good. But again, how are we going to be able to pay the mortgage every month?
PH: Don’t know. Which room should we use for the office?

A few hours later, we got another call from our agent saying the seller was still accepting offers and would decide at 3:30 p.m. on Sunday. Skip ahead through plenty of conversations like the one above and our agent finally called.

The seller went with an offer that was similar to ours, but it waived the home inspection. Which actually makes me feel better because, while I may have been convinced to up our offer money-wise, there’s no way you could convince me to skip the inspection. I mean, I’ve seen “The Money Pit.” It would begin with a little leak in the bathroom, which would lead to the floor having to be torn up, which would lead to my best friend plunging to her death while trying to pee, which would lead to a lawsuit from her husband, which would lead to us having to put the house on the market with no bathroom, which would lead to us not selling it, which would lead to plenty of fights between the PH and I, which would inevitably lead to our break up. It’s just not worth it, given my strong attachment to both SJ and the PH.

And so the search continues…

Thursday, November 09, 2006

30's not that old, right?

Me (to a new kid working at my company): Hi.
Him: Hello, ma’am.
Me: You make me feel old when you call me ma’am. I’m probably not much older than you.
Him: 18.
Me: Oh. I guess I am.

My days of being “in my twenties” are coming to an end. But I should point out that I was carded yesterday because everyone at our table had to be 21 to be in the bar area. I think the waiter may have been messing with me.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

God, not ANOTHER post about her engagement!

Yes, folks, another post about my engagement. But before you complain too much, you should realize that this is the only thing going on in my life. Other than house hunting, job searching and other minor stuff, that is.

Anyway, I got a call from my friend MP last week. She had emailed to wish me a happy one-week anniversary of being engaged (how thoughtful is this chick?!? I tried to convince The FiancĂ© to buy me some flowers to mark the day, but apparently he isn’t quite as sentimental as MP). Anyway, she called to find out what I had gotten planned in the almost two weeks since TF popped the question. Ummmm… well…

Dress? Perhaps. Maybe. I don’t know. I found one I really like on-line, but I feel like I need to go check it out in the store to see if it’s a feasible option. I won’t go into detail in case I buy it (or in case TF decides to start reading the blog), but I will say that it’s different… and colorful. But since I’m not sure it’s “The One,” I’m going to hold off putting a check in this category.

Church? Date? Well, no. We’re still deciding between a destination wedding a year-and-a-half from now and something local in about a year. They both have their advantages and disadvantages, which we continue to debate about. But I did call the priest, he just hasn’t returned my call yet. Perhaps I could have half a check?

DJ? Photographer? Yes. OK, not exactly. I have friends who do both of these things and we’re trying to decide if we can ask them to do them for our wedding. We want them to be able to enjoy the day and are also hesitant because it’s tacky to request a specific gift (although we’re not actually that cheap. We would pay them whatever they asked for and of course would not expect a gift on top of that).

Ugh, talking about people getting us stuff is making me ill. Anyway… Reception site? Caterers? Nope. I have some ideas and left a message about seeing one place today, but otherwise, no further along than we were two weeks go.

A list of who we’ll invite? Aha! Yes! TF and I sat down last week and wrote out a list of who we want invited (and asked our parents to do the same). We need to have an idea whether the wedding is going to be 100 or 200 people in order to look at places for the reception. So I have done something!

I just hope to have more to report when MP calls to wish me a happy three-week engagement anniversary.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Kevin and Britney are no more.

Is there anyone else so broken up about this?

Man. I thought those kids were gonna make it. And they practically share our anniversary. Except that they chose the more popular "Wednesday" to get married on.

Friday, November 03, 2006

the longest. week. ever.

It’s Friday, and I’m still recovering from my weekend. my long, long, long weekend. first the 8 hour drive. Including the 20 miles through a blizzard (yes! Way too early to see snow!) we got there late-ish on Saturday night – just in time for the family dinner (doh! if only the blizzard slowed us down a little more…)

we made an appearance. I confess that I ignored the two cousins who were unbearable to me the last time I saw the whole family together. And almost made a comment about getting my sweater at the goodwill, but whatever.

The weekend was surreal. We were in a far off corner of western New York, and it felt like another world. A world where civilization meant five fast food chains all in one clustered spot off of an exit (where the next exit was 19 miles further down the road). Here in our little overcrowded nutmeg state, it’s hard to imagine not having a neighbor for miles. In fact, it would be particularly challenging if our neighbors lived miles away because we wouldn’t have enough garden hose.

Let me explain.

So we were gone all weekend. We come home. Exhausted in the wee hours of Monday. Bailey is even tired. Everyone goes to bed. J had the day off, and woke up way too early and went off to run errands, leaving me behind to get ready for work and trudge off (amazingly, I got in by 9:30 even though I left my house at 8. that never works that way, just so you know). he had asked me in the morning if I could call my dad because the well pump was running an awful lot. I said sure.

Two hours later, around 11, I came out of my first meeting of the day to a message from my husband. “can you call your dad? Our pump won’t stop running.” So I called him back, and he told me that he had already talked to my dad a few times, and was now digging a hole.

Uh oh.

So, a few hours later and several phone calls later, my husband is sitting six feet under, in the well, in some kind of yoga position that might be comfortable for me – but not so much for poor j. I left work early “No running water.. husband in a ditch… see you tomorrow! call my cell if you neeeeeed meeeeeeeeee….”

And yes, insert Lassie jokes here: “What’s that, Bailey? Daddy’s stuck in the well?”

Here it is, days later, still not clean water (have you ever tried washing your hair using a gallon of water in that stupid plastic container? If not, start practicing your flexibility now, people. Because heavy water jug = trying to tip said jug over your head evenly and without getting the entire bathroom soaked = not easy.) The first night, we didn’t let the heat run because something about dirty water, water heater, boiler – something silly like that.

My hair is starting to look a little worse for wear – I need some serious water pressure soon or I may have to cut my hair.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

True story from a fair maiden who was there...

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess named… Sierra Jones (or “SJ” for short). And she was lucky enough to meet her Prince Charming (we’ll call him “J”) and fall in love and the day before Valentine’s Day, find an engagement ring in the pocket of her coat. Each month, the townspeople gathered around their copies of “The Daily Bugle” to read SJ’s column about her wedding planning. They read about how she made beee-oooooooooo-ti-ful (as in every fairy tale, make sure “beautiful” stretches out for at least five seconds when reading…) topiaries for her centerpieces and how she painstakingly beaded beee-oooooooooo-ti-ful (you know what to do) flowers for her bouquet and even how she made the bouquets for the beee-oooooooooo-ti-ful maidens in her wedding party.

And the town rejoiced with SJ and J as their wedding date approached, sure that such a detail-oriented princess would surely have the most perfect wedding day ever. For SJ was the type of princess who left little to other people, but instead took care of even the smallest details in an elegant and creative manner.

But the evil witch, Intestinal Complications, looked down at SJ from her deep, dark cave and thought, “I cannot let SJ’s wedding day go by without a visit from me. I shall ruin that princess if it’s the last thing I do!”

So Intestinal Complications swooped down from her perch and struck the rosy-cheeked minister SJ had hired for her special day! (play dark music here). “What shall I do?” the fair princess cried. “My beee-oooooooooo-ti-ful day could be ruined if I don’t find a minister.”

Luckily, SJ had many wonderful friends who came to her rescue, one of whom was friends with another minister. A second minister was hired and the day went off without a hitch (except for one fair maiden ripping her frock during the ceremony and some other little things, but those are just details, people!)

OK, the day MOSTLY went off without a hitch and Princess SJ and Prince J lived happily ever after… But not before SJ came to the rescue of her beee-oooooooooo-ti-ful friend, Katslana Anna-Banana Turnipgreen (or “KAT”), and used her princess organizational skills to plan the second best wedding the land had ever seen.

The End.