Wednesday, November 01, 2006

True story from a fair maiden who was there...

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess named… Sierra Jones (or “SJ” for short). And she was lucky enough to meet her Prince Charming (we’ll call him “J”) and fall in love and the day before Valentine’s Day, find an engagement ring in the pocket of her coat. Each month, the townspeople gathered around their copies of “The Daily Bugle” to read SJ’s column about her wedding planning. They read about how she made beee-oooooooooo-ti-ful (as in every fairy tale, make sure “beautiful” stretches out for at least five seconds when reading…) topiaries for her centerpieces and how she painstakingly beaded beee-oooooooooo-ti-ful (you know what to do) flowers for her bouquet and even how she made the bouquets for the beee-oooooooooo-ti-ful maidens in her wedding party.

And the town rejoiced with SJ and J as their wedding date approached, sure that such a detail-oriented princess would surely have the most perfect wedding day ever. For SJ was the type of princess who left little to other people, but instead took care of even the smallest details in an elegant and creative manner.

But the evil witch, Intestinal Complications, looked down at SJ from her deep, dark cave and thought, “I cannot let SJ’s wedding day go by without a visit from me. I shall ruin that princess if it’s the last thing I do!”

So Intestinal Complications swooped down from her perch and struck the rosy-cheeked minister SJ had hired for her special day! (play dark music here). “What shall I do?” the fair princess cried. “My beee-oooooooooo-ti-ful day could be ruined if I don’t find a minister.”

Luckily, SJ had many wonderful friends who came to her rescue, one of whom was friends with another minister. A second minister was hired and the day went off without a hitch (except for one fair maiden ripping her frock during the ceremony and some other little things, but those are just details, people!)

OK, the day MOSTLY went off without a hitch and Princess SJ and Prince J lived happily ever after… But not before SJ came to the rescue of her beee-oooooooooo-ti-ful friend, Katslana Anna-Banana Turnipgreen (or “KAT”), and used her princess organizational skills to plan the second best wedding the land had ever seen.

The End.


sj said...


i literally laughed out loud. thank you for that.

and i would happily create the same excel spreadsheet for table arrangements, completed with vlookup to determine the amount of chicken/beef/seafood at each table, as required by the soup nazi - i mean, head waiter who frowned upon the whole "Green Bean Coverup Caper."

Molly said...

Miss Turnipgreen, I now understand why you are in a rush to get married with a name like that!

Very cute story and a great way to get SJ to "volunteer" her services.

More important than planning the wedding, you get to have a shower. With presents!