He's Just Not That Into You

In honor of this movie coming out today (and yes, I will be going to see it opening weekend because a) I love me a good chick flick and b) I may be able to relate to some of these characters), I thought I'd come up with my own list of Ways to Tell if he's just not that into you.

I'd like to point out that hindsight is 20/20, and had I actually been able to have an out of body experience in my past dating life, it would have been a little easier on me because I could have given myself tips. Or I never would have dated anyone, and would be alone living with several rabbits (because I'm not much of a cat person) and maybe would have learned to knit.

So, here are my tips based on real life events that I've dealt with at some point in my dating history for evaluating just how into you he really is. If at all. In my estimation. Which could be way off. And in fact, probably is.

1) You meet him for a blind/internet/random date. Thankfully, I've met most of my ex boyfriends in person and didn't really deal with the uncomfortable blind datey-ness. But I dealt with it enough to know that if he is avoiding eye contact, checking out the waitress or any other female in the room and constantly looking at his phone, he's probably not into you.

2) You have a date. He calls with a lame excuse and asks to cancel. And doesn't call back. Probably not into you.

3) He is a famous movie star who starred as Mr. Darcy in the BBC verion of Pride and Prejudice. You are a schoolmarmish yet attractive bookworm from Connecticut who's idea of a good time is playing Boggle in a coffee shop or scrabble over a bottle of wine. He's probably not into you.

4) You have a total connection. You like him. He likes you. You're certain of it. You click. You have a great makeout session. He calls you one month later to tell you sorry. He's been busy with work. Chances are? He's not into you. Maybe you are not the fantastic makeout queen you think you are. But then you make out with someone else, and realize, no. You are. He's just not that into you.

5) You throw up on him. He asks you to marry him. Ding Ding! He *is* into you.

Really, what it comes down to is that there is no accounting for chemistry. I cannot explain it, having dated a swath of either side of the dating spectrum.

It's not about looks (although, it's oddly true that only one of my past love interests has had perfect vision -- I seem to dig guys with four eyes), or height, or intelligence -- although I have my preferences. There's just something that clicks with a person -- even with friends.

Some people you like, some people you don't. And if you try (AHEM, my dearest friend whom I affectionally call 'pea') to understand why, you'll drive yourself crazy.

I say this, of course, immediately after having 231 conversations with various friends about all of these situations. Except maybe number 3. I realize that if Colin Firth ever met me, he'd totally fall in love with me. I've already warned J that he'd better stop discussing our marital issues with random waitresses.

And really. Knowing that he's just not into me? Just not enough.