Saturday, August 30, 2008

when Victoria's Secret attacks...

okay. raise your hand if you wear an underwire bra.

and now, raise your hand if your mom used to tell you not to. (oh look- there are my sisters. raising their hands. hi guys!) i've never fully understood why we weren't supposed to wear them. but we weren't.

and now, folks, i know why.

i am one of those people who hate to throw away favorite items of clothing. that applies to a hoodie i've had since college, favorite pointy toed flats, favorite jeans, etc. and it also applies to my favorite bras. it's just so hard to find them, so when you find the perfect ones, you just wanna keep it.

well apparently, i need to reexamine my relationship with my underthings. because as i was sitting in a meeting (with my boss) the other day, my bra turned on me.

it attacked. it stabbed, in fact. it nearly drew blood.

at first i thought something was biting me. imagine my reaction to feel a sharp stab somewhere in the vicinity of my left boob. imagine now, that reaction and how it must have appeared to my 40-something male boss. i sat up immediately and grabbed my chest.

and i don't even think he noticed.

when it bit me the second time, i excused myself to the ladies room, where i promptly discovered the wire from my bra had managed to become undone from its sleeve and the sharp pointy end was poking me.

i thought of my options. i figured braless was not an option (maybe at 24. but not at 31). so i performed minor surgery and removed the offending wire. and maybe you couldn't tell, really. but i could tell. so i naturally had to remove the other wire. which is not easy, in a ladies room at work with no utilities. but i managed it.



so now i know. it's not because underwire bras are bad for you. it's because they are, in fact, vicious.

vicious and dangerous. consider yourself warned.

current itunes song: "Hard" by Grey-Eye Glances

7 comments:

Stephanie said...

My hand is raised. I have to wear underwires, as my bras are made out of recycled parachutes, post pregnanc(ies) and nursing, so my excess chest crap just cannot be contained without major hardware. What I don't understand is, how do the ends of the wire sharpen themselves into some sort of prison-esque shank? I almost had a home mastectomy once...

Molly said...

I have to wear underwire because I gave birth and didn't believe that your boobs really do hit the floor when you reach a certain age and have had children. But they do. I have a beautiful bra from Victoria's Secret and it not only lifts, but gives me beautiful cleavage - until I take it off and the song "drop it like it's hot" plays in my head as my boobs hit the floor. But I would think that the wire sticking out of your bra means that it is possibly three years or older?!

KAT's little sis said...

I think you should sue Victoria's Secret like that woman who got hit in the eye with a sparkle from a pair of Victoria's Secret panties. She's trying to collect several million dollars saying the company was negligent in its manufacturing.
Just think, you could be a multi-millionaire all because of a little piece of underwire!

hautepocket said...

Underwire are my faves. But I have experienced this same thing (the biting, not your heroic efforts that followed) and I can attest to is pain. Not awesome!

Mama's Losin' It said...

I hear you but I'm not listening...or is it the other way around. I'm with Kat's lil sis...sue the pants off VS and then split the loot...because you're generous like that.

Srg said...

I'm an underwire wearer too and although I love VS bras, those are the only ones I've ever had a problem with regarding their underwires. They either poke thru their sleeve almost as soon as I start wearing it, or that little pad of fabric wears away to nothing shortly afterwards and then the red marks start to appear. Those babies are dangerous! But they definitely help in the lift department, so I'm not giving them up any time soon.

Bryan said...

maybe some pasties with tassles of course are a better choice. idk but maybe