That sound you heard was karma kicking me in the ass...

On Tuesday, I gave you the cute little factoid that I have only thrown up from drinking three times in my life. Only three. And-- ha, ha-- it just so happens they all have cute little stories attached.

On Wednesday, I puked after drinking... and for the first time, there is no funny story. Bleah.

Before I go any further, I need to say to SJ (my martini partner in crime) that "I was buzzed, not drunk." We got into an argument after dragging our husbands to a restaurant (so we'd have designated drivers) and downing three martinis each about who was more drunk. I still contend that I was only buzzed while SJ was surely drunk (as evidenced by her trying to perform the field sobriety test in the parking lot-- and I couldn't have been drunk because I was the one giving it to her!)

So, if I wasn't drunk, how did I end up vomiting? Well, the Pretend Husband got us home safely and decided to have a drink with me (his first, my fourth for those of you playing along at home). Then, the phone rang and two of my high school friends told us they would come pick us up if we wanted to go to the one bar in town. Where I kept drinking (add two Citron & 7Ups to the tally board, please).

I honestly didn't feel at all ill... until I threw up (in the toilet) (and on the insides of my elbows-- I'm still not sure how I managed that). And, unfortunately, no funny story this time (unless you count the laughing SJ is doing right now because she thinks she was right about me being drunk).

Don't you already know enough about me?

I can't not get in on this little contest from our good bloggy buddy Andy.

That's why I'm responding to his challenge.
My mission? Write one post on my blog this week describing:
A) Something nobody knows about me, or
B) One of my favorites stories from my childhood, or
C) My 10 Top Favorite (Fill in the Blank).

And because you all know everything whacky about me - that leaves out a. And you all know I had a crazy childhood filled with goats, sheep, chickens and what not, that leaves out b.

So C it is.

My Top 10 Favorite uh... uh... let's go with - My Top 10 Favorite Holiday Things. Or:

Top 10 Favorite Things I Love About the Holidays

1) The days off. That sounds lame, I realize, but really. I couldn't be more ecstatic that this is a short week and that I will have the next four days off. The whole turkey thing is just icing. But not turkey-flavored icing. Because that'd be gross.
2) All the parties and reasons to get dressed up. I love getting dressed up in fancy holiday wear. And my company has a fancy schmancy party each year that requires me to get a new outfit every year. I loves it.
3) Getting to spend extra time with my family and friends. Holidays mean VISITORS! And ENTERTAINING! Two things I love, but don't get any of during the rest of the year. And I love cooking for friends. I just don't get to do it often.
4) Two words: Christmas Trees.
5) Two more words: Christmas Lights.
6) And two more: Santa Claus
7) Cookie swaps! I'm doing one through work this year. We had one in our family, but my poor sister got tired out with all of the stress it caused (and it's tough to organize and believe you me-- making 9 dozen cookies is no easy thing.)
8) ABC Family's 25 days of corny, lame, schmaltzy Christmas movies.
9) Slower month at work, allowing me time to regain my sanity and give me more hours in the week to work on all the year end crap I must face.
10) 24 hours of Christmas Carols.

Now, I realize that some of you out there may say "Boo - Christmas is so commercial. yada yada...."

But you know what? I don't care. Keep that thought to yourself, because I freaking love Christmas, all right?

And if I have to hear one more person complain about the fact that I am going to put up my two Christmas trees the day after Thanksgiving, they're going to find themselves at the sharp pointy end of said tree. Like a freaking Christmas angel, all right?

Quit your whining and enjoy the freaking spirit of the freaking season, people.

Happy Holidays!

Love,
SJ

A riddle wrapped up in a puzzle, wrapped in an enigma...

I’m doing an assignment by Andy at WildARS Chase to share something nobody knows about me. But I’m going to modify it to fit my needs (what? I get points taken off for that, Andy? Oh, c’mon! I will be talking to the dean about how unfair you are about grading!) Since I don’t have a “I was born a man but now live as a woman married to a man who has no idea” kind of secret, I’ll tell you a bunch of little random facts about me. You know, in case you feel like, up to now, I’ve just been oh-so-secretive about myself…

* I used to be a huge dork of the type where I actually have stories that start with “This one time, at band camp…” Yeah, I was in the band. In high school. And in college (but only three of my four years there in case that makes me slightly less nerdy).

* I’ve never been arrested.

* I have been locked into the back seat of a police cruiser, but only for a ride-along I did as a reporter.

* A farmer who owned goats and chickens, a Mormon, a cop, a guy who turned out to be cheating on his girlfriend and a guy 15 years old than me: it sounds like the start of a joke, but sadly, that’s just my dating history (uh, I’m sure this goes without saying, but my entire dating history took place prior to marrying the PH… just so we’re all clear on that).

* I bit my fingernails until I was in college. And then just stopped. I had never been able to break myself of the habit and I have no idea what made me stop suddenly, but I’m glad I did.

* I’ve puked only three times in my life from drinking, but they all come with funny stories (one involved a piece of bread falling out of my shirt, another was the SJ in bed with me with no pants on story that gets told quite often and the third included me ordering “cabernon sauvigner” with a French accent). I plan on stopping this train right here at the third station and (hopefully) not making any more stops because puking your guts out sucks… even when it includes a funny story.

well, that was fun.

i'm back from vacation. and we had -- truly - a BLAST. i meant to blog while i was there, since there were so many precious things said by e or JAL -- i really wish i had carried a notebook with me.

so, some highlights:
1) there are a number of pictures of me with various characters. this, in part, was due to a direct request from my nephew. he was initially a little trepidacious about meeting some of them, although. there was no real logic behind it. he was cool with Captain Hook, but afraid of Peter Pan. totally cool with Tigger, Pooh, etc., but petrified of Alice.

2) we got there on Saturday, but my dear little nephew was insistent that we were not yet in Disney World. we went to Animal Kingdom. still not in disney world. saw Mickey. still not in Disney World. went to EPCOT. still not in Disney World. went to Hollywood studios. still not in Disney World. not until we were AT the castle, were we actually considered "in Disney World."

3) as we were sitting in the Liberty Tree Tavern, awaiting Pluto's visit to our table, we asked him, "So? Are you in Disney World?" his response? "no, mom. We're in the dinner place."
duh.

4) riding tower of terror with the little guy. he's 3.5. so imagine the chagrin of the adults riding the ride with us (no wait, btw - we walked right on TWICE in a row) when he squealed with delight -- not fear.

5) why do i always get the seat with no handles on that ride?

6) i got to ride the goofy rollercoaster again with no one looking at me funny because i was with a child. ditto to the magic carpets and the dinosaurs at Animal Kingdom.

7) it was COLD. i had to wear half of the contents of my suitcase at once in order to stay warm enough. which meant every outfit i wore, i strongly resembled Minnie Mouse.

there's probably more... and I'll have to ask JAL to comment to remind me of some of the highlights. but, right now, i'm buried and must get back to it.

i've missed you, bloggies. and will be around to all of your blogs eventually to see what fun antics i've missed.

What, us? Competitive?

As it happened, Kat's lil sis and my good friend, Mrs. Matt, were pregnant at the same time and due only six days apart. So it was natural that would ask me how the other was doing, how much weight they had gained, etc.

And I wouldn't be named FunnyGal KAT if I didn't have a little fun with it, right?

So I kind of enjoyed filling in Lil Sis about Mrs. Matt's perfect pregnancy. She actually lost weight at the beginning of her pregnancy while Lil Sis was beefing up. And when Lil Sis was suffering from swollen ankles and all sorts of other maladies, Mrs. Matt had a cute little bump and no discernible weight gain anywhere else.

Lil Sis figured that since she was way more miserable (and due first), it was only right she have her baby before Mrs. Matt had hers. So, when I told her Mrs. Matt had given birth the day before, her response was "That little f#^&er!" (Actually, Mrs. Matt hadn't given birth-- she had only told me to tell Lil Sis good luck with her delivery and I translated it... hee hee!)

And it didn't help matters that Lil Sis spent 11 hours in labor while Mrs. Matt was in the delivery room for nine whole minutes (which she describes as "the most painful nine minutes I've ever felt..." but I've noticed she only says that when other mothers aren't around!) Yeah, Lil Sis is a little miffed at Mrs. Matt and her perfect pregnancy, delivery and child. So, of course we had to capitalize on that.

Last night, shortly after Lil Sis arrived at my dad's house with the best nephew in the world, I told her I had recently talked to Mrs. Matt (keep in mind these kids are 10 weeks old and their greatest trick at this point is smiling...)

KAT: "Mrs. Matt was asking about Peyton, how much he weighs and what he's doing."

Lil Sis: "What's her daughter doing?"

KAT: "She's close to rolling over and Mrs. Matt thinks she might start crawling in the next few weeks."

Lil Sis: "Well, they say boys don't develop as quickly as girls..."

KAT: "And she doesn't quite say 'Mama' yet, but she's been saying, 'Mmmmmmaaaaa..."

Lil Sis: "Oh my gosh, Mrs. Matt has, like, a genius child!"

Yeah, I'd say Lil Sis is still pissed about the nine minute delivery...

Surprise!

We pulled off one of the best surprises ever yesterday when Kat's lil sis, lil bro-in-law and the best nephew in the world flew in for a visit. Lil sis had told our dad a few weeks ago that she ordered him a birthday present, but it was on backorder and wouldn't arrive for a few weeks. So yesterday, after I picked everyone up at the airport, I walked into Dad's house and said, "Lil sis sent your birthday present to my house. Let me get it."

Dad was still confused about why I was at his house in the middle of a weekday afternoon, but reacted immediately when I walked back in carrying Peyton. He said he knew immediately who Peyton was, even out of context. Then lil sis and lil bro-in-law walked in, and we blew all of Dad's plans for the rest of the week out of the water.

It's been stressful putting this surprise together and pulling it off (and especially not mentioning it to Dad since I talk to him daily), but it was oh-so-worth-it when I saw the look on his face as he met his grandson for the first time. The best part was when Dad told his fiancee, "Here, hold Peyton while I go to the bathroom. But I'm taking him as soon as I come back." No card from Hallmark even compares.

Just call me Busty the mythbuster...

Myth #1: Husbands are insensitive jerks. I busted that one on our first wedding anniversary when the Pretend Husband presented me with both a funny and sensitive gift. Because the traditional first anniversary gift is paper, the PH went for a paper theme and filled the most hideous dollar store gift bag (that's the funny part, along with a dollar store thank you card as my anniversary card because the monkey on the front said I not only made his day, but his whole year...) with a huge pack of Post-It notes. But not only did he give me paper, he wrote on the first note of each stack, things like, "Happy Anniversary" and "Thank you for everything you do" and "I love you." Of course, the PH didn't realize how many Post-Its come in a pack and quickly ran out of things to say, so the notes toward the bottom of the bag said things like, "I love paper products" and "Molly smells. Love, Casey" and "Casey eats poop. Love, Molly," but still, it's the thought that counts, right?

Myth #2: Low rise tights are not an option. After SJ mentioned her frustration with finding anything but low-rise tights, I was curious. And, since the only tights I could find last night were low-rise, I decided to give them a shot. And here's the thing... I'm worried I've been wearing my tights too low all along (were they supposed to cover my boobs, too?) because the "low-rise" version? They sit at my waist, just like the regular version always did. Oh, and apologies to our one male reader, WildARS, for having to even think about this topic (and apologies to his girlfriend Capricorn because now he has the sexy image of me wearing tights up to my armpits in his head!)

Myth #3: Dark paint makes rooms appear smaller. As someone who just painted her bedroom navy blue, I can attest this one is not true. Because we just moved almost every piece of furniture we own into the room and I still have a huge gaping expanse to fill (wow, my bedroom sounds huge-- oh, did I forget to mention I actually grew up in a castle?). So, everyone is invited over Thursday for Jazzercise to put the extra space to good use (leg warmers are optional, but leotards are a must).

Top 5 signs that we need a vacation

1) i managed to wrangle my inbox at work down to 5,150 messages. when i came in this morning and discovered it was back up to 5,200 i may have exclaimed WTF. and i may have thrown a post-it note pad.

2) my husband is expressing his disappointment with me to random waitresses in a restaurant while out with the PH and KAT. even he realized how wrong he was, however, as he tried to get busy with me after 11 last night (unprecendented for us since year 2 when we both have early morning meetings).

3) i wasn't having it.

4) our dog looks at us with some trepidation when we tell him things like: "mommy is a little annoyed with daddy for this evening's shenanigans."

5) our last vacation was with my parents. and i love my parents, really. but there's something about vacationing with them that makes me feel less married and more 16 years old and out with my boyfriend.

Another reason to be glad you're not the Pretend Husband...

When we picked the color for the master bedroom in our new house, we (OK, I) chose a pinkish brown that was supposed to go well with the bluish color of our comforter. We painted the walls at night and liked the pinkish brown color of them, although they looked more brown than pink. But when we went upstairs to check out the room the next day, we were stunned to discover we had painted our room mauve (which, for the color-illiterate, is waaaaaay more pink than brown).

The Pretend Husband grumbled about it, but seemed placated by the people who said it wouldn't be so bad when we got our furniture moved in and stuff up on the walls. Me on the other hand? I hated it, but didn't want to admit I made a mistake (and, to be honest, did not feel like repainting the room we had just spent all that time painting when there were, oh, eleventy-hundred other things that need to be done in that house).

I finally sucked it up this weekend, just hours before we were going to be moving our furniture in, when I realized if I didn't do something, I'd probably be living in a mauve room for the next 10 years. Sly as I am, I think I actually got the PH to think it was his idea to re-paint and better yet, he thinks he finally won an argument about the house (and, even better, now he owes me!)

So, instead of moving furniture, we headed out to Home Depot, picked out a nice navy blue and spent the rest of the day slapping on a couple of coats. Which, next to the gray we chose for the hallway, it's looking a little like the Civil War is being fought in our very own house (you know, the blue and the gray? The North and the South? Geez, am I the only one who grew up with a Civil War buff for a father?) In any case, it's a huge improvement over pink.

Letters from SJ

Dear Winter,

I love you more than most seasons. I do - you're so cool and you come with Christmas, hot cocoa and fireplaces -- which is awesome.

But what the @#% is with the static on my poor hair? Seriously? Just once I'd be able to wear my hair straight and down for more than 2 hours before having to secure it into a nerdly librarian bun. Just *once.*

Screw you and your dry air,
SJ

***
Dear Target,

I heart you and your fabulous bargains. But can we discuss your layout? Why do you have to be different in every freakin' store I visit? Why do you insist on hiding things from me? You know I want to buy that fabulous pair of striped tights, and yet? You only carry them in one of the four Targets that I pass on my way home.

Why?

Yours,
SJ

***
Dear Manufacturer of Low-Rise Tights,

WTF?

-SJ

Since when does "cheap crap" not include balloons and party hats?

We had a surprise dinner for my dad's birthday the other night (at the Chinese buffet... because we're classy like that). When we got to the restaurant, I was lamenting the fact that I hadn't had time to pick up some party hats and balloons for our little group (because the only thing classier than celebrating a birthday at the Chinese buffet is looking like an idiot while you do it). My little brother (who is actually more than six-and-a-half feet tall) offered to run into the discount place next door and buy hats.

Lil' bro comes running in a few minutes later without hats or balloons and starts to bitch about what happened.

"So, I walk into the store and there's color everywhere! And of course nothing is organized, so I walk up to the woman at the front and say, 'Do you have party hats?' and she looks at me like I just asked the most inappropriate question ever and says, 'Party hats?' I say, 'Yes, hats you would wear for a party?' and she says, with the biggest attitude, 'If you want party hats, you're going to have to go to one of those party stores.'" (Oh yes, because apparently a party store is the only kind of place that would carry party supplies... because you can't find that stuff in a Wal-Mart or a Target or almost any other discount store, oh no)

So lil' bro goes running through the store ("I covered that place in about 45 seconds.") but, to his chagrin, "There was nothing, not even a tiara I could make Dad wear."

We are still wondering how the discount place doesn't carry party supplies, but as one of our friends pointed out, "How much can you discount a 39-cent balloon?" So, Dad didn't get a ridiculous hat to wear for his birthday, but the Chinese buffet staff made up for it by playing a version of Happy Birthday on the restaurant sound system that sounded like it was being sung by a Mexican Mariachi band. And if that doesn't say, "Dad, we love you and hope this was the best birthday yet," I don't know what does. 

things that totally made my day today

it's a monday, and mondays are usually icky and horrible, but today, my day has been superb (which is much-needed because yesterday was kind of crap).

so here's my short list of things that made today great:

1) an awesome email from a good friend of mine whom i hadn't heard from all week (and i miss him a lot).
2) a huge bouquet of flowers delivered to me at work from j. *sigh.
3) a peanut butter pie made by a co-worker that will require me to do an hour and a half of pilates but whatevs.
4) an old flame telling me how hot i looked in a pic i posted on FB (thank you, and i know - and double parenthetical note: FB is still my dirty little mistress to blogger. but she knows it's not serious.)
5) nothing blowing up yet.
6) the knowledge that i only have to get through this week before i'm on vacation next week with Jal and little E and I can't WAIT. i'll bring my laptop to blog from the Happiest Place on Earth.

i know we have to follow our recend award rules and post our pics, and we will this week. scout's honor. although i was never in these "scouts" - so. that doesn't sound promising, does it?

What the critics are saying...

Funny Gals is the subject of much critical acclaim these days, garnering an award from one of our most faithful readers, WildARS. How exciting, huh? And while we originally got the award for some lame reason like, "They're so supportive. When one doesn't feel like blogging, the other one comforts her while she cries, tells her she's better off without him and does the blogging for her!" he later stepped up to the plate (OK, I admit it. I shamed him in his own comments section) and gave us a kick-ass reason for the award.

That's right, kids. Critics are talking about Funny Gals. It's the feel-good blog of the holiday season. Run, don't walk, to the nearest computer to get in on the funniest blog since "Funny Guys" and "Funny Grrrlz." Our first review is in, from WildARS himself, and it says: "Funnygal is kick me in the crotch fantastic."

End of shameless self-promotion.

I totally think I could have taken that 10-year-old in a fight!

On Halloween, the dogs went nuts every time the doorbell rang and scratched at the glass door in an effort to get at the trick-or-treaters to lick them to death. During one such melee, I was standing outside the door with the kids and to make sure they weren't scared of the puffballs (who each weigh less than 20 pounds-- oh-so-scary!) I told them their names.

One of the boys, who was about 10 years old, said, "Casey looks like she's pretty stupid."

Um, what?!? Being my usual, mature self, I felt I had to defend my dog against this little brat and said (in a haughty tone), "Actually, she's very smart."

"How is she smart?" the boy said.

"Well, she knows sign language. When want her to sit, we don't have to say 'sit,' we just show her the sign and she does it."

I still think the boy was more impressed by the candy I gave him than Casey's abilities, but I'm still counting it as a victory against that little punk.

Bloggin' it Old School

Because I am so very lazy, and we have some new readers, I thought I'd go old school on y'all. I found this while being a creeper and loitering on other people's blogs. Shh. Don't tell the person I got it from.

Feel free to steal it and repost on your blog! I won't even say that you should say something nice about me (i.e. freakin' lazy sj finally posts, and she was totally lame about it).

1) What would you say your most fundamental flaw is?
i have so many flaws, but one particular flaw is my inability to walk away when i should. this applies to many things, and it's fairly universal. it's very hard for me to let go, even when something is hurting me.

2) What was your dream growing up?
i wanted to be a famous actress or singer. but i think it's safe to say I wanted to be famous (which i funny, because now i prefer to be anonymous). i also wanted to be an FBI agent. in fact, a combination of all three would have been ideal. so, an actress playing an FBI agent who had to go undercover as a lounge singer.

3) What talent do you wish you had?
i can sing a decent tune, but i wish i could play the piano.

4) If I bought you a drink what would it be?
i think it'd be really sweet of you to buy me a drink. you don't even know me! well, unless you're jal (gin and tonic) or srg (tequila sunrise) or KAT (anything goes, but likely, a chocolate martini).

5) Favourite vegetable?
asparagus. even though it makes your pee smell funny.

6) What was the last book you read?
snow angels by stewart o'nan.

7) What zodiac sign are you?
i'm a little crabby.

8) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Explain where.
don't you think that's too much information? but really, no. nothing interesting. my vices are more mental.

9) Worst Habit?
i'm a horrible procrastinator.

10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride?
i'm not sure i know what you look like. so i likely wouldn't recognize you.

11) What is your favourite sport?
um. my what? well. i watch the red sox, and i throw around the pigskin in the yard with j and friends. but i'm the most clutzy person ever. as is evident by my previous travails.

12) Do you have a Negative or Optimistic attitude?
i'm generally optimistic. but even the most optimistic person has her bad days.

13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
again, since i don't know you, per se, i'd have to go with a general response. i would likely smile politely and move to the back of the elevator and hope you don't talk to me.

15) Tell me one weird fact about you.
i love m&m's, but i feel compelled to sort them by color before eating them. and when i do eat them, i have to eat the largest population first, and work my way around the color groups until they're even. and ideally, i prefer them to have even numbers, but i can work through that.

16) Do you have any pets?
yes, one. Bailey, the english springer spaniel. i used to have a bunny too (Crispix), but my bunny sadly died in December 2007 and i cried for a week.

17) What if I showed up at your house unexpectedly?
i'd be so happy! we never get visitors! i hope you're not allergic to dogs. and please don't mind that my living room is a mess.

18) What was your first impression of me?
again, tricky. but let's go with - i think all of my blog readers are special and awesome. and i'm not just saying that so you'll come back.

19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
incredibly creepy. and never cute.

20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
i would prefer to be better proportioned -- i have particular issues with my nose.

21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
i'll bring the shovel.

22) What color eyes do you have?
brown. but someone once told me they looked yellow, which is a little scary and freaky. i'm not usually so feline.

23) Ever been arrested?
no. i killed all of the witnesses.

24) Bottle or can soda?
i don't usually drink soda. so. a bottle of water?

25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?
pay off whatever remaining debt we have, redo the bathroom and carpet the stairs. omg. when did i grow up??

27) What's your favourite place to hang at?
my living room. else? with kat and the ph.

28) Do you believe in ghosts?
i'm not sure. when i'm home alone, i definitely don't.

29) Favourite thing to do in your spare time?
i love to read. i also am addicted to online scrabble. i am aware of what a nerd i am, thank you.

30) Do you swear a lot?
i try not to. but unfortunately, i do when i'm upset over something.

31) Biggest pet peeve?
i get really bothered by people when they take advantage of others, or abuse others. i don't like bullyish or manipulative people.

32) In one word, how would you describe yourself?
quirky.

33) Do you believe/appreciate romance?
i have a great appreciation for it, but i believe that it fades, which is unfortunate. i believe (too much) in the grand gesture and love letters.

35) Do you believe in God?
i believe in a higher power. i'm generally a spiritual person, though not a religious person.

36) What happened to question 14?
it got into a knife fight with question 26. neither was triumphant.

OK, back to the funny...

I'm not sure SJ has done her husband J justice about just how funny the dude can be. He's the type of guy who might go-- let's say-- an entire card game without cracking a joke. But other nights, the boy is on fire with the one-liners, the dirty jokes and the awesome comebacks. It never fails that the Pretend Husband and I spend the car ride home going back over our favorites on the nights J is "on."

In any case, that's my long introduction to the funniest thing J has said lately. I was talking to SJ the day after Halloween and I mentioned that srg and her lovely family stopped by our new house (since we're now practically neighbors). I also mentioned that it's possible I weirded out srg and her lovely family by mentioning like 17 times how we should meet up for dinner one night at the only restaurant in town (what? is it that obvious we're desperate for local friends?!?)

SJ thought it was great that we were interested in hanging out with one another and turned from the phone to explain to J what I said. She asked J, "Honey, wouldn't it be great if the PH and KAT became friends with srg and her cool cat husband?"

J's reply was less-than-enthusiastic, though: "You know how [the PH] doesn't like to mix his side dishes with his main meal? It's kind of like that."

I'm not sure, but I think SJ's husband may have implied I'm a hot dish (either that or I'm mashed potatoes, but I'm not sure how to take that).

Still pondering how many jobs I might have right now. In the meantime, you should go vote...

I have exercised my right to vote every time I've been eligible. Because I believe I shouldn't comment about how the government runs unless I've supported it or tried to change it. And while I don't post political signs in my yard, or argue politics or try to sway people to the candidates I support, I'm proud to cast my vote.

This morning, I was joined at the polls by more people than I've ever seen. Standing in a busy parking lot waiting to walk into the town hall of my new (old) town, I thought, "I'm proud to be an American," perhaps more proud now than I've ever been. It's just nice to see so many people care about what happens today.

I don't care who you want to be president. I don't care what your beliefs are or whether they are the same as mine. But I do care whether you participate. So, if you do nothing else today...

The company Christmas party is going to be pretty awkward if it turns out I don't actually work there...

Last month, I didn't have any jobs. Now, I have two... I think. In addition to the full-time gig at the newspaper I used to run and am now running again, I applied for a part-time position as a news anchor for a radio station. The application process has been one of the strangest I've experienced, but I'm pretty sure I was hired.

When I first applied for the job, I got a pretty positive response. We set up a time for an interview, I went in and was asked some questions and given a tour of the building. But in between comments like, "Oh, it would be so great to have another female here" were ones like, "I wish you the best of luck in your job search."

So I left there, sent the obligatory thank you... and never heard from them again. Oh, actually, I did hear from them again, but not for about two weeks. That's when I received an email asking if I was still looking for part-time work and what my availability was. Suspecting I was being hired, I emailed right back, expressing enthusiasm for the position and giving the request information... and didn't hear from them for another week or two.

The next email said my paperwork was winding its way through the company's hierarchy and asked if I could come in for training sometime in the next week. So, I showed up there this weekend, filled out tons of paperwork, learned how not to sexually harass my coworkers and was assigned a passcard for the door. But, here's the thing-- nowhere along the way have I been asked to work for the company, nor have I really discussed what shift I'll be assigned, nor has my pay ever been mentioned (although I remember filling out some tax forms so I suspect I'll be getting paid something...)

I'm going back next weekend for more training and was told I might even be on the air that night. So, what do you think? Am I hired?