Monday, October 27, 2008

I went on vacation with my parents. I am 31. Why are you laughing?

I'm sorry I haven't posted in so long. I mean, well, I'm a slacker. and I'm not sure if it's presumptuous of me to say "I'm sorry." But in truth, I have been in a bad mood for two weeks, and the fog is just starting to lift.

So here I am! Trying to remember the funny in the past few weeks.

As you know, because I mentioned it, and you read closely, I went to Amish country with my parents. This involved a good deal of a) shopping and b) eating. Apparently, there's this phenomenon in PA Dutch country that is known as "smorgasbord." I have never seen such variety of so many fattening foods in my life. At one time. When it wasn't a chinese buffet. I actually got lost. We went to this place called Shady Maple and I got so disoriented that I was temporarily lost.

Let me repeat: I lost my parents. And again, I'm 31.

We went to another one, and also a breakfast buffet. And I gained 15 pounds in three days. But lost it all when we walked all around the 25,392 fabric stores.

But the trip was filled with great quotes from my parents as we rode around with them. I kept pestering my dad to find me a buggy. After buggy #24 or so, it still hadn't lost its charm.

My favorite quotes:
Mom: "Look, a cemetery with no fence around it."
Dad: "What? It's not like they're going to try to get out."

Me: "That Amish lady was a bit of a pushy sales lady..."
Stranger: "I think she whips off that bonnet and heads to the casino when the shop closes."

While looking through a "tractor graveyard" at various parts and pieces of tractors:
Dad: "That's a yuppie manure spreader."

Now, this was funny to me because I know *a lot* of yuppies. But none of them have a manure speader. I'm not sure what a young urban professional would do with a manure spreader, in fact. I only know yuppies who figuratively spread manure.


scargosun said...

Shadey Maple ROCKS! I have FOND childhood memories of that place.

Andy said...

Your dad rocks... and I do love a good smorgasboard. My brother lives in Amish country and dates Mennonite girls. Not sure if they put out.

Paige said...

Well I am as close to a yuppie as you can get without living in a city and I have a manure spreader.

I just tonight had dinner with my parents, and I swear I have to start taking a recorder with me--I am going to blog about the crazy shit that comes out of my dad's mouth.

Family vacations shall never happen to me again. But my people are not right--I am sure yours are better

Srg said...

That is just hilarious! I'm going to have to tell J that your dad went to a tractor graveyard. He'll be so jealous!

SouthernBelle said...

OMG, I knew there was a reason I liked the Amish! Anyone who provides a smorgasbord is all right by me.

P.S. - My mum would be right into the fabric stores too.

P.P.S. My dad has been asked if he was Amish on account of his beard-with-no-moustache (also may have something to do with his little round gold framed glasses and the fact that he wears waistcoats & suspenders.)

sj's mom said...

Ok Sara I did not take you to all those fabric stores and we even did not hit all my favorites! Even dad said we had plenty of room left in the back! But thankfully not enough for a manure spreader.

sj said...

Holy Cow.

Called out (with my name and everything) by my own mother on my blog.

Still. It was *a lot* of fabric to view.

Paige, are we related?

Andy, SB, Scargo: heck yeah smorgasbords are awesome. except. i haven't yet gotten used to just one entree for dinner. i was a little spoiled. yesterday i was looking for the chicken parm to go with my pierogis.

Bryan said...

Was your dad looking at a blogger when he said 'that's a yuppie manure spreader' ?

SouthernBelle said...

Is it wrong that I love your mom, SJ?

"Even dad said we had plenty of room left in the back! But thankfully not enough for a manure spreader."

Gold. And Textbook Mom.

Technically since we are twins, can she be my mom too, a little bit?

; )

Dr Zibbs said...

The Amish are not to be trusted. Heed my warning.