Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Letters from SJ

Dear Winter,

I love you more than most seasons. I do - you're so cool and you come with Christmas, hot cocoa and fireplaces -- which is awesome.

But what the @#% is with the static on my poor hair? Seriously? Just once I'd be able to wear my hair straight and down for more than 2 hours before having to secure it into a nerdly librarian bun. Just *once.*

Screw you and your dry air,
SJ

***
Dear Target,

I heart you and your fabulous bargains. But can we discuss your layout? Why do you have to be different in every freakin' store I visit? Why do you insist on hiding things from me? You know I want to buy that fabulous pair of striped tights, and yet? You only carry them in one of the four Targets that I pass on my way home.

Why?

Yours,
SJ

***
Dear Manufacturer of Low-Rise Tights,

WTF?

-SJ

11 comments:

SouthernBelle said...

sooo with you on the Target layout. WTH, Target?

I must beg to differ on the low rise tights, because I own one pair of tights and the bastards come up to just under my boobs. And I have a really long torso, so the flash between bottom-of-shirt and top-of-skirt is always a risk, and does NOT need to be augmented with flesh-colored nanna tights.

sj said...

but - sb - my problem is -- there's NO in between!

there's either bra tights, or fall down your arse tights. and nothing in between.

Dr Zibbs said...

You're good at this. Would you mind sending a letter to Kmart for me telling them that their employees creep me out? And that it smells funny.

FunnyGal KAT said...

Uh, you stopped at four Targets on your way home from work? Do you do that everyday because that might explain why it takes you so long to get home (perhaps you actually work 30 minutes from home, but the Target stops are making it stretch out to a 90-minute commute? Just a thought...)

sj said...

zibbs- you got it. next time i'm writing letters, i'll think of you and things that smell funny.

kat - no, not all on one day. but i have, intermittently stopped at various targets, and they all have a different layout. and they all carry different things. it boggles the mind. but honestly, i don't go more than 10 miles an hour for a good 20 miles, so i think you're wrong about my commute ;)

scargosun said...

LOW RISE TIGHTS?!

AYFKM?!

hautepocket said...

THANK YOU for pointing out the design flaw that is low rise tights. WTF indeed.

sj's mom said...

ok sj don't you know they are designed by a man on a mannaquin who does not move! Probably the same one who designed the under wires for bras!

Andy said...

Uh, why do they have low-rise tights? And why are there so many Targets in such a small area? Although Conn. does love it some Targets.

Srg said...

Ok - I must be living under a rock or something because I've never heard of low-rise tights! I love low-rise pants though, so I might have to give those a shot. Anything that's low enough to not get caught in my naval piercing is a good thing!

sj said...

andy - i can't explain. it's an odd phenomenon that recently developed. usually tights can be pulled up to your chest. these tights can make it half way up your hips.

and it happens to be that i work in one part of ct and then live in a part 60 miles away. so, in my meandering route, i happen to pass by - or pass very close to - four of our beloved targets.

stac - the pants make sense. they can stand on their own. but tights? tights, by their very nature will slide down and give you elephant ankles.