Random facts you could have lived without

Let’s see, I’ve told you about my grooming habits, how I got engaged,how it feels to have puke down the inside of my shirt… really, is there anything left to share?

Oh, but there is! And since I’m bored at work and have some random semi-posts rattling around in my head that I can’t seem to make an entire post out of, I’ve picked rightthissecond as the perfect time to share.

– I appreciated Molly’s suggestion to try dying my hair now that I’m noticing tons of grey in it. Actually, it made me giggle because I’ve actually been dying my hair since I was in the eighth grade. At first, it was because I preferred reddish highlights to my natural blond-ish ones, but now it’s serving an important purpose (making people not mistake me for SJ’s mom when we’re out together!) I really can’t blame anyone but myself for the grey because I’ve just been too lazy to cover it up.

– We visited a house under construction yesterday that belongs to friends of ours. It’s a gorgeous, huge home at which I am looking forward to plenty of parties. But I’m filing this under the “I’m officially old” category because my first thought when we walked in was, “Boy, am I glad I don’t have to clean this!”

– The Pretend Husband and I have an ongoing argument about farting in bed (I warned you about not needing to know this stuff!) He refuses to stop, so I’ve taken to launching my own attack, so to speak. But it seems kind of hypocritical so, when he gets angry, I’ve tried to argue that guys’ farts are terrible, but girls’ farts are actually unicorn kisses. This morning, I sang a whole song about unicorn kisses, but I don’t think he bought it.

– In my quest to lower my cholesterol and lose weight for the wedding, I’ve been eating tons of cereal, fruits and vegetables– foods that are all very high in fiber. Let’s just say there have been a lot of unicorns flying around blowing kisses in our house lately.

– I have so far failed in my quest to get the digits of a woman we met in the dog park (with the PH egging me on, no less). But I’m working on it. Before you get too enthralled with this, it’s because our dogs get along great. And she seems like a nice person. And perhaps she’s into threesomes too (just kidding about that one!) Anyway, it’s because our dogs get along and it would be nice to be able to call her up and see when she’ll be at the dog park because she’s also fun to talk to.

And I’m officially getting married in less than four months so why am I spending time sharing way too much information with strangers when I could be assembling invitations? Back to work, KAT!

just another friday night at my parent's house.

i had to do some work on Friday night and my internet connection has been bad since our phone lines got struck by lightening, so i decided to go down the street to visit with my mom and use their wireless connection.

at least i got work done until the kid came by.

and by kid i mean...


well not this one exactly, but one very similar. do you have any idea how loud baby goats are? let me tell you. they're freakin' loud. and where did a baby goat come from? (besides the obvious: when two goats who love each other get together...) it came from the farm down the street. because of course my dad knows a guy who has baby goats. my dad is the inspiration for all of those urban legends that start with: I know a guy who... because honestly, he really does.

so dad walks up the driveway with the goat, which he had picked up in his pickup truck ("dad, where did you put it?" dad: "on the seat next to me. it sat there."). at first, we thought my dad was dragging a child by its hair from the scream the goat was letting out. but no. it was just a baby goat a little scared to be temporarily dragged away from his sister when he was clearly winning the battle of ramming each other's heads against.. each other.

meanwhile, back at the ranch (as opposed to the farm down the street), my parents' dog is quite curious about the strange and noisy little thing. and my mom thought it'd be a good idea to let the goat run around.

do you have any idea how fast a baby goat is?

it's about as fast as it is loud.

after it jumps on a chair, a table, rams the window screen and manages to dump the 10 lb tin of dog food, my dad once again captures the goat. right around that time, when the goat is in my mother's lap, nestled against her bosom (dad: "look out, it may try to nurse.") is when anonymous walks in with baby e.

"DAD! NO." anonymous had been aware of the goat, as she had texted me earlier in the day: do u know about a goat. i hadn't. but by this time, i was equipped with a video camera.

some of the highlights included baby e offering the goat some bread... and promptly eating it himself. and then offering another bite to the goat (which by now had gained the name: "baaaaaaaaaaaaaaa"), and e chasing after the goat trying to grab its collar (dad learned his lesson after the first time), and not to mention the goat poops scattered all over the kitchen floor.

and this, folks, is why i have no need for cable.

It was bound to happen eventually...

It’s official. I’m an adult. How strange that realization came not when I voted for the first time, or when I graduated from college, or paid my own rent, or made the decision to move in with the Pretend Husband, or got engaged, or bought a house… nope, it took a call from my doctor telling me I have high cholesterol to do it.

You KNOW you’re old when you have to start worrying about things like high cholesterol and gray hair (but I’m in deep, deep denial about the gray so I won’t be talking about it, thank you very much). Yup, high cholesterol.

I’m not surprised about the test result because there’s a history of high cholesterol in my family so it was probably just a matter of time. But there is a sense of surprise about having to worry about it right now. I mean, it seems like it wasn’t all that long ago that I was getting my braces off, worrying about who I would go to the prom with and packing for college. Of course, if I’m being honest with myself, that was 12-15 years ago… 15 YEARS! I don’t feel old enough to be able to say, “I’ve been friends with her for 20 years” or “Remember our first grade teacher? That was, oh, 23 years ago.”

I’m not going to get all sappy and start talking about what I have or have not accomplished in those last 15 or so years. I’m pretty happy with where I am right now. But the whole “I’m an adult” thing is still sort of a shock. It means worrying about things like metabolism, cholesterol, fertility (although, not quite yet…) and yes, even gray hair. I’m just not sure I’m ready for that kind of responsibility.

A new tradition, perhaps... but next time with more beer

Ah, the Fourth of July… hot dogs and hamburgers on the grill, beer, laying out in the sun, fireworks. Those good ol’ activities that make America great. All of which were missing from our celebration yesterday, by the way.

It started with the menu. Although we had planned to grill the hot dogs and hamburgers, my dad showed up with a huge turkey and some pasta. Not exactly traditional Fourth of July fare, but it was delicious nonetheless.

Then the weather canceled out any other plans we had. Just as we had all claimed chairs on the deck, pulled open the bag of chips and started snuggling in for a long day in the sun… it began to rain. We uprooted ourselves, picked seats inside the cottage and broke out the cards. Still a really fun day.

Except for the lack of beer. And I’ll blame the weather for that one too. My allergies have been acting up lately so I chose Benadryl over a brewski.

But you know what? Despite all that, I’m not complaining. So we broke tradition with some food meant for other holidays. So I traded alcohol for clear sinuses. So we had to admire the color of the playing cards rather than whatever pictures fireworks painted across the sky. It was a day off from work and I will never complain about that.

the dog ate my shower invitation.

well not really.

but i was kind of wishing it had for a while. or shall i say whishing. oh where do i begin...

first i'll explain my typo. i was waxing nostalgic on Sunday and decided to crack open the guest book from our wedding. i like to read these messages from time to time because it reminds me of that fateful day - i mean, that beautiful day that was our wedding day.

it's filled with lovely things like "may each day be happier than the one before" and other such sayings. and one says that the couple "whishes us a lifetime of happiness." j thinks they meant to write something else and didn't want to scribble. i have less faith in people's ability to spell.

but the shower.. well. it's never a good sign when you pull into the shower parking lot and the bride is one of the first persons you see and she gives you a quizzical look that either says: a) i have no idea who you are (which wouldn't be good for me, seeing as the bride and mother of the groom were the only two i knew until KAT got there or b) what is she doing here? i didn't think we invited her.

so for the first 20 minutes or so i sat alone at a table in the back. i made some friendly eye contact, but was promptly shunned (they literally looked me up and down and turned away). thank god it turned around soon. the bride came by with some other friends of the groom, and soon after that KAT arrived, whereupon we spent the better part of the shower mocking shower games, much to the dismay of the (much younger) bridesmaids.

shower games are fun and all, but for those of us that don't know the bride (in fact, it was apparently so obvious how little i knew the bride that i was skipped over when they handed out the "how well do you know the bride" quiz), they're not so much fun as time hurdle before she can open the gifts and therefore, you can go home.