The Pre-Dating Interview: What They Don't Ask on e-Harmony

First off, thank you for the valuable input in the Exit Interview research. We had some notable additions in the comments for new questions that were all *fantabulous* - and one such comment by my friends Robyne and Pat led me to thinking: what would a pre-interview questionnaire look like for the non- online dating crowd. How would it work?

Would it be like an evite kind of thing that you'd send before going on your next date? Would you make them submit to filling it out shortly after you've met, prior to a possible next meeting?

Before I begin, however, let me just go on the record now to say if anything ever happens to my husband (like he comes to his senses and leaves me, is trampled by rabid Twilight fans or runs away with Dita Von Teese), I will remain single for the rest of my days, but will have lots of bunnies. (No, Pat. Not that many bunnies.)

So this is what I've come up with for my pre-qualification survey. I also think that, depending on the answers, you should anticipate different levels of dateyness. Like - a 75 percent would be coffee... 85 percent would be drinks... 95 percent? dinner! it's like rewarding your compatibility.

Side Note: Do people go on dinner dates anymore? (How have I suddenly turned into a 60 year old woman??)

So back to it. Here's my pre-dating survey. Please weigh in on the comments - because I so enjoy the comments.

The Before Survey

Thank you for taking the time to fill out this survey. But frankly, I think it'll save time for both of us, no?

Question 1. We've hit it off initially, it seems. There was laughter, a meeting of the minds, you seem witty and charming and I can see myself leaning into you before the night ends. So tell me - when will you call me?

a) Two days, ma'am. That is the rule set forth by the great Vince Vaughn.
b) As soon as it seems feasible that you've slept in adequately but haven't yet made plans for the next day so that I may pencil in some hang time in the afternoon.
c) I've already texted you funny thoughts that occurred to me.
d) I was going to call you when I got home. Is 2 a.m. too late?
e) When I want to hang out next... maybe Thursday? Maybe next week?

Question 2. What would your ideal plan be for the next date?

a) I don't know. Whatever. Maybe hang out. Maybe catch a flick. Whatevs.
b) I'd love to take you this great little tapas place and maybe catch some music afterward, grab a drink... go for a stroll around WH Center.
c) Have you ever been kite flying at the beach? We'll pack a picnic.
d) My mom makes an awesome chicken parm. You've gotta come by.
e) Let me check with my wife.

Question 3. When is the appropriate time to make your first move?

a) Me? Oh no. It's all on you.
b) I realize it's a family restaurant, but what the heck...
c) Third date? Fourth date?
d) When I walk you to your car and I make you laugh really loudly. I'll be so smooth you'll barely realize the awkwardness that inevitably comes with the first kiss.
e) On our wedding day.

Question 4. What is appropriate dinner conversation should you ever have to meet my parents?

a) Your conception. I'm fascinated by how you were created.
b) Oh, you know. The usual. Religion, politics, the economy, labor unions.
c) Their recent home renovation. Although it happened sometime in the 90s.
d) My ex-girlfriend's parents.
e) Whoa, Nelly. I don't meet parents.

Question 5. My BFF just broke up with her boyfriend...

a) He's an ass. He never deserved her.
b) Would you like me to pick up the Ben and Jerry's before we head over?
c) That sucks. I have tickets to U2 and will meet you at the concert. Don't be late, ok?
d) I'm sorry to hear it. Let me know if you want to meet for a post chick flick drink.
e) The hot one?


OK. This is harder than I thought. I need some help. Please provide audience participation....