Wednesday, September 24, 2008

The cover letter I wish I could send

Dear HR lady,

C'mon, you know you want to hire me! I mean, you're probably sitting in front of your computer all day getting resumes from college graduates looking to break into the business and-- oops, they don't actually have the years of experience the job requires-- but they did get an "A" in Freshman Comp and oh yeah, they wrote for their college paper for two whole semesters after they realized they were going to be applying for journalism jobs without ever actually having written something for any kind of publication. (And yes, I realize that was one long sentence-- see! I'm a professional!-- but it's necessary for the tone I was trying to convey...)

See? I offer so much more than that. I have actual experience and, perhaps even more importantly, I really need a job. I won't bore you with the details, but it entails a combination of a new, bigger mortgage and a slight lack of employment.

And really, as long as your job includes some kind of writing or talking or publishing, I know I can handle it. I do all three of those things on a fairly regular basis and I know I can step up and succeed at any job that entails those things.

I'm available immediately, although I would enjoy a day or two off to enjoy not working since all my time this far has been filled with job searching and house renovating, but hey! I'm not picky! I'll start later today if you want.

Just please give me a job. Please? And OK, I am not above begging.... pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease!

And my, that's a beautiful outfit you have on today. Love and kisses, FunnyGal KAT


- C - said...

Just send her a link to your blog. Once she knows how charming you are I am sure you will get the job!

sj said...

you had me at the line "i was trying to convey."

i'd hire you in a new york minute, my friend.

(but we can't work at the same place, because our stories to blog about would be too repetitive.)

SouthernBelle said...

Ugh, job search is not fun. Good luck! I think you're a good writer (and since the universe revolves around moi, it can't be long 'til you get a new job)!

I am an experienced graphic designer living in a town with a private art college, so I feel you on competing with inexperienced students - the job market here is flooded with kids after the exact type of job I do.

I was once a grad looking for that first break too, so I have SOME sympathy for them. But I also know why I should be hired instead of them, not least because I've worked with a few of them!

Srg said...

It's funny but your cover letter conveys more truth about needing a job than the usual BS that people put in their cover letters. I think the whole cover letter thing is a joke. You spend hours putting a resume together just to sum it up in sentences for the cover letter. So if they don't like the letter, they won't even bother to read your resume. I hate those things!

Molly said...

I would hire you in a second, but you would have to make and serve me martinis at my request. Maybe you could put that in your resume?

hautepocket said...

I see absolutely no reason why you wouldn't be hired with that cover letter!

jal12771 said...

I agree with srg....esp since we have prop both dealt with the same large company and hiring. UGH. Today I am sitting in on interviews for a posting we had...I have not done this in YEARS..its kinda of neat..but so far... spare me the family drama and life drama and just tell me what you know... UGH.. SJ I so understand what you were going thru a few weeks ago!!!