C'mon in and make yourself comfortable, SJ... you're going to be here for awhile

Hi SJ, welcome to 31! I got here a few months ago myself, so I’m happy to show you around. Over here is the coffee station—no, don’t protest too quickly now. You might not think you’re going to need it, but it gets harder and harder to get yourself going at our age and someday you might need it just to figure out how to start your car in the morning (uh, or so I’ve heard). And right next to the coffee are plenty of comfortable beds because believe me when I tell you that you’re going to need your sleep to deal with what the thirties have in store for you!

Now, you may have noticed on your way in that 31 is separated from the twenties—it’s a long walk, isn’t it? It’s appropriate, I think, because 31 is pretty removed from, say, 26. You’re now firmly in your thirties, not just teetering somewhere in between at 30.

I’m not going to say you can never go back because every once in a while you might be in the mood for a crazy night out with the girls or some harmless flirting with a cute guy in the elevator or some outfit or hairdo not appropriate for the thirties. In that case, just slip through that door marked “Your Youth” or the one with the sign that says “The Good Ol’ Days (Didn’t Know You Were Old Enough To Have Them, Did You?)” But know that your time over there in the twenties is limited and eventually you must return to 31.

It’s not so bad. Sometimes it gets a little loud in here—what with all the popping of the joints, the moaning in pain when someone pulls a muscle and that annoying tick of the biological clocks. But, overall, 31 is not a bad place to be (at least it’s much quieter than 36, where they have all those noisy kids running around!)

Some other changes you may notice are a few more “laugh lines” (translation: “wrinkles”) and some “slow metabolism” (translation: “Fatty McTooMuchCake”). Oh, and the extra gray hairs (face it, there’s no nice euphemism to use for that one!)

I hope I haven’t scared you too much and you’re willing to stay here with me at 31. There’s fun to be had. For one thing, I finally feel like a grown-up here and sometimes—just sometimes—I get a little more respect than I did at 25. My opinions seem to count much more here, like having gone through 21, 24, 29 and 30 gave me some experience or something.

And, if it begins to weigh on you that you’ve made it this far, feel free to stare over there at that 32 in the corner and smile, knowing that I’ll be headed there first.

Happy Birthday, SJ!