How to Shop on Black Friday

Holy crap.

That's how I'd sum it up. I had never been shopping on Black Friday (unless you count popping into Kohls at 12:30 last year and avoiding every line but also missing some key items). So I was unprepared for the THRONGS of (evil) people.

But I did learn my lesson, and have decided to share these valuable tips with you, our dear readers.

1) Dress in layers. When you have to stand outside a target at 5:30 in the morning, you'll be glad you had that extra layer. You'll also want to shed them when you have to stand in line for over an hour to get that 50 percent off something or another because the people in front of you have to argue every item they've purchased (i.e. "that was supposed to be $7.99, not $8.50.")

2) Listen to other people's conversations. It'll give you an idea of whether or not you should even try to get near the display of Xbox 360s or if you should make a b-line to the playdoh as soon as you get in. It may also scare you and make you question their sanity, but it's also sometimes good for a laugh.

3) Do not bring a carriage into the toy aisle at Target. You won't be able to move anyway, and you'll just make other people angry for blocking their way. And your carriage will stay empty because you will not be nimble enough to get to the Giggle 'n Go Elmo thing that talks and is loved by all 3-year olds.

4) Bring a friend. In my case, it was my husband. The only way to get the $5 playdoh AND the thomas the train toys is to divide and conquer. But make sure you both have cell phones. You'll never find each other unless you designate a safe spot - like in the home bedding department. We used our phones standing 30 feet apart.


5) If you can, memorize the store layout enough to be able to make a quick grab and head towards the registers before the store has been open for 15 minutes. Also, don't browse. You'll be left for dead and eaten by the hordes that have no qualms about running over your body with their (still empty) carts.

If you follow these rules, you'll make it out alive. Or at least, perhaps minorly injured with about half to two-thirds of the items on your list (that you were wise enough to write out the day before while reading the flyers, carefully notating which store had which item and for how much.)