Boozing it up with the Pretend In-laws

Go ahead, tell me how lucky I am. In fact, don’t bother. I know that not everyone gets to have the type of in-laws I’m about to have. The kind who love Molly to death, will drop what they’re doing to let her out when we’re stuck at work, who bring us silly gifts when they go on vacation (the PH has been sporting an air-brushed T-shirt proclaiming him “Molly’s Dad”), who I genuinely enjoy being around… oh yeah, and with whom I can get drunk to celebrate birthdays.

I shouldn’t say “drunk” since I was driving. But let’s just say I had a moment of “oh crap, I can totally feel this drink, I’d better eat a lot to soak up the alcohol so I’m sober enough to drive us all home.” I didn’t want to have to make the choice between asking the Pretend Father-in-Law to drive (he has some medical issues and would definitely be the last choice in the bunch) or getting pulled over and having to go through the field sobriety test while my in-laws looked on from the back seat.

Perhaps I should back up a bit. Two weeks ago, we took the Pretend Father-in-Law out for his birthday. We went to a Chinese restaurant, had some food and went home. Well, Pretend Mother-in-Law’s birthday was this week and she wanted to go back to the same restaurant. But this time we thought we’d order drinks too. The PMIL got a Scorpion Bowl for one while the Pretend Husband and I decided to split a Volcano for Two (yeah, the one with flaming alcohol in the middle). I had about three sips and started to feel it. I had about three more sips and spent the rest of the meal trying to sober up.

So the PMIL helped the PH with the rest of his very large drink. And that’s where things got fun. She can be a bit ditzy when she’s sober so you can imagine the questions she asks when she’s been drinking. One of the best parts of the evening was when a woman at a nearby table said, “I need a manicure” and the PMIL said to us (as though we were the ones who said it) “I could use a manicure too. I want to get a French manicure before the wedding.”

But the highlight of the evening was when she looked over at the PFIL and said, “You need a haircut. Do you want me to cut your hair when we get home?”

Oh man, I would have paid good money if she had! Anyone else have a mother-in-law capable of sending water out your nose while you’re trying to drink?