Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Almost married... but not dead!

I've heard guys tell other guys to wear their wedding bands because it will attract "the chicks." Who knew there was such a market for unavailable men? (What's that? You're only here for the sex and then I'll never hear from you again because you have to get home to your wife and kids and your wife has a long list of chores for you so you'll be tied up for the next couple weekends? Oooh, do me, baby!) In any case, I am unwittingly testing the theory that wedding rings attract the dudes too. So far, it's worked on one out of the dozens of men I've met since the Pretend Husband put this diamond on my finger, but it makes me feel like I'm not some frumpy married woman who will never get checked out again.

I met a new co-worker last week. We had a chat about who knows what, all while I was holding a soda can down by my side in my left hand. (I wasn't flashing the bling or anything.) At the end of the conversation, he said, "so when's the big day?" and when I looked a little confused, he gestured at my hand and said, "it's hard to miss." It's hard to miss! Yup, like I'm toting around some huge rock that blinds people when it catches the light. I don't think it's that so much as-- as my friends pointed out-- he checked out my hand in order to figure out my status.

This week, he came into the room and started sniffing. I tried to smell what he smelled, figuring something was burning, but my sinuses were all clogged up. Then he said, "What are you wearing? What perfume is that?" When I told him, he said, "It smells good" and walked out.

Oh yeah, I've still got it!


Molly said...

Just because you ordered your dinner doesn't mean to say you still can't look at the menu, as my friend would say!

Better watch out, I think someone fancies you!

Craig said...

56-year old woman says you're attractive and you assume she's a lesbian. 20-something guy says you smell nice and you assume he's straight? :-)

sj said...


i heard this story the other night when we *finally* got together. and that is an interesting take, craig. i hadn't thought that. i was one of those that said that he was hitting on her.

it's not often a man notices my rings (he's usually too busy being blinded by my ferocious wit and the glare from my sunburned nose), but when he does look, i assume i know why. and it has nothing to do with "just wondering about the cut and clarity of diamonds...what is that, a carat? one and a half?" as i was once asked.

my bet is he was hoping you'd say it wasn't an engagement ring.