Don't hate me because I'm beautiful...

I think I’m finally over the trauma that was getting my hair and make-up “done” for Lil Sis' wedding last weekend enough to talk about it (that, and perhaps I went out to dinner last night with two very fun couples and tested the story out on them– getting the timing and jokes just right– before putting it out on the Internet. You never know.)

Anyway, it all started when we walked into the salon and Lil Sis was greeted by the owner, ushered to a chair, fawned over by all the employees about how it was her special daaaaay and generally pampered. My stylist came over, looked me over with a critical eye and said, “You’re here for a trim?” “Um no, I’m here for an updo.” She proceeded to tell me my hair was too short for an updo but she’d see what she could do. She also asked me when I last had my hair cut in a snooty manner and kept sighing while trying to get my hair to stay up (it’s not that short). Oh, and my favorite comment was, “I love to do updos. I just start and see what happens. You never know how it’s going to come out.” Because that boded well for how I was going to look for all eternity in my sis’ wedding photos!

It was by far the most painful hairstyling experience I’ve ever had… literally. I don’t think the stylist was pinning up my hair as much as she was jabbing the pins into my scalp to hold the hair up. I kept wincing and at one point had tears in my eyes from the pain of it all. She either didn’t notice or didn’t care. The kicker was when she couldn’t get a couple of hairs along my neck to stay in the updo, so she cut them off! In any case, she finished up and the experience was pretty much forgotten after a few minutes with the make-up “artist.”

The make-up artist who was wearing blue eye shadow up to her eyebrows and bright pink lipstick. The artist who smeared bright red lipstick way past my lip line and only cut it back after I pointed out how ridiculous it looked. The same one who wiped it off but– oops!– it had stained my skin a bright pink color. So she added a purple line at the edge of my lips. Picture bright red lips, lined in purple with a not-so-faint pink line surrounding it all. I looked like a clown.

After practically begging her to add some foundation around my mouth, we made our escape (but not before dropping almost $100 for the privilege of being worked on by the “stylist” and the “artist.”) The Pretend Husband’s eyebrows shot up into his hairline when he saw me. I give him a lot of credit because his only comment was, “That’s a very red lipstick.” (I think it was followed by, “Are you going to take some of that off?”)

So I scrubbed off the red, purple and pink and added a more subtle pink to cover the stains. Lil Sis covered up some of purple lipstick they had covered her mouth with. And, judging by the photos I’ve seen so far, the overall effect wasn’t half bad. But I’m seriously considering doing my own hair and make-up for my wedding. It’s sure to be a lot less painful for everyone.