Bridal H-E-Double Hockey Sticks

I’m not a girly girl. I like things simple. I am apparently a pretty shocking bride-to-be because of my lack of a desire for a shower (“but then you won’t get stuff!”) or a “real” bridal gown. I’m more focused on the fact that I get to marry the Pretend Husband than I am on the party to celebrate our marriage.

Which is why it’s kind of funny that I spent so much time at a bridal fair yesterday. I’ve been trying to figure out how I feel about spending a couple of hours bumping into a thousand other brides-to-be and their mothers and their sisters and their best friends. It wasn’t the most miserable thing I’ve ever done, but it wasn’t the most fun either (that may have been playing Laser Tag the night before to celebrate a friend’s 30th birthday). I’ve vowed never to do it again (the bridal show, not the Laser Tag).

People are crazy. I was all, “Hmmm, let’s walk around, maybe enter some raffles, pick up some brochures and perhaps try some cake.” The other 800 brides-to-be were all, “Ohmygod, I can’t believe I’m getting maaaaaarrrrrried and I made special address labels so I can enter every raffle faster and where’s my best friend, her job as maid of honor is to serve me, and I have to have those cute bride and groom teddy bears and let’s crowd around every booth and collect as much free stuff as we can.” And the moms of the brides-to-be were all, “My little girl is the most important one in the room and I’m going to use my humungous purse as a weapon if that’s what’s needed to get her and all eight of her bridesmaids into the booth they want to visit.”

I’m bruised from the experience, people. In fact, I got more beat up at the bridal fair than I did in my soccer game last night. Brides are ka-ray-zee.

On a positive note, the PH and his friend wheeled and dealed with the tux companies and got some great deal that gets them a huge percentage off the tuxes they will rent to be in each other’s weddings. And we got some great ideas for a honeymoon destination.

After that experience, I’m all the more determined to be the blog-writing, soccer-playing funny gal who happens to be planning a wedding instead of the crazy, demanding, fast-talking bride to be who can’t wait to be the princess for a day who gets to order her friends to do stuff for her and be the center of attention and oh, that’s right, marry her fiancé too. I just don’t look that good in a tiara.