Thursday, September 21, 2006

Adventures in dating

A writer at another blog I read wrote about some of her dating experiences and the deal breakers some of those dates brought to the table. It got me thinking about my varied dating past (winners, losers, older, younger, foreign, American-born, football watchers, soccer players, etc.) There was the guy whose girlfriend called me to ask about the date (never a good sign that things are headed for eternal bliss). So I gave him the boot a couple of weeks later. (Did I get you? C’mon! I was never that desperate! I never spoke with him again, of course.)
There was the guy who kept rearranging his silverware so it was all perfectly lined up (hello? Diagnosed with Obsession Compulsive Disorder much?) The best line was probably from a guy responded to my saying, “I don’t want a one-night stand” with “I’m hoping this won’t be.” (Yep, never heard from him again!)
One guy told me the story of how his date went to the bathroom and never came back. I thought that was such a cruel thing to do to a person… until I had sat through an hour of the dude’s lame stories and was plotting my own escape… or death… or whatever it took to get the hell out of the restaurant.
There was the gentleman who (freaked out to discover I was taller than him when I stood up from the table, I think), led me to the parking lot at a slow jog. Did I mention I had a sprained ankle and was in an air cast at the time?
There was the guy I dated in college– a “devout” Mormon– with whom make-out sessions included his hand on the back of my head trying to nudge my face… well, you get the picture. Note to men: grabbing the backs of our heads and trying to push us into your crotch is not sexy… not attractive… and not OK!
Ahh, the single days. Don’t miss ‘em a bit! The only positive thing I can say about them is they gave me enough dating stories to write a book… which I am currently working on (on pace to set a record for the longest time ever to write a book). As for red flags, I guess I found them on a case-by-case basis. I tried having that list of attributes a guy had to have for me to even consider going out with him. My three standards were: he must be taller than me, he must be older than me and he must make me laugh.
The Pretend Husband… well, he makes me laugh hysterically and often. So much for that list.


sj said...

My one regret of our friendship is that we weren't friends longer so that you could have lived through my tumultuous dating stories. I've had some strange dates, including one where the guy literally kept staring at me the entire time, and there was a 5 second delay on his answers. and there's also rigid lip lock jaw kissing man... that didn't last long, but i stayed in it for the weekly flower delivery to my workplace (that was pretty sweet.)

Kristin said...

Ewww... the high school date where the guy was stoned and ate all my brother's Halloween candy... the short dude with LIFTS in his shoes... the married guy (I didn't know) the guy whose boss hit on me... man, I could write a book.

Or a blog post. ;-)

Thanks for visiting my blog and leading me back to yours... I love it!