"Orange" You Sad You Missed This Wedding?!?

You know how every wedding has those silly little things happen that may not seem funny at the time, but are sure to bring lots of laughter in the years to come? Despite my friend MM being the most organized person I know– planning her wedding down to the coordinating blue ribbons on the bridesmaid gifts– even hers could not escape those silly happenings. And I figure, why wait to laugh? Here are some of the highlights from the MM marries MP nuptials…
*Bridesmaid Lynne’s strong resemblance to an Oompa Loompa (those little orange men in “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory”). Although I was happy to live with the tan lines on my shoulders in the wedding photos, Lynne looked like she was wearing a white short-sleeved shirt over her tan arms. Her plan was to test self-tanner on her feet the night before the wedding and then spray it on her shoulders in time to look stunning in the strapless bridesmaid dress. Not fully reading the directions, Lynne shot off a couple of squirts of self-tanner at her feet and waited for them to turn a deep, rich tan color. When it didn’t happen in two or three minutes, she continued to spray her feet at a close range. It was then that she read the can and found it would take two to three HOURS for the tan to appear. The rehearsal dinner was spent making periodic checks on Lynne’s feet and watching them turn orange (with dark orange drips as garnish). Luckily, she erred on the side of caution when later using the stuff on her shoulders.
*The father of the bride, ignoring the wishes of his wife and daughter, spent the day before the wedding working in the yard… and collecting gnat bites on his forehead. They faded in time for the wedding, but if they hadn’t, Lynne planned a surprise attack on Mr. M’s forehead with the self-tanner.
*The wedding coordinator at the church confused the groom, MP, with the best man, Mike. And the two men let her go on for a bit before asking any questions.
Coordinator: You two will stand here. MP, when the maid of honor arrives at the altar, you’re going to escort her to this chair and sit next to her.
Two Guys: OK.
Coordinator: And Mike, you’re going to wait here for the bride and her father.
Two Guys: OK.
Coordinator: Mike, you shake the father’s hand and greet the bride.
Two Guys: Sounds good.
Coordinator: You can even give her a little kiss on the cheek if you want.
Two Guys: Um, OK.
Coordinator: Then Mike, you escort the bride to this seat over here and sit next to her.
MP: Wait, I’M the groom. Shouldn’t I sit next to her?
*The mean male manicurist who worked on me and one of the other bridesmaids. He told me my thumbs would look silly if I didn’t have tips put on them and yelled at her for having short nails. (Um, buddy? You work for tips! Zip it!)
*The make-up artist who would NOT STOP TALKING. She made us all an hour late to get the bride home to change, giving us 10 minutes to throw on our dresses and shoes before the photographer arrived. I spent a half hour not responding to her while she did my make-up and still learned:
1. Her parents corrected her grammar all the time while she was growing up, making her nervous about word usage.
2. She woke up late and hadn’t eaten anything yet. If I heard gurgling, it was probably her stomach.
3. Her eyes water a lot.
4. Her nose piercing really, really itched and that’s why she kept making weird faces.
5. She really likes to eat.
6. Tons of other facts about herself that I had no interest in.
While the weekend didn’t go off without a hitch, in the end, they did get hitched. MM and MP were married in a beautiful ceremony (making them both MP– I have no idea how to identify them in future stories!) Congrats to the happy couple! (And for the rest of you, I’ll sell funny photos of Lynne’s feet for the low, low price of $5– email me for details.)