Are you serious?!?

I thought I had reached my limit of dealing with dumb people by spending five years on the court beat for a newspaper. But apparently the dumb asses of the world aren’t through with me yet. I don’t know if a long-lost relative left me their share in their will or something, but they must have left some pretty explicit instructions about how to find me because not one of the idiots seems to have passed me by (unless I mean on the highway because I can be doing 135 in the left lane and still have someone riding my bumper trying to get by!)
You know that comedian who proposes giving people a sign when they do or say something stupid? I’m all for that… but my sign would be a little less polite and would definitely be delivered along with a swift beating.
As hard as I’ve looked, I cannot find the sign on my car that begs people to pull out in front of me (it must be a fairly large sign, though, because it apparently requests that they do it only when I’m late for something and the road is slick). I’m kidding of course-- you obviously can’t see a sign on my car… nor can you apparently see my car at all. I know I drive fast, but I really don’t think I’ve discovered a way to defy all laws of physics and render both myself and my vehicle invisible.
One of my favorite idiots works in a local pizza shop. She’s a nice enough person, I suppose, but let’s just say it has never crossed my mind to wonder why she’s a grown woman working as a waitress. I went to pick up lunch for my coworkers a few weeks ago and was waited on by said waitress. She got the boxes containing lunch from the cook, placed them on the counter in front of me and then asked me, “What’s in here?”
Hmmm, let’s see… I may drive fast, but I’m not so fast myself that I could break the tape on the boxes, open them all up, memorize the contents and put everything back together without you seeing me do it, honey! I had this really funny comeback about my x-ray glasses being in the shop… but of course, I thought of it about three hours after the actual event.
Anyway, everyone is entitled to a dumb moment or two (I for one have fallen off my chair at work more times than I would care to admit…) but save some for the rest of us! On second thought, keep it coming… it will give me something for my next entry.
-KAT