Monday, March 17, 2008

Airing my grievances

I think it's been mentioned that the Pretend Husband is an attorney (yeah, I know... but I still like him). Many attorneys have big egos, big chips in their shoulders and big problems when they don't get their way. I wouldn't say the PH is like that, but he will stand up for himself and his clients when he needs to. The man comes home with stories about getting screamed at, thrown out of offices and threatened.

Attorneys have this thing called "grievances." It's basically the complaint department of the law profession. I think there's a committee that hears grievances and I'm sure the committee must stay pretty busy because attorneys are forever threatening to grieve someone if they don't get their way.

This morning, the PH was telling me yet another story of yet another attorney who-- surprise, surprise-- threatened to grieve when he didn't get his way (his way, by the way, was illegal and unethical, but those are just details...) While the PH was telling me about the attorney, I began thinking of the things I'd like to grieve him for. Didn't do the dishes like you said you would... I'm going to grieve you! Still haven't put the bannister back up.... grievance! Your turn to take the dogs out and you're whining... oh, grievance committee!

While I'm at it, I'd like to grieve Casey for chewing on my good black shoes. And, Molly, you know you have a grievance coming your way for pooping in the house the other day. Also, Casey and Molly said they want to grieve the PH and I for serving the same thing to them for every single meal. Casey wants to file a grievance for the odor that wafts out of the bathroom when the PH is in there. And Molly is none too happy about having to spend every weekday locked up in the same rooms as Casey, but she hasn't decided which parent is responsible for that decision yet (that's OK, grieve them both!)

I told the PH not to be surprised if he arrives home tonight to find his own little grievance committee waiting for him. I said he'll know that's what's happening when he walks in tonight to find me and the dogs dressed in long black robes. Now, if I can just find some white powdered wigs in their sizes…

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