Monday, August 20, 2007

ma'am'd. dammit.

i was ma'amed this weekend. twice in fact. the first time i was buying alcohol, so that was a little depressing. granted, it could have been my "do you have any roses blended from pinot noir?" question that tipped them off that i may be over 21. it also could have been the fine lines and wrinkles appearing around my eyes.

which brings me to my second ma'aming, which led to a mighty internal dialogue diatribe.

i was at sephora, buying a foundation in aligihter shade than what came with my little kit. i recently switched over to bare essentials make up. i'm probably spelling that wrong, but you know the one. it's mineral make up. i have very sensitive skin and someone recommended it to me, so i thought i'd brave the mall to get some. they only sell it - to my knowledge - at sephora, which is a store that absolutely intimidates me since the only make i wear is usually lipstick and mascara (and usually a very light foundation). i had gone last week and bought the starter kit.

i've been using it all week, delighted with it, but thought that as the very little summer color that i have starts to fade, i should get a lighter foundation.

last week when i had gone for the makeup, i was accosted by a helpful but scary sephora worker of amazonian proportions, who admired my "porcelein quality" and "minimal signs of aging." i was affronted that she should even mention the word aging. she took my face with her huge mitts and examined me carefully under very scary lighting and a very scary magnifying mirror.

so i walk into sephora for the second time in a week. pony tail. mineral make up, looking very au natural. jeans, long sleeve tee shirt, etc. i make my way over to the kiosk selling my make up and it is wall to wall with 20 year old models. crap. i really wanted to check out the eye liner shadow, and maybe the concealer to hide my freckles (or, apparently, age spots), etc. but there was no way i was breaking through the brick wall of seven jeans, fake tans and babydoll tops.

i waited for a hole, and then delicately reached an arm in with a quick "excuse me." thankfully, my hand reached through correctly and snagged a "fair" jar of foundation. i made a b-line for the counter. and that's where it happened:

"did you find everything you wanted, ma'am?"

mentally, i lost it. my initial internal dialogue was to react with:
"ma'am? really? look, child, with blue eyeliner and bee-stung lips that make you look like you're allergic to whatever you're wearing, i am NOT a ma'am. you don't see my purchasing the lancome anti-aging whatever, do you? no. you do not. you see me purchasing the same makeup that the 18 year old teeny boppers are wearing. what about me makes me a ma'am?"

instead, i smiled and said that was it. i figured if i complained about the hordes of teens at the counter blocking my way to the goods made me sound even older.

and then i went home and made cupcakes. the end. and i also slathered on some moisturizer with age-defying vitamin c.


FunnyGal KAT said...

AND you got ma'amed this weekend in Mystic! Hee hee! (I'm only laughing because I didn't, but it happens to me way too frequently as it is, so I probably shouldn't laugh too hard. Payback being a witch and all...)

I realized the other day that my parents, who seemed sooooo old when I was a kid? Yup, they were about the age I am now. Ugh.

Molly said...

At least someone didn't once ask you if you were your own child's grandmother. That was a kick in the crotch, let me tell you!

I use that Bare Essentials and love it and actually got my sister on to it while she was here. I forced her (under extreme protest) to let me do her make up and she loved it and two days later rushed off to Sephora to buy the starter kit! Her skin has actually improved from using it and now I would never use anything else.

sj said...

molly, i do have now three shades of foundation so that i can pretend to be a professional make up artist at random. i'm as pale as the legs of an 80 year old connecticut man golfing in florida at the start of the season, but some times, i do get a wee bit of color. and it is fun to play with.

kat, the next girls night may require some fashion mags with quizzes and hair and makeup makeovers.

Lisa said...

Cupcakes make everything better. Hope it made up for getting "ma-am'ed".

Molly said...

SJ, I do not believe for one minute that you are as pale as my sister. She is so pale, her skin actually looks blue at time and has been known to blind people when she uncovers at the beach!

sj said...

lisa- you are my kind of girl. ice cream and cupcakes - hurrah!

molly, it's pretty bad. and i have dark brown-blackish hair. i have been called snow white. actually, i was referred to as a "dirty snow white". i'm not sure if that's referring to my weak moral fiber, or my coloring.