Friday, October 06, 2006

They were out of milk, but I stocked up on EPTs

Having run into the grocerey store for a couple of items to complete our dinner last night (actually, we needed every item in the recipe, but SJ is the Martha Stewart Jr. who always has a stocked pantry and I want to pretend I at least had the can of corn we needed), I felt justified in using that self-checkout all the stores have now. You know, the one where you can stand at one end, scanning items and pretending you’re a cashier because your high school jobs consisted only of being a soccer referee and a waitress at a country club. And you can giggle to yourself as a lawyer stands at the other end bagging up your groceries (or it that just me?)

It’s a fun option when you have someone with you (I’m thinking of having kids just to have someone to bag for me while I scan…) but can get pretty harried when you’re alone. I scanned my six or so items, paid by credit card, then played the game where you run to the end of the belt (snatching your receipt along the way) and try to bag everything faster than the time it takes the person behind you to pull out and scan their store card and then start scanning their items.

Well, I lost that game last night. As I was frantically grabbing the boxes of Lean Pockets, the chicken breasts, the stuffing and the corn, I suddenly found myself reaching for… a pregnancy test?!? Obviously I don’t need one of those since the PH and I are waiting for marriage. Um, or because we use multiple forms of birth control (including living together long enough that sex is no longer done on a daily basis… or even a weekly basis… or even… oh, nevermind, it’s too depressing).

Anyway, I was frantically trying to finish bagging my order, but couldn’t resist glancing at the person behind me to see who was buying a pregnancy test in the grocery store. And there stood two guys with their bling and their pants hanging low enough to show off their boxers and worried expressions on their faces. I couldn’t figure out which one might be pregnant, but I laughed to myself as I left the store and pictured what the PH’s face might look like if I had accidentally grabbed the pregnancy test and brought it home with the groceries.

6 comments:

sj said...

when i read the title of this post, i was instantly alarmed, as i'm sure you could imagine.

i was also thinking - how could she not call me? i called her that time that i -- oh. nevermind. that's another story all together.

Molly said...

At least I am not the only one who pretends to be a cashier at the self scanners!

I have a similar birth control method to you, except for mine is 100% foolproof. It is called "no boyfriend"!!! Works like a charm!

Kristin said...

The self scanners only live at the Home Depot in this part of the uncivilized world, and, quite frankly, I am a little more than bitter because it sounds as though I am missing out.

zam said...

What is the jailtime for when the belt auto-returns, but does not re-ring, the item? I use this malfunction as an assumption that magazines and tall bottles that fall over and roll (oopsie) are free.

Also, at Stop & Shop the scanners talk loudly and pause..."Please place your [pause] bok choy [pause] on the belt." I like to use that one-syllable pause to insert an f-bomb when the people in front of me are slow.

I'm 12 years old.

stac said...

Well at least it was pregnancy test that those 2 guys had and not an ovulation predictor test. Now THAT would have been kinda freaky!

Anonymous said...

You have self scanners at HOME DEPOT?? I am SOO Jealous