My history as a Halloweenie

Noticing that today is Friday the 13th (ooh, spooky!) and feeling the chill in the air has gotten me to start thinking about what kind of costume to put together for the big event on Oct. 31.

Honestly, I’m not that big into the “holiday,” but being friends with SJ for so long has made me think about these things in advance. I’ve learned I can’t just throw on a wife beater shirt, some jeans and a leather jacket… and stand a chance against the Glinda the Good Witch/Tooth Fairy ensemble that includes glitter in some very… um, prominent places. In fact, my best costumes were inspired (or actually even put together) by the Queen of Costumes herself (that’s SJ for those of you without access to the dialogue in my head that made that connection).

One year, she helped me put together a “slutty Catholic schoolgirl” costume (my only excuse is that we were young…) that was a big hit in our office and at the police department (young enough to dress up, but too old for trick or treating meant we had to make our own fun that year). I think she was a St. Pauli Girl and let’s just say neither of us left much to the imagination (inner dialogue clarifies: “We looked like whores! With our boobs sticking out all over! Whores, I tell ya!”) Imagine running into your ex-boyfriend at a Halloween party wearing a short skirt, knee high socks and a shirt that wouldn’t have passed any nun’s inspection. Actually, hearing about how he was getting married the following week while I was still single was softened exponentially by knowing I looked damn good in that costume.

Another year, we were “80s Homecoming Queens” (apparently we didn’t have the self-esteem to aspire to be Prom Queens), complete with big hair, sashes and horrible, puffy dresses. We ran into a group of guys dressed like nerds that evening and, staying in character, refused their advances. Until– in a lesson that nerds everywhere should learn– they bought us alcohol.

So this year needs to be even better. I think Mollymoo has one of the best ideas ever (damn you, Molly!). She’s dressing as Lucy from “I Love Lucy” for her office costume contest.

Come to think of it, my company doesn’t do a costume contest, I’m not invited to any Halloween parties this year and I may not even be someplace that gets trick or treaters. So I don’t really need a costume. But I’ll be damned if the Tooth Fairy upstages me again!