How we knew the neighborhood was not for us...

We’ve been house hunting lately… with some very mixed results. Having spent time going through two homes so mildewed and moldy, we would taste it for the next three hours, we were pleasantly surprised to find an almost-brand-new home in our price range. The house is only 9 years old and everything in it is new because the owners bought it from a foreclosure and fixed everything (which they had to do after the owners who were being foreclosed on sprayed food coloring everywhere… “Honey, I can’t find the markers or paint with which to ruin this beautiful house. Let’s search the kitchen for instruments of destruction. Potato peeler? Not going to work. Turkey baster? Nope. Can of whipped cream? Not destructive enough. Food coloring? Bingo! Now stand back while I ruin this entire three foot space with this tiny bottle of red!”
Anyway, beautiful house, nice views of a nearby lake, pretty big yard… not such a great neighborhood. Our first clue was the large group of people gathered in front of a home, not to barbecue, not to play Flashlight Tag, but to watch two guys tar a driveway. I’m not kidding when I say a quarter of the neighborhood had turned out for the big event. One woman had even set up a lawn chair in the yard to watch the festivities.
We’ve always mocked this area for having the kind of people who… are hicks, maybe have a set of teeth between them, could give the “Deliverance” actors a few tips… But I was giving it a chance and figured I might be able to overlook the crummy surroundings if I kept busy filling three bedrooms with belongings, throwing barbecues and finishing the den in the basement. Of course, I realized everything I was dreaming of would have kept me inside for however long we lived there… and what’s the point of living near a lake if you’re not going to step outside to enjoy it?
So we’re waiting to hear if our offer is accepted. Just kidding… we’ve moved on in our search. My dad has advised us to not worry so much about what we can afford and instead find something we really want (“Creative financing, KAT, creative financing.” I hope his creativity doesn’t require any actual money since we don’t really have any) We’re now in the market for 3,000 square foot houses with hot tubs, in-ground pools, stables for the horses we’re sure to have (through more “creative financing,” of course) and servants’ quarters for the live-in help. Of course you’ll be invited to the housewarming– and bring cash!