Friday, May 12, 2006

Every attorney needs a battleship tattoo

Me: “Can I draw a tattoo on your leg?”
The Pretend Husband: “No.”
Me: “Why not?”
PH: “Because I don’t want a tattoo.”
Me: “What if I want you to have a tattoo?”
PH: “Then we’ll go to a tattoo shop.”
Me: “I don’t want you to have a real one. Can I just draw one?”
PH: “No.”

It’s unfortunate, but this is an example of the stunningly intellectual conversations that go on in our house. Don’t get me wrong– we sometimes talk about national events (“I heard Chris Daughtry got offered a job as the lead singer of Fuel after he got kicked off ‘American Idol.’”) and our future together (Me: “I want six kids.” PH: “Who’s the lucky guy?”). But more often than not, our conversations border on the inane.
Living together does weird things to people. I had a friend in high school who had no problem joking about various bodily functions while I sat next to her mortified by the topic. But you move in with a person and there’s no limit to what you’ll share. We’ve stopped short of calling the other person into the bathroom to show off our “accomplishments,” but there’s no end to the colorful descriptions about what goes on in there.
I could get all girly and talk about how nice it is to be able to share every little thing with each other and be so comfortable that we can talk about literally anything. But I won’t. I’m too busy designing the fake tattoo the PH will be sporting when he wakes up tomorrow.


sj said...

this is hysterical to me, because last night, we laid awake thinking our dinosaur names. You know, like Saracerypaurus and Baileydactyl?

I shared this conversation with my friend who's getting married in a couple of months and I assured him that this is what it's like to be married.

Peter Matthes said...

I just remembered why I am single.

Dreamlover said...

Actually sounds kinda fun, sounds like a live-in best friend!!

I'll have to try it soon!!

anne altman said...

hilarious. i like drawing tattoos on men too. they don't like it. generally big hearts with the arrows stabbed through and our initials, right on the side of the shoulder.

why don't they like it?!?!?!

my ex would insinuate that it was gay. but see, 'tis the exact opposite of gay!

i would like it.