I cannot believe what I am about to write, but my dad informed us this morning that he purchased a cannon. That's right, if enemy forces invade my small Connecticut hometown, my dad will be leading the defensive charge.
Although a cannon seems like a pretty random purchase, anyone who knows my dad probably isn't that surprised by it. He's a huge Civil War buff (to the point where we spent every other summer tromping around battlefields that looked an awful lot like any other grassy field to us kids, but kept my dad telling stories about the battles that took place there for days). He's also a very big fan of eBay and now that he's retired he probably spends more time on the computer than I do at work (OK, I admit that's not such a powerful statement given the short hours I tend to work, but you get the idea...) Anyway, throwing together a love of history, an addiction to online auctions and a pinch of complete lunacy apparently results in the purchase of a cannon.
We first heard about the purchase from an email Dad sent out asking my brother to drive to upstate New York to pick it up. (A's response was, "If a love of the Civil War is a genetic trait, I hope to God I'm recessive.")
My response to the email was, "Oh my gosh, the old man's finally lost it!" To make myself feel better, I called my dad to talk about the cannon... which didn't make me feel better at all.
According to Dad, ""I've always wanted a cannon." (Who knew? But we can't fault the guy for fulfilling a lifelong dream, can we?) And he already knows what he's going to do with it; it's going in the garden outside the front door of the house. "It's going to face out, which is south, in case any Confederates come," said Dad.
He also told me he's going to rig it so he can fire it "but only on Memorial Day, the Fourth of July, Veterans' Day and when somebody asks." (Oh yeah, I'm sure most people are going to walk by a cannon in the front yard without asking if it works, right? I have a feeling "firing when somebody asks" translates to "anytime someone comes to visit.")
In case you're wondering about my old man's sanity, he assured me, "I'm not crazy, just a little looney." (I may have to get that one in writing... from a doctor... following electroshock treatment... to believe it!) So, if you're in the area and wondering just what a Civil War cannon sounds like, drop by my dad's house... all you have to do is ask.
So many books...
2 years ago