Friday, November 11, 2005

She's Having a Baby.

Question: Can you still have the "oh god please no i'm not ready" moment when you're nearly 30, have a house,and are married to a wonderful man?

Answer: Heck yeah you can.

Tomorrow is the baby shower of one of my closest friends Gabriela. In a year's tme, her life has lept from fun, single gal living the good life to happily married gal working out a new life to Mommy-to-be. And I absolutely admire her for her amazing attitude throughout.

I love Gaby for her zanyness and whackiness and off the wall perspective, and some of my friends wonder why and how we ever became friends. I imagine it has something to do with artistic temperaments, outlandish fashion sense, and a deeper bond that tie us together. We've both gone through things that people shouldn't have to go through, and came out very different people. I think maybe that's why we're friends.

Besides, who else was going to think my black and white striped tights were oh so perfect to wear out to a bar on a Friday night? And who else but Gabriela could pull off our "we're foreign journalists Ella and Jane out for a night out on the town" act that we used at Hartford bars on boring Saturday nights?

And now, eight years later, our lives have changed dramatically and yet we're still good friends. It was a little over a year ago when I worried that our friendship would die under the weight of serioius relationships. Not so, in fact, now we call each other to vent about our husbands, having to clean the toilet and now- about the weight and wait of impending motherhood. It makes me wonder if that's how mom and Ginny were 40 years ago.

There was a time, some months ago, when I thought I might be pregnant. I was scared to death and didn't know what to do or who to talk to. How crazy a sentence is that to write when you're 28, happily married with a good job and a home? I should have been thrilled, except that I had been married for less than a year and feared a baby would break us financially. In six months, the prospect would have been better. In a year, we probably would have hit babies r us immediately.

When I spoke with Gaby on my way home from work one day -- she told me: I'm pregnant. I was elated for her, and part of it may have been a "if she can do it, i can do it" response. But another part of it was more of a genuine happiness. I was excited when my sisters were pregnant, and I adore my nephews to bits. They make me feel like my family is growing and getting stronger. But Gaby having a baby opens a new world to me. My children will have friends and we will have birthday parties together was certainly one thought, but another was -- there's hope for me yet.

I'm sure she's nervous and scared. But she's so calm and matter of fact about her pregnancy -- as complicated as its been - that if we do happen to be in the one percent of couples who conceive while on the pill -- I'm not so worried.

But just in case, I'm going to run to CVS now to pick up some home pregnancy tests, refill my prescription.... and maybe pick up some condoms. I mean, I'm excited and all, but let's not go crazy.


KAT said...

I'm glad you have friends you can do "family" things with... because I'm sure not going to be fulfilling that role anytime soon! I have yet to have a friend my age go through a pregnancy-- it must be weird to see someone you knew as a young 'un doing such a grownup thing! I for one am waiting for you to go first... if it's not too bad, then I'll think about it.

stac said...

I was utterly terrified when I found out I was pregnant. Elated too, but scared beyond belief. And Brdn was planned, mind you, not an opps, so I shouldn't have been scared, right? But nothing can prepare you for the shock of seeing that second blue line show up. You doubt ALL of your abilities, you suddenly incredibly feel overwhelmed, but over time you adjust. You learn to live on less sleep. And later on you find yourself wondering how you ever lived without him/her.

gabriela said...

first of all i just have to say that if i can go from being a bar hoping diva to a happily expecatnt mom in less then a year flat - anyone can!
the truth is that no one is ever really ready to be a parent - there's just no way...think about it, it's not just the sleepless nights and dirty diapers, or the the terrible twos, or the weird science projects, and the dreaded teen years. The real kicker is that you are fully responsible for another human life for the rest of your life.
when my brother was three he asked how babies were made. my mom who was huge on being honest (a great lesson i've learned from her) told him that when a husband and wife loved each other very much and hugged in a very special way their love created a new life.
so my theory is that if we as people carry that love through and teach our children to be better ppl then we are with love - then you can't go wrong. we'll all make mistakes...and our children will learn from those too.
and being pregnant is not so bad - even with three months of projectile puke. lol! the thing is that everything that happens to your body is so amazing - the little parasite we call an embryo starts from one cell and turns into a whole human! i must confess that i often refer to my baby as an alien - afterall it did have a tail, and now that i can watch him move through my belly i can't help but laugh and think of the last scene in space balls.
the truth is that nature in its great wisdom releases all sorts of chemicals and hormones in your body to help you with the pregnancy. the less you think about all the medical bullshit and the more you trust nature to take its course as it has for millions of years the easier everything becomes.
I'm telling you guys - if i can do this and be this calm about it - anyone can. afterall millions of women have been doing this forever!
and bar-hoping does get old after a while! though the baby has gone to rallies before his birth and will surely go to more afterwards - and surely we'll take him to artsy things and what not- and i'm sure his dad will find a family friendly irish pub we can hang out at... so actually life isn't soooo drastically different if you don't want it to be. or at least life isn't over, it's just a new chapter.
and frankly think it's good to be a litle scared - that means you'll take your responsablity seriously.
ok - so now i hope you all go have babies - b/c it really is a great thing to be pregnant (minus strangers touching your belly)! and i just can't wait to see his face and look into his eyes for the first time!