Monday, October 17, 2005

Why I’m Glad I’m Not Katie Holmes…

Being beautiful is such a burden. (At least, that’s what my hot friends tell me). Let’s see, do I want to spend six hours having every hair plucked or waxed from my body then three hours having make-up put on and my hair dried out with styling products before squeezing into the latest haute couture or do I want to throw on the latest TJ Maxx buy, slap on some purple eye shadow, pull my hair into a ponytail and go? I think my Calvin Klane jeans answer that question!
Scientologists practice silent births so as not to traumatize the baby. To quote SJ, “Seriously?!?” As someone who tears up when squeezing particularly painful zits, I don’t think there’s a chance in hell I’m going to be able to shoot an object bigger than a bowling ball out of my nether regions without sharing a couple of thoughts about the experience with those around me.
Tom Cruise is kind of weird. I know none of you Maverick fans want to admit it, but c’mon! Personally, I think the tightie whities in “Risky Business” should have been the tip-off, but he seems to have been able to fool everyone for a long time. I’m sorry, but being one of the hottest men in the world does not excuse making a fool of yourself on Oprah’s couch or the fact that your two front teeth are closer to one of your ears than your nose. Buddy, you’re rich— invest in some braces already!

5 comments:

sj said...

don't babies have some sort of birth-like fluid in their ears anyway that prevents them from hearing? my experience with newborns is limited, but it seems like there's a lot of baby/prenatal goo around that would muffle the screams of pain that go along with natural childbirth.

or you know, so i hear. or don't hear, as the case may be.

Anonymous said...

Babies can hear while in thier mothers wombs... hence the reason that some people talk and sing to thier every growing stomaches!!

Stacey said...

Babies can identify their mother's voices immediately after birth because they have been able to hear while still in the womb. It's usually fully developed by the 18th week.

It's when they get older that they purposely try to block it out!

KAT said...

I sometimes talk and sing to my ever-growing stomach... does it still count if I'm not pregnant? :P

Ronnie Francis said...

The girl is brainwashed. Tom Cruise can NEVER be my wingman. It's obvious he never got over Goose's death because he's a total nut-job. Someone needs to tell him that it was just a movie and Anthony Edwards is OK... he's just ignoring him.