Tuesday, February 21, 2006

the good girl's gonna go bad.

warning, this is a rant.

I’m recovering today after a random stomach virus that had me up all night for no reason other than to make me miserable this morning. and in order to compound my feelings of dread this morning, I got an email that made me scream so loud and so long in my head that I’ve given myself a headache.

Have you ever had a drama queen for a friend?

I have. I’ve had one for a while and I’ve always tried to be patient, but I think I’m just about at the end of the rope. When things seem totally normal to me, things are horrifically awful to her. She just wrote me a doozey of a long letter telling me that because I haven’t seen her and barely talked to her in six months that I clearly don’t value our friendship and that I am the worst friend in the world. I am, actually, a bad, bad person. (“think about it, sj, would a good person make her friends feel bad?” there’s a healthy dose of irony in that)

Truthfully, I tuned out after the third paragraph. The gist of it was: you are a bad person for making me feel badly about myself. You don’t value our friendship, you never call me, you never want to talk to me, you see your other friends more than you see me and I only live 30 minutes away (really, at this point, can you blame me?), etc, etc. it went on and on. My favorite was that I apparently am not allowed to spend too much time with my family since: "You're not as close to your family as I am to mine."

I think that if it was possible to include a wav file so that dramatic music played in the background, she would have done it.

I had tried to take the high road explaining that I don’t have the ability to talk to everyone all the time, and I spread myself thin amongst my friends etc.

I still love my friends and consider them all wonderful people who don’t make me check in with them all the time because, truly, they understand that just because I don’t call them back within a day or two, it doesn’t mean I don’t love them any less and won’t call them.

I don’t think I’ll bother responding to the email.

There are enough stresses in everyday life that I don’t need to deal with toxic people. If you think i am evil, do not be my friend. i think that's a general rule for everyone to follow.


stac said...

I wouldn't respond to it either. This quote - "you are a bad person for making me feel badly about myself" just goes to show you how insecure this person is. And if this friend needs you to make her feel good about herself all the time, then she's got bigger problems to tackle. Now my question to you is - does she read your blog??

KAT said...

Toxic people... hmm, where in the world did you get that term? Must have been from some very wise friend of yours!
My only question, what if we're friends with you because we LIKE how evil you can be? ;)

sj said...

ooh - stac- excellent question. my guess would be probably not. otherwise she'd know how dear my sisters really are to me, and how i spend all of the time that i cannot spend with her.

besides, our blog is a "great way to keep in touch and know what's going on" with me, KAT, etc.

Some brilliant lass told me that ;)

mumooluver said...

Hi SJ,
I'm a long time reader and first time poster(haha that could also be read like i am a flat piece of glossy paper with like a picture of Kirk Cameron on it), but anywho. I read this entry and i thought about it you are completely right. Where does you friend get off wanting to spend time with you. That is completely absurd. I know that when my friends want to spend time with me I am like "God you again, hello get a life or learn to knit or something to keep yourself busy." And what was that about living a half of an hour away? That is like half of a pilates workout, but i bet your PH gives you all the workout you need. hehehe. I mean really how many friends do you really need in life? I know i only have two Jesus and Martha Stewart, in both cases i know that they will guide me and teach me new things everyday like how to love my neighbor or crochet a new jumper for my kitten Simba. Anyway I love the blogs and keep them coming