Thursday, November 03, 2005

Burned Popcorn and Flying Mattresses

I got fired today for burning popcorn in the office microwave. Well not really. But almost. The COO came down the hallway looking for the culprit, stopping in my office to make the joke that whoever has the popcorn is “out of here.” I turned around mid mouthful and asked, “Really?.. Because I’ll go.” He just laughed... so I guess I still have work to do tomorrow.

But- to be fair – I sit right near the kitchen and daily I’m subjected to a variety of lunchtime assaults on my olfactory senses. I told them that for my encore microwave performance, I’m going to make kielbasa and sauerkraut for lunch next week.

And while I was kidding, now I’ve got a craving for serious back-to-my-roots Polish food.

Speaking of cravings, that’s exactly what brought on my microwave debacle today. I usually HATE microwave popcorn, and yet today, I felt the sudden craving to bust it out. I think the devil made me do it.

So- now for my jerry Seinfeld moment…
What is with these drivers on the Merritt parkway?

I’m driving home from work on Tuesday, northbound towards what I like to call “normal Connecticut", away from what others refer to as “fah-field” when suddenly a pickup truck traveling in the lane next to me and about 10 car lengths ahead of me starts to lose various parts of its cargo. first it was the portable gas tank. next it was a stick. and next it was the queen sized mattress and sheets piled on it.

so I’m thinking – who are these people that don’t strip their bed before they move their mattress? I’m also thinking, “WAAAAAHGHGHGHGHG!!!!!” because it’s headed right for me. so without much thinking about the consequence, I stepped on the gas and swerved past it, missing it by what must have been inches, and missing the jersey barrier on my left side by another few inches. the craziest part – the guy NEVER STOPPED. I was so incensed by this- how can you lose a MATTRESS and not notice? I can see if you lose a stick or two… but the mattress that was clearly impairing your vision before it dropped off? I got behind the guy and he was suddenly 20 car lengths ahead of me, but I flashed my lights at him numerous times, thinking he’ll look in his rearview mirror. and notice that he could SEE out of his rearview mirror, but he never stopped. finally, I floored it and passed him, waving frantically that he lost something…… I’m guessing the guy never stopped because when I drove to work the next morning, the mattress was tucked over to the side of the road, dirty, slightly damaged, but still there.

maybe some raccoons got a comfortable place to rest.

2 comments:

KAT said...

It's so expensive to dispose of bulk trash that I often load it onto the roof of my car and drive around until it falls off...
I think it would have been awesome if you really were fired for burning popcorn-- what a story that Martha Stewart Jr. got fired for burning food! But, if a stalker photographer and the dumbass who writes about the "Andy's Mountains" (and the editor who let it into the paper!) get to keep their jobs, then I guess you should too.

Ronnie Francis said...

Wow! Just like the OJ chase! Well, without the white Bronco, the helicopters filming it for hours, and OJ... but heck - DRAMA!