A Birthday Ode for My Best Friend and Co-Blogger

An Ode to KAT - in honor of her BIRTHDAY!
(sung to the tune of … well. You’ll probably figure it out)

You’re a great one, K-A-T.
You really are a pal.
You're as wonderful as chocolate,
You're better than my ex-boyfriend Sal.
K-A-T…


You're a lovely lady
With medium-length auburn hair!


You're a sweetheart, K-A-T.
But your red sweater has some pills.
Your brain is full of facts,
You've got mad editorial skillz,
K-A-T…


But I still wouldn't hug you, with a
thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole.

You're amazing, K-A-T...
You have ice cream in your freezer!
You have all the best Wii games
Of a techno ubernerd.
K-A-T…..


Given the choice between you and the PH as a setback partner
I'd know what to do!


You're just awesome, K-A-T.
You're a fun and crazy treat.
Your fridge is full of taco salad
And you make yummy, melty fudge.
K-A-T….


Three words that can describe you,
are, and I quote: "Doesn’t Eat Meat."


You're my bestie, K-A-T.
You're the queen of shenanigans.
You’re always up for plots
But you hate bread with moldy spoots,
K-A-T….


Your soul is an amazing, generous glowing bird
with the most colorful plumage imaginable,
Combined with polka-dot high heel boots.


You make me laugh! K-A-T,
And yes, you do eat chicken and turkey.
But if you could, you’d live on Dairy Queen,
K-A-T.


You're a Chocolate Explosion blizzard,
With a Friendly’s Frend-zee
With extra peanut butter AND chocolate sauce!!

Five years! A list about my beloved, strange but not estranged spouse

Way back when KAT and her beloved were checking themselves for ticks (October 8), I hit a little milestone I like to call my fifth wedding anniversary.

I don't talk about him all that much on this here blog - but I thought I'd use this opportunity to pledge my undying love and affection.

Or you know, list some qualities about my crazy beloved and what makes him that way (my beloved, not necessarily the crazy part).

1) He hates having his picture taken, but believes that by closing his eyes, he's somehow hiding from the camera.
2) He takes a nap every day when he gets home from work. Which really just kind of makes me jealous.
3) He can do multiplication with two and three digit numbers AND long division in his head. It fascinates me, since I'm a word person and not a numbers person.
4) He reads books about our founding fathers. They are interspersed with his growing collection of sport magazines that have something to do with fishing.
5) He makes me grilled cheese sandwiches when I am sick.
6) He is a vicious card player but does not ALWAYS beat me in poker.
7) He is very witty and sarcastic, and can hold his own amidst any crowd - even though he hates meeting new people.
8) He has interesting taste in music which includes a lot of rap and hip hop, Johnny Cash - and the Dropkick Murphy's.
9) He is the worst speller/former of sentences ever. He was put in charge of one thing when we were planning our wedding: call the reception hall. The conversation began with him saying: "I'm thinking about having a wedding...?"
10) He has big plans to learn to build things with wood. He watches an awful lot of This Old House and buys a lot of wood. But so far, these are just plans.

Things have been a bit crazy for us lately as we are selling our house, and buying a new one (a process which hopefully wraps up in 18 days or so). But I didn't want the month to go by without a little shout out to that lucky man who I duped into marrying me so many years ago.

Things the world needs: Exit Interview for Ex's

So I had this conversation with a very good friend of mine that I would link to if she wrote a blog but she doesn't so that just makes this an awkward long sentence.

She has had some bad luck with dating recently, and was telling me about it. Wisely, she was not seeking my advice because I don't really claim to be any sort of an expert on that, with notable exceptions.

For the most part, it's KAT that is the expert on the dating thing. Though since we're both out of practice, I thought I'd try to approach this latest dating dilemma my friend is going through with an approach I'm most familiar with: a business approach.

We've decided really, all parties would be best served by an exit interview after the last date. The problem with administering this kind of thing is that you sometimes don't KNOW when the last date is. Problematic *and* potentially embarrassing.

This is why I propose an online Exit Survey that can be administered to the man/woman who so recently decided to "go in a different direction" - mainly, away from you. (I'm totally going to create this - don't go stealing my idea, Interweb. I'll kick your pixels from here to Al Gore's house.)

So here's my sample survey, but I'd love to get some more input from the Interweb. Please add your questions in the comments.

1. Describe the main reason we won't be romantically linked going forward:

a) I'm just not attracted to you
b) I'm attracted to you, but I find myself drawn to everyone else *more* than you.
c) I have recently decided to pursue other options (the waitress from last night's date, your best friend, your sister, your ex-boyfriend, etc)
d) You are way too serious for my liking.
e) You're the bees knees, honey, but I have been kidnapped by aliens.
f) You scare me a little.

2. How would you describe my abilities as a love interest:

a) I've made out with my hand and evoked more enthusiasm.
b) You were okay, but frankly, I'm more into me. Tell me more about my eyes.
c) You were brilliant, but alas, your brilliance is intimidating.
d) You need to step it back, honey. There's no need to pack me my lunch and send me off to work with a silkscreened lunch bag says says "SJ loves J 4Ever" - on our second date.
e) You would be awesome if you showed one iota of interest in just something I did or said.
f) You were an awesome love interest. But I found a better one.

3. Does your not seeing me anymore have anything to do with (choose one):

a) me not sleeping with you?
b) me sleeping with you?
c) that time I threw up on you?
d) that time I dropped my beer all over you?
e) the fact that all of my friends (appear to) hate you?
f) that time I made you miss the Red Sox game to go to my cousin's wedding?

4. What was your favorite quality of mine?

a) I'm hilarious.
b) I'm incredibly intelligent.
c) I'm bee-you-tea-full.
d) I have tons of super awesome friends.
e) I have a really nice car/house/apartment.
f) I am incredibly fun to be around.

5. What was one thing I need to work on?

a) I need to have a better sense of humor.
b) I need to read more.
c) I need to work on my fashion sense/overall look.
d) I need to find new/more friends.
e) I am too involved with work/charities/organizing other people's lives.
f) I need to figure out how to better relate to humanity.


So. There you are. My first draft. What do we think?

i have strep throat, but i've mastered the four point Wonder Woman turn

Seriously?

Strep throat?

Really?

So all weekend long i had this ridiculous fever that kept me from doing things like getting my hair dyed pretty colors that aren't grey, checking out my friend's band, going grocery (or any other kind of) shopping, etc.

But you know what I did do? I discovered Wonder Woman full episodes on WB.com and watched the first half of season 2 in my feverish state.

It brought me back all of the amazingness that was my childhood heroine. God I love that Wonder Woman. I totally had the underoos, the large silver bracelets which were made of silver, but let's pretend it was feminum, mmmk?

I have to say I prefer seasons two and three over the first mostly because Diana has some great 70s fashions. She rocked that wrap dress - and only Linda Carter could really get away with those glasses.

But when was a turban ever a wise non-religious influenced fashion choice?

I have to say that all of these new web sites popping up with childhood classic shows are really bringing back some fond memories - and there are so many shows I've forgotten about. Like... Remington Steele, Fraggle Rock, Small Wonder....

Gosh I love the Internet.

My sister and I: 0 Pickerel: 4

Just so it's clear, my sister and I are not huge fans of fish that have teeth. So when it comes to things like pickerel and pike, we are, frankly, scared of them.

So you can just imagine how much fun it was to see just the two of us catch not one but five toothy creatures.

The first one took us both by surprise. It hit my lure particularly hard.

JAL: What is it?
me: I don't know! You tell me! (I was, at the time, fighting to bring it up to the surface, and it happen to be right in front of her.

We both saw the long skinny belly at the same time.

JAL and Me (together): Oh, crap.

That began a string of expletives not fit for electronic publication. It also began a streak of us catching things that could bite our fingers off. Or mangle them, at minimum.

But today was practice, really. Because tomorrow, my sister and I will be joined by a certain four year old who thinks all fish are cute, and likes to pet them.

Tomorrow should be fun.

Remember back when I used to blog? That was fun.

Yada yada, excuse about not blogging, yada yada.

I realize there's a formula to my posts, so I'm going to try to mix it up a bit. Kind of like how I mix up my work wardrobe by wearing black one day, black another day, then black with red shoes and then black and white.

It's about that time of year when I take off with my family for vacation. Like I do every year. And every year it's full of hilariousness. Hopefully this year will be no exception.

So as I gather my St. Croix rods, Pfluegger reels, Mepps lures and peep toe pumps (because nothing says bass fishing like fancy footwear), I am also grabbing a digital camera and my laptop. Because I vow to our reading public to blog from Vermont *every single day* with the events of the day.

Besides, when my sister and I get together on a boat and there are fish with teeth involved, it's always a good time.

Particularly because her boat has a cooler. And I think I will make Cosmopolitans in a thermos. I just hope that we don't accidentally store the vodka in the livewell. That would not be good.

sj needs -- well not really but i bought them anyway- a new pair of shoes

Tell me.

Do these make my unpedicured toes look fat?

Are you there, Bloggers? It's me, SJ.

Well, I hope you all enjoyed my vacation as much as me. True, it wasn't the lovely Los Cabos that I had longed to escape too.

It was in fact New Paltz, New York.

It was a lovely mountaintop retreat in New York where j and I were the only guests under 60.

But still very pretty. See?


I know, right? So pretty. It had everything - a spa, a five star chef, canoes, lots of hiking, yoga and meditation classes, an art tour -- truly a diverse outlay of entertainment options.

But you know what this place didn't have?


Television and a decent internet connection. But, boy did I do some reading.

Someday, maybe I'll take a vacation where I can wear my ever growing collection of awesome sundresses and bathing suits. *Sigh. Someday.

Friday Favorites: things SJ's husband has said...

I admit that I haven't been very funny this week.

However, my darling husband has been on a roll.

Try to contain yourself from jealousy over the loving relationship that we have. (Am kidding. I'm totally certain he loves me, but he loves mostly to tease me in public to watch my reaction. It's like an Olympic sport for him.)

So I give you:

My favorite of J's top quotes.

1) "Would it kill you to put a little makeup on?"
2) "The Amish called. They want their dress back."
3) "You are one bonnet short of a Mennonite."
4) "There's this new invention called the comb. Hear of it?"

I should mention that all of these were uttered when we were out to dinner the other night, and only mentioned in front of the waiter, who I'm sure was ready to slip me a domestic abuse pamphlet.

5) "Would you like a hamburger with that cheese?"
6) "Dude.... Dude.... Dude.... Dude...Are you sleeping?" (about 2 minutes after we turned the lights off last night. I blame the sugar and comedy central.)
7) "Bailey and I had a conversation and he thinks you should sleep on the couch."
8) "Whatever. Tell your gay boy friend/girl friend/amusement park worker/flight attendant I said hello."
9) "But you have to lose big. Because otherwise the house wins." (When trying to explain Poker at the casino to me. This still seems backwards.)
10) Him: "Honey.... honey... honey.... honey.... honey.... honey..."
Me: "WHAT?!
Him: "What, I was going to tell you I love you. You don't have to be all mean about it."

I know. True love is painful to witness.

Friday Favorites from SJ

So to pick up on Twitter's #followfriday trend (yes, I twitter. do you?), I have decided to declare Fridays "Favorite Fridays" and announce to you my five favorite things today. It could have just as easily been four, but I was feeling generous and optimistic.

Yay for Favorite things!

These things may change from day to day, but today, as of right now, these are my favorites.

Favorite childhood toy: Glamour Gals -- followed very closely by Lincoln Logs. The old school kind that were made of wood -- not those cheap plastic imitation wood kind.

Favorite blog post this week: This one, from Muffy. That may be the best birthday present ever. The only thing better than this would be Clive Owen himself. (My birthday is in July, Interweb. Just saying.)

Favorite food: the tomato, mozzarella and basil panini I ate yesterday. This will likely change this weekend when I eat something not canned or boxed.

Favorite girl scout cookie: Tagalongs have replaced Thin Mints this week. But I may need to do a blog poll to explore everyone else's thoughts about those Lemon ginger ones. I find them oddly fascinating and yet repellent.

Favorite song: Whiskey in the Jar because that's the kind of thing you listen to when you are dressed up like a Disney reject from Fantasyland.

i am no good at making decisions.

and yet? i've been given a choice.

it's either this:



or this:


j is being sent to Cabo San Lucas for work (oh, woe to him... my poor husband... being sent to paradise..) and he can take me with him. however, if i go with him, it means that we cannot get the puppy we've been considering. this isn't that puppy, but it's super close.

decisions, decisions....

Look out for me, Leo Dicaprio.

so. i bought myself something. a necklace. one that i would wear all the time and it would remind me of my grandmother. her stone was blue topaz -- her eyes were the color of the stone. she liked big funky rings, etc. but I thought a necklace would be most suitable.

well.

now i'm terrified of going on cruises, for fear of an iceberg.

because i may have accidentally purchased the heart of the ocean.



i mean. i'd never buy anything heart shaped. but when two different people started singing the lyrics to "My Heart Will Go On" when they saw it, it's enough to concern me.

Don't you already know enough about me?

I can't not get in on this little contest from our good bloggy buddy Andy.

That's why I'm responding to his challenge.
My mission? Write one post on my blog this week describing:
A) Something nobody knows about me, or
B) One of my favorites stories from my childhood, or
C) My 10 Top Favorite (Fill in the Blank).

And because you all know everything whacky about me - that leaves out a. And you all know I had a crazy childhood filled with goats, sheep, chickens and what not, that leaves out b.

So C it is.

My Top 10 Favorite uh... uh... let's go with - My Top 10 Favorite Holiday Things. Or:

Top 10 Favorite Things I Love About the Holidays

1) The days off. That sounds lame, I realize, but really. I couldn't be more ecstatic that this is a short week and that I will have the next four days off. The whole turkey thing is just icing. But not turkey-flavored icing. Because that'd be gross.
2) All the parties and reasons to get dressed up. I love getting dressed up in fancy holiday wear. And my company has a fancy schmancy party each year that requires me to get a new outfit every year. I loves it.
3) Getting to spend extra time with my family and friends. Holidays mean VISITORS! And ENTERTAINING! Two things I love, but don't get any of during the rest of the year. And I love cooking for friends. I just don't get to do it often.
4) Two words: Christmas Trees.
5) Two more words: Christmas Lights.
6) And two more: Santa Claus
7) Cookie swaps! I'm doing one through work this year. We had one in our family, but my poor sister got tired out with all of the stress it caused (and it's tough to organize and believe you me-- making 9 dozen cookies is no easy thing.)
8) ABC Family's 25 days of corny, lame, schmaltzy Christmas movies.
9) Slower month at work, allowing me time to regain my sanity and give me more hours in the week to work on all the year end crap I must face.
10) 24 hours of Christmas Carols.

Now, I realize that some of you out there may say "Boo - Christmas is so commercial. yada yada...."

But you know what? I don't care. Keep that thought to yourself, because I freaking love Christmas, all right?

And if I have to hear one more person complain about the fact that I am going to put up my two Christmas trees the day after Thanksgiving, they're going to find themselves at the sharp pointy end of said tree. Like a freaking Christmas angel, all right?

Quit your whining and enjoy the freaking spirit of the freaking season, people.

Happy Holidays!

Love,
SJ

well, that was fun.

i'm back from vacation. and we had -- truly - a BLAST. i meant to blog while i was there, since there were so many precious things said by e or JAL -- i really wish i had carried a notebook with me.

so, some highlights:
1) there are a number of pictures of me with various characters. this, in part, was due to a direct request from my nephew. he was initially a little trepidacious about meeting some of them, although. there was no real logic behind it. he was cool with Captain Hook, but afraid of Peter Pan. totally cool with Tigger, Pooh, etc., but petrified of Alice.

2) we got there on Saturday, but my dear little nephew was insistent that we were not yet in Disney World. we went to Animal Kingdom. still not in disney world. saw Mickey. still not in Disney World. went to EPCOT. still not in Disney World. went to Hollywood studios. still not in Disney World. not until we were AT the castle, were we actually considered "in Disney World."

3) as we were sitting in the Liberty Tree Tavern, awaiting Pluto's visit to our table, we asked him, "So? Are you in Disney World?" his response? "no, mom. We're in the dinner place."
duh.

4) riding tower of terror with the little guy. he's 3.5. so imagine the chagrin of the adults riding the ride with us (no wait, btw - we walked right on TWICE in a row) when he squealed with delight -- not fear.

5) why do i always get the seat with no handles on that ride?

6) i got to ride the goofy rollercoaster again with no one looking at me funny because i was with a child. ditto to the magic carpets and the dinosaurs at Animal Kingdom.

7) it was COLD. i had to wear half of the contents of my suitcase at once in order to stay warm enough. which meant every outfit i wore, i strongly resembled Minnie Mouse.

there's probably more... and I'll have to ask JAL to comment to remind me of some of the highlights. but, right now, i'm buried and must get back to it.

i've missed you, bloggies. and will be around to all of your blogs eventually to see what fun antics i've missed.

things that totally made my day today

it's a monday, and mondays are usually icky and horrible, but today, my day has been superb (which is much-needed because yesterday was kind of crap).

so here's my short list of things that made today great:

1) an awesome email from a good friend of mine whom i hadn't heard from all week (and i miss him a lot).
2) a huge bouquet of flowers delivered to me at work from j. *sigh.
3) a peanut butter pie made by a co-worker that will require me to do an hour and a half of pilates but whatevs.
4) an old flame telling me how hot i looked in a pic i posted on FB (thank you, and i know - and double parenthetical note: FB is still my dirty little mistress to blogger. but she knows it's not serious.)
5) nothing blowing up yet.
6) the knowledge that i only have to get through this week before i'm on vacation next week with Jal and little E and I can't WAIT. i'll bring my laptop to blog from the Happiest Place on Earth.

i know we have to follow our recend award rules and post our pics, and we will this week. scout's honor. although i was never in these "scouts" - so. that doesn't sound promising, does it?

Plans for Halloween?

I have plans for Halloween!

And I'm so excited about it.... because it involves me going to a spooky castle and scaring people. And yes, I realize only the first part of that is different from any other Friday night.

Jealous? You don't need to be. You can go too! (If you're in the Gloucester, Mass. area on Friday night...)

It's called "Castle of the Damned" and I don't really know much of the details, except that it's put on by some of my newest friends whom I just adore, as you'll recall from my previous famously-titled I have a crush on the Pope entry.

And it's AWESOME. The castle, I mean. I went last weekend with Kara and an Annoying Boy.

So if you, dear reader 1 and 2 from Massachussetts (which I know about because of our awesome map), are in the area on Friday, come get spooked!

you folks are awesome.

Thank you everyone for your warm thoughts and prayers.

I think I'll be sad for a while, but when you have awesome friends who bring you flowers and others who leave you THREE CONTAINERS OF ICE CREAM in your fridge, it's a little easier to face the day without your Gramma.

I felt I had to share all of that ice cream wealth, so I brought the half gallon over to my parents house, since we'll be there tomorrow to gather, and we were there yesterday.

I had no idea we had so many bloggy friends in Central Pennsylvania! Who knew?! Had I known, I would have shared pretzels with all of you...

But thanks, guys. You are all awesome.

Be at peace, Gramma.

I will miss you more than words can say.

Gramma "Babci" Julia
December 27, 1914 - October 17, 2008

if everyone claps their hands really loudly...

maybe KAT will post!

actually, it's because she has no access to the internet. which is what i forgot when i emailed her yesterday.

so while i pine away for my BFF and ...
OOPS. accidental publish.

and have to resort to using the telephone (so 1990s), let's just go through my favorite five things about KAT:

1) she's super funny. as you all know by now. she's not just electronically funny, either. she's just always funny.
2) she's my go to person when something heart-breaking happens. because she will always try to make me feel better which is so awesome.
3) she doesn't mock me when i wear pig tails. she leaves that to j.
4) she has a huge heart and is always willing to lend a hand to those who need it. really. sometimes, we all tease her for her incredibly packed social calendar, but it's just because she is so loved by so many.
5) she is a fantastic setback partner.

what about you? what do you love about KAT?

current itunes song: "same thing" by the barenaked ladies

fall cleaning.

so, besides the cold, which sucks, it's been a crazy busy week for both of us here at Funnygals, so we apologize for our sluggish posting. in truth, i was in a zicoma, which, as you know, is induced by drinking metallic tasting, overly sweet syrup called zicam. which, allegedly heals you. whatev. it's disgusting enough to make you forget about the phlegm in the back of your throat, but that's about it.

and quite frankly, while i've been driven insane with crap, i have nothing really new to report except to say that i freakin' love fall but i freakin' hate people (not everyone. not you, certainly. just you know. the creepers).

love it. spring and fall - or as i call them, the in-betweens, have long been my favorite seasons.

i love my fall wardrobe -- with all of those long cozy sweaters.
i love all the exciting things to do every weekend like going apple picking or going to a country fair.
i love the cool nights that make me glad i have those cozy sweaters.
and i love pumpkins. is that weird? because i totally do. i'm growing them, in fact. but poorly. really, i have an overgrown patch of weeds with some gourds. a crapload of gourds. and by growing them, really i mean i dumped the seeds in the ground and let nature take its course. there wasn't any weeding or watering, etc.

and i've also decided -- just now -- to do some fall cleaning. i just cleaned my cell phone out of all of those numbers of people that a) i don't ever call anymore for one reason or another (like former colleagues that i only had in my phone so i'd recognize the number when they called me) and b) that i shouldn't have in there in the first place (former flames, people that i don't like, etc.)

it feels wonderful. so awesome, in fact, that i just now decided to do the same thing with my buddy list. i rely on instant messenger (both AIM and MSN) all day long for work, and every once in a while, i'd shoot an IM over to a friend just to vent or check in, etc. and there are some people that have languished on there - i message them, but they rarely respond, else they're rarely online.

i deleted those suckers.

it's awesome. and liberating. i totally recommend it.