This explains the bags under my eyes this morning...

Dear Molly & Casey,

You two are relatively small dogs. You weigh less than 20 pounds each and can both fit in my lap at the same time.

So, how then, do you manage to take up so much of the bed Dad and I sleep in? It's a queen-size bed, which should be plenty of room for two adults and two small dogs. I've watched closely and I still can't figure out how you two each manage to take up three times the area of your body.

Molly, sorry about that kick to your head this morning. But, really, I think it was only partially my fault. I also blame your dad for being savvy enough to take up most of his half of the bed so you and Casey sprawl out on mine. And, oh yeah, I blame you for putting your head in a space that is very clearly meant for my feet.

I think we can make this work. But you two need to try to stay within your allotted space and I will try to keep my feet from kicking you in the head.

Love, Mom

P.S. Don't even get me started on when I get up to go to the bathroom and you two move up onto my pillow. I don't know if you guys expect that I will willingly trade places by curling up at the foot of my own bed, but that is so not going to happen.

Friday Favorites: things SJ's husband has said...

I admit that I haven't been very funny this week.

However, my darling husband has been on a roll.

Try to contain yourself from jealousy over the loving relationship that we have. (Am kidding. I'm totally certain he loves me, but he loves mostly to tease me in public to watch my reaction. It's like an Olympic sport for him.)

So I give you:

My favorite of J's top quotes.

1) "Would it kill you to put a little makeup on?"
2) "The Amish called. They want their dress back."
3) "You are one bonnet short of a Mennonite."
4) "There's this new invention called the comb. Hear of it?"

I should mention that all of these were uttered when we were out to dinner the other night, and only mentioned in front of the waiter, who I'm sure was ready to slip me a domestic abuse pamphlet.

5) "Would you like a hamburger with that cheese?"
6) "Dude.... Dude.... Dude.... Dude...Are you sleeping?" (about 2 minutes after we turned the lights off last night. I blame the sugar and comedy central.)
7) "Bailey and I had a conversation and he thinks you should sleep on the couch."
8) "Whatever. Tell your gay boy friend/girl friend/amusement park worker/flight attendant I said hello."
9) "But you have to lose big. Because otherwise the house wins." (When trying to explain Poker at the casino to me. This still seems backwards.)
10) Him: "Honey.... honey... honey.... honey.... honey.... honey..."
Me: "WHAT?!
Him: "What, I was going to tell you I love you. You don't have to be all mean about it."

I know. True love is painful to witness.

Issues...

Two nights ago, laying in bed and about to fall asleep, I punched the Pretend Husband in the face (how's that for an opening line?). I didn't mean to and I felt pretty bad about it and of course, I apologized.

Last night, while again about to fall asleep, I tried to reach for the PH's hand... and slapped him in the head.

This is all accidental of course, but he has been kind of annoying lately in that very normal way that husbands and wives sometimes get on each other's nerves. I'm wondering if all this battering is my subconscious dealing with my annoyance. And, if so, perhaps the PH should sleep in the guest room tonight.

Hard ground, cold weather, still the best sleep ever

Oh, hey! I didn't see you there. How's it going? Good, good. And me? Well, I'm good. Not too much to report lately, which is why I kind of abandoned you this week. Now I'm back.

But, still, without a lot to report. Let's see... the Pretend Husband, Molly and I attempted to camp out over the holiday weekend. It went something like this: KAT comes up with this great idea to sleep in the backyard in a tent one night and the PH agrees to it (which may have been preceded by him negotiating sexual favors in return for his company). So KAT enthusiastically picks out the perfect spot, lays down the tarp, sets up the tent, drags the sleeping bags, pillows and comforters out to the tent, digs out the flashlight and takes a lot of ribbing from her friends. Then she gets Molly's blanket and lights the way for the trio to walk out to the tent. Then she may have fulfilled her end of the bargain (if you know what I mean) and fallen asleep shortly thereafter.

KAT was woken by the PH and Molly about three hours later with the complaint of (from the PH) Molly not settling down, the ground being too hard against a softball injury and KAT's snoring waking him up. Oh, and (from Molly), there's a $1,500 mattress inside... explain to me again why we're sleeping on the ground?!? So the two of them hiked back to the house and KAT spent the rest of the night alone in the tent.

Thereby proving that KAT sticks to her promises and is more of a man than the PH.

A rude awakening

In the cottage we lived in before we bought our house, the full size bed was shared by Molly, me and the Pretend Husband (just kidding, Dad. He had his own room waaaaay on the other side of the house. Maybe even in a different house altogether). Yes, it was tight, but it worked out well in the winter when we were more likely to wake up to a 42-degree cold front in our bedroom than a toasty warm feeling.

Just a few months ago, we upgraded our bed to a queen size to give us all a bit more room (you would not believe how much room a 15-pound Peekapoo can take up!) All seemed to be going well… until this week. The past two mornings, I’ve woken out of a deep sleep, rolled over to put my arm over the PH… and met up with a very furry being. Instead of the PH, I got Molly… stretched out in all her glory on the PH’s side of the bed.

At first, I thought maybe they switched places, so I checked the end of the bed and the floor next to it, but the PH was nowhere to be found. Turns out, he’s been sleeping in the guest room (on the full-size bed he complained about so often!) when our bed gets too crowded. Molly seems to have a habit of crawling up the bed over a number of hours until she’s right next to the PH, which is when she starts spreading out in all directions, sending him to the edge of the bed. Personally, I sleep through all this, but the PH is a light sleeper and gets to the point where he can’t take it anymore and he leaves.

Molly seems to be winning the battle of the bed for now. But I’m hoping the PH takes a stand soon– even with morning breath, I like his kisses better than Molly’s.