I'm participating in Rant & Rave Wednesday before my head explodes...

I've never done this before, but the idea popped up over at Little Ms. Blogger's place and I jumped on it because...

Rant: One of my employees is driving me insane. He's a pain in the butt on a good day, but has been extra annoying this week. I've spent more time on the the phone with him than all my other employees and my husband combined! I don't know if this guy's mom didn't give him enough attention growing up or what, but he feels the need to pass every little thing by me (in excruciating detail...) and then acts all hurt if I imply I don't need to hold his hand. Dude, just do your job, call me if there's a problem and leave me the heck alone if there isn't.

Rave: Dinner last night. I'm known for not being the greatest cook and especially for not being able to decide what to make without the Pretend Husband making suggestions. Yesterday, he asked me to take some sausage out of the freezer and mix it with spaghetti sauce in the Crockpot. Which I kept putting off doing until he called to say he was halfway home. So I quickly looked through the fridge and concocted an amazing omelet for him. I had never actually made an omelet before, but it turned out awesome.

Rant: Why did I blow that surprise on a random Tuesday when the PH's birthday is coming up and I've been forbidden to buy him anything and all I really have to surprise him with is a nice meal? Perhaps lightning will strike twice and I'll be able to come up with another new dish (and happen to have all the right ingredients laying around) again?

Rave: This weekend, I reconnected with someone I haven't talked to in a long time. And she and her husband (a big sports fan like the PH) live in our town, so she suggested we all get together. Not only that, but a good friend is moving only a few miles away from us next month. And has suggested we have regular dinner nights. I'm no longer feeling so isolated living in a town at least 20 minutes from anywhere I need to go.

Hey, this thing works! I was spitting mad when I started and feel much better already! Now if I can just figure out that birthday meal for the PH...

I should not be allowed to make promises before 10 a.m.

The wonderful Mollymoo at Exquisitely Wasted gave us this here award (I think it's because she thinks SJ and I are so demure and quiet about our lives and she just wants to know more about us). Also, I may have promised one of SJ's sisters that I would blog every day this week. I blame the fact that it was early in the morning and I hadn't yet hooked myself up to an IV bag of coffee. I wasn't thinking straight. (And SJ, I will cheat and not post if you do. How about we make it a "something gets posted everyday" week rather than "Kat posts everyday"? Good? Good.)

Oh, and just to make an incredibly long post even longer, I should explain that, although the rules of the award only say to share 10 things about yourself, I-- for some strange reason-- went with a job/career theme.

1. I have no desire to become a real estate agent (I don’t think I’d be great at negotiating deals), but I am positively addicted to real estate in general. I love going online and looking for houses for people (only people who are already looking themselves, I should add—I don’t try to persuade people to move). I may be freaking SJ out because every time she mentions a house she has seen or wants to see, I ask for the address and look it up online. The two of us may or may not have spent almost an hour on the phone recently going room-by-room through the photos of each of the five houses she had seen that day. I’m not admitting to anything.

2. I have never had any desire to be President. Or a nurse. Or have any career that would send me into the corporate world. Or do anything that involved science. Or be a flight attendant (I would not be able to keep a straight face in turbulence).

3. I spent a couple of summers and holiday vacations working as a waitress at a country club. It was a great job, for the most part, and it’s where I learned how to quickly and properly cut a wedding cake– a skill that has not really come into play for me since. The club members were all fairly cordial, but some of their kids were horrific and entitled. They liked to order the staff around as though we were their personal servants. I’m sure more than one of them was served an ice cream sundae that had been spit on (I never did it, but not all the wait staff were as classy as me…)

4. I have secretly considered getting my master’s degree and going into teaching. But not little kids. Perhaps at a college? Maybe someday.

5. I WILL flip a house someday. Although hopefully not one I’m living in at the time since I’ve done that and it’s not as fun as it looks. But how awesome would it be to turn something outdated and run down into a beautiful home? And maybe this time I could actually even turn a profit (the only flaw in the plan the last time around…)

6. My job in middle school and high school was as a soccer referee. I did it for seven years and made mad money. In fact, I worked weekends during the spring and fall and was able to take the summer off. I sometimes wish I had stuck with it (summers off sound nice…) Is it possible to become a professional town league soccer referee?

7. After almost two years of marriage, I still sometimes introduce myself with my maiden name. I blame my weekend job because I use my maiden name on the radio. It’s confusing for me. The other day, I introduced myself to a group of people as Kat Maiden Name…… Married Name. So it sounds like I have a hyphenated name—with a very long hyphen.

8. Although all our babysitters growing up were cool and let us stay up to watch television until the moment my parents pulled into the driveway (and sometimes we even got away with it), when I was old enough to babysit, I was the mean babysitter who made kids go to bed at whatever bedtime their parents gave me. I think I was just really stuck on the concept of following the rules at that age. That, and it was impossible to raid the cabinets if the kids were awake and watching.

9. My worst job was the summer between high school and college, when I worked in the kitchen of a restaurant (I had wanted to be a waitress, but the only position they had open was as the salad bar stocker). I was really ill that summer, but had recovered by my final day of work—the day I was required to peel and chop 20 pounds of carrots and then, as a finale, de-vein 40 pounds of raw scallops. It was the most disgusting job ever and my hands smelled like seafood for days. I swore up and down I would never work in a restaurant kitchen again (it may also have to do with why I don’t cook too often either. Ok, probably not, but I may have to plead “Post Traumatic Disorder” if the PH ever questions it…)

10. I’m living the dream, people. I recently found a cassette tape (and then found something that could actually play it!) that had my young voice playing the part of the DJ in between my favorite 80s hits. Even as a kid, I wanted to be on the radio. Then, as I grew older and worked for newspapers in high school and college, I wanted to be a journalist. Look at that! I’m a journalist on the radio! It’s nice when a plan comes together.

I think I'm supposed to "tag" people but I'm not going to put you on the spot. If you have a blog and want to spend a lot of time coming up with a huge list of things about yourself, go for it. If you don't want to, how about everybody leaves a story about their best or worst job in the comments and we'll call it even? Good? Good.

Maybe it comes with a side of salad?

On Friday, while the Pretend Husband and I were traveling, we stopped at Wendy's for dinner. And I forbid him from ordering the Baconator. I have never forbidden the PH to do anything (I think our marriage vows pretty much forbid adultery, but that's God forbidding it, not me). I did it because the last time the PH had a Baconator, he had some-- ahem-- gastrointestinal issues for the rest of the night. So, really, it was for his own good (and mine!)

I sense I will be forbidding the PH from ordering something else just as soon as he hears about it. KFC is now offering this:

(photo courtesy of foodgeekery.com)

That's the KFC Double Down Sandwich, which is bacon, cheese and sauce between two pieces of fried chicken. My arteries are clogging just talking about this. The fact that this sandwich is being tested out in only two markets-- neither of which we live in-- may be the only thing standing between the PH and a coronary right now.

Thank goodness we got tagged because I was fresh out of funny.

We were lovingly tagged by the adorable Geiger Girl.

If you've never checked out her blog, you should. She's so amusing, she's radioactive. Get how I did that there? Radioactive? Geiger?

Sorry. Am tired. No excuse I realize. Am also batshit crazy this week, however.

8 Things I am looking forward to:

1. Am dressing up like a pirate this weekend and singing sea songs. Jealous?
   
2. Leaving for Los Cabos
   
3. ... in Mexico
4. .... laying on the beach
   
5. .... drinking margaritas.
   
6. ... acting as trophy wife.
7. ... living for a week in flip flops.
   
8. .... and sundresses.
   

8 Things I did yesterday:

1. Showered. Lucky coworkers.
   
2. Worked up a storm.
   
3. Ate a turkey and brie panini.
   
4. Did some more working.
   
5. Thought briefly about the things that I still need to do before going to Mexico.
   
6. Had a very brief electronic conversation with my sister.
   
7. Met my friend Jeff for happy hour and to celebrate his a) turning 40 b) getting a new job c) leaving CT.
8. Rocked out to Fiona Apple.
   

8 Things I wish I could do:

1. Fly. Seriously. Would make my fear of heights completely dissipate. Also would make travel so much easier, and my commute so much better... really, flying is the answer to it all.
   
2. Quit my job so I could spend more time with family and friends.
   
3. Go on a European tour.
4. Write a book (started... like 3. Someday...)
   
5. Stop and/or rewind time.
   
6. Use a remote control on other people to mute them, rewind them, fast forward them and pause them.
   
7. Be more tolerant of others. And by others, this week I mean people who speak in a combination of initials and letters.
   
8. Plant a money tree. How awesome would that be?
   

8 Shows I watch:
Not sure that I can come up with 8... but will include channel flipping.

1. Grey's Anatomy
2. Bones
   
3. Iron Chef America
   
4. Masterpiece Theater
   
5. Family Guy
   
6. The Daily Show
   
7. Colbert Report
   
8. The Simpsons

I am going to say, instead of tagging specifics, that if you, like me, need something to blog this week -- here you go. Consider this my gift to you.

Hugs and kisses,
sj

Happy Birthday, dude! And some other stuff.

Actually, it's not the blog's birthday.

It's my bloggy friend Pat's birthday. His *30th* birthday - which is kind of a big deal.

So if you get a chance, please endear him with happy birthday wishes and assure him that he is not old, particularly because every time he says that, it makes me feel older.

Pat, here's my gift to you:


What's that, you ask? What did I do this weekend? Well, I had fun. It involved singing Irish folk songs, singing karaoke (badly) after with my friend Henry (Pictured below. He's single, ladies. Just saying. Quite the catch. And totally made me look almost good at karaoke.) and some other fabulous friends and I topped it all off with a fun New Haven adventure that involved Frank Pepe's pizza *and* seeing dinosaurs (the Peabody museum at Yale).

All in all - good times.

The price of beauty...

I'm not sure guys know how easy they have it (although I think the Pretend Husband's toiletries-- deodorant and cologne-- versus mine-- full drawers of them-- are cluing him in...) But think about everything the ladies have to do on a routine basis-- pluck the eyebrows, shave a whole bunch of areas, sometimes wax some oh-so-sensitive parts. Apparently, we females are a pretty hairy bunch, but we do a good job of hiding that. But I'm not sure how easily I'm going to be able to hide the dreaded mustache. Scroll down to take a look and tell me what you think...

Be honest. Is it obvious?

Actually, this is in honor of the King's birthday. The King is the husband of blogger Isabel and he has a thing for fake mustaches. And yes, I do have a lot of work to do, but found making a fake mustache and posing for photos in it a good way to procrastinate. Why do you ask?

Oscar Night: Someone get the popcorn.

I don't usually do this kind of blog. And by usually, I mean ever.

I decided since my original Oscar night plans fell through, it doesn't mean the glamour has to be missed (was going to attend glamorous party in fantastic blue retro inspired dress, but j and I are having a rough weekend. and he's leaving for KC first thing in the a.m.). So because of this, I chose to bake and stay home and record my thoughts via text (to various friends, but notably, our blogger friends -- Poor, Pat. It must be annoying for someone who doesn't watch many movies but has much to say about people's outfits to randomly text you.) and Twitter, where I laughed out loud at our friend Andy.

I didn't watch any of the red carpet stuff until we got home. I turned in at 8 p.m. Now, I love me some Oscar fashions. Mostly, I am jealous. Mostly, I envy their perfect size 2 figures.

However. That said, I also think that if I had their budgets and figures, I could do better.

See?

I figured, no sense letting this great outfit go to waste. So I'm dressed up, old Hollywood style. It seems only right.

My initial thoughts on fashion:
Someone has stolen the sleeves off of Kate Winslett and Marissa Tomei's dresses.
Daniel Craig has to stand 10 feet away from Carrie.. I mean SJP in order to give enough room to her dress.
Jessica Biel, fire your stylist.
Amy Adams - love that necklace.
Anne Hathaway. Meh. Looks like Xanadu - the ballet.
The girl from Mamma Mia looks awesome.
The girl from High School Musical looks like someone went a little crazy with the bows.
Tilda Swinton is really beautiful. Last year, she scared me a little.
Angelina Jolie could probably wear a bag and look awesome.
Mickey Rourke scares me this year.
The girl from Slumdog Millionaire looks gorgeous.
Reese also looks like her dress changed its mind. It was going to have wide straps. And then, no. Narrow straps.


Other Oscar moments:
I was so hoping for song and dance with Hugh Jackman. He didn't disappoint.
FTW: did SJP actually introduce Matthew Broderick to an interviewer? Say what?
I forgot Roy Scheider died.
And I also forgot about Richard Widmark.
And the girl from Gone With the Wind.
And Cid Charese!
I was wondering what happened to the Heath picture, and then I figured they must have done something last year, because he died in January 2008.
"Wow. Slumdog Millionaire won again."

And granted, they're not over yet. But I'm going to guess that Slumdog wins best picture, and go to bed. I am hoping that Kate Winslett wins. Because she's awesome.

Let me know if I was wrong about Slumdog. I'm heading to bed.

Things Not to Do On a Date

First off, I know. I'm a serious blog slacker this week and last week. I'm really sorry. I'm making the rounds tonight, however, as I drink my third martini.

(Note from SJ: I started this Friday, but finishing Saturday. In the 24 hour period, I've had four martinis. I consider that a decent average. In fact, I should really make another one.)

My comments will likely get funnier, however -- so there's that.

But I was inspired by a friend of mine and a show that he saw that was seriously disturbing. Except that it wasn't the concert that was disturbing. It was in fact, the serious PDA issue going on.

So we had a discussion about the serious mistakes we've witnessed (or in my case, actually experienced) over the years. It brought me to this here list of skin crawling dating moments -- and just plain "you're doing it wrong" moments in my romantic life.

1) Your tongue is not a weapon.
I hope you've never experienced it -- but sadly, I bet a few of you may know what I'm talking about. Guys, when you stab your tongue so deeply and violently into our mouths that we can no longer breathe, it's not enjoyable. And that gagging noise is me begging for oxygen. Or trying to tell you something but can't form proper sounds because you have stifled me with TOO MUCH tongue. Incidentally, it is *never* okay to lick someone's face. Unless your name is Bailey and you're my springer spaniel.

2) DUDE. Get Your Hands... Off...
There are few things worse than being inappropriately groped in public -- particularly when you're, say, in line at the grocery store. There's a limit to my love. And that limit is in plain sight when I could run into my kindergarten teacher, or worse, my mom.

3) Ouch. Stop. Stabbing me with your chin.
Have you ever met the angry kisser? I have. He used to attack me. I'm not sure if he was so afraid of rejection that his method of attempting to kiss me was to do it machine gun style, but whatever the reason, it was a scary thing. I tended to dodge. I dodged once and nearly got a black eye, however. Note: This is far worse if the dude has sharp, pointy facial hair.

4) The neck grab.
Okay - now, I admit, that I do sometimes like a little -- minor -- forcefulness. Like for instance, we're in a heated debate over the election of 1912 (which, is highly possible. Have you met my husband? History geek. And I love him for it), and in order to shut me up, he decides to kiss me. Okay, so my husband doesn't do this - but I wouldn't mind if he did. However -- what is *not* okay is when the dude wrestles you from behind and puts you in a chokehold. This is least effective when the guy is your height or shorter than you. I'm not sure why they think the Vulcan neck pinch is acceptable and necessary to kiss you.

5) The Stone Lipped Man.
Have you met him? He's a really super awesomely nice guy. But somehow, he managed to turn 26 without ever learning how to kiss. I was about 22. We dated a few times, and he refused to make a move. Finally, one night after cooking me dinner, he attempted to kiss me. Only he somehow replaced his lips when I wasn't looking with cold, hard marble. It was just. I mean. No. Not good.

6) Sand paper face.
Before every date, I make a point to shave my legs. Even now, when my dates are going to Home Depot with my husband -- still I shave my legs. But goodness. Those make out sessions with guys who don't shave -- OUCH. I like having skin on my face. And I like kissing you. Don't make me choose.

7) The questionable move.
Maybe I don't speak for all women, but I know I speak for most of the ones I know: don't make us make the first move. It can be subtle. We don't need a hollywood kiss. Just maybe -- the brush of your lips across the cheek. A forehead kiss. Something sweet, romantic and subtle enough to let us know that you're into us. There's nothing worse than those limbo dates. And trust me - we do analyze these moments for hours on end. No pressure.

I'm sure I missed some things... and I would be willing to bet that our reading public has some good stories. So, let's hear them. Worse dating faux pas? Anybody? Is this thing on?

Man alive! Tagged *again*... I love being popular.

First off, please continue with our wonderful story featuring my parents, Joey Tribiani, Jen Aniston and Brangelina. I'm curious to see how this turns out.

The always awesome Sam tagged me yesterday in her myriad of posts, and because yesterday we stole Southern Belle's game, I thought I'd try Sam's meme before we continue the story that the Belle tagged us with.

The rules:

1. Link to the person where you received it
2. Share 7 random/weird facts about yourself
3. Tag 7 Random people at the end of your post and include links
4. Let 'em know they were tagged.

Now, these are always fun, and although I'm pretty sure you know every odd and random fact about me - like my M & M issues or all about my deeply held beliefs.

And I did just do something similar for my dirty mistress Facebook (and I confess that I may be repeating some of those). But I bet there's enough weird about me that I can come up with 7 more. Why not?

1) I have double jointed fingers.
2) I also am left-handed and have atrociously bad hand-writing, but it's worse when my hands are cold. I cannot write if my hands are cold. They cramp up.
3) My first pet was a sheep named Grey Grey. I was 3.
4) I always book my airplane seats near or on the wings. I'm convinced that will save my life some day.
5) I have no feeling on my bottom lip or chin on the right side, which gives me a crooked smile.
6) I cry at anything, including and not limited to bill boards, commercials, movies, books, songs and random thoughts.
7) I split my head open on the same rocking chair three times when growing up. You'd think my parents would have gotten rid of it. But no. It's still there.

And now!
My tags!

1) KAT, of course. I can't steal all the random fun.
2) Andy, although he did just spill 100 things about himself. This may be tricky.
3) Stephanie, because she strikes me as someone with fun peccadilloes.
4) Scargosun, whose blog I just started reading not too long ago, but she's such fun!
5) SRG, because I know firsthand how wacky she is.
6) Bryan, because he hasn't posted in a while, and this can be bullet-pointed.
7) Muffy, because she's damned funny and sassy and I dig her blog.

Okay, kids. Have fun!

current itunes song: "joy to the world" by the celtic ladies

Grab the kids, it's group participation time! (Our fun holiday game)

So I came up with an idea for a fabulous game and I have to say that I thought of it all myself, with no help from anyone. Especially not Southernbelle. What? You don't believe me because I'm making such a big deal about this being my idea? Fine, then. It wasn't.

Southernbelle hosted a really fun game on her blog that is still ongoing. It involves a person posting their wish in the comments (such as "I wish I could turn invisible at will") and other people totally killing that wish (such as "You can turn invisible at will, but the technology is still new so you are never completely in focus when visible") and then posting their own wish. You should definitely go to Southernbelle's blog and play!

But not before you play the other fabulous game she came up with and asked us to host. Here's how it goes. I'm going to post the first half of a sentence and  you're going to complete it in the comments and then post the first half of the next sentence. So, if I write "I hate it when..." you would write something witty like "...my mom makes me pay rent for living in her basement. But I love it when..." and then the next person would finish that sentence and write the first half of the next sentence. Got it? Because I don't know how I could make it any more clear (especially since Southernbelle summed it up in a sentence when she explained it and I just provided a paragraph's worth-- it must be the journalist in me). And if we come up with a good plot line, I will be claiming it as my own work and publishing it under my byline (you have been warned...)

So, the first sentence fragment is...

"The most annoying thing about the holiday season is..."

When real life and blog life collide...

Well, not really *collide*.

But kind of. Okay not at all.

Let me just try to explain. One of the blogs I follow, as you can see, from our happy reads there on the right... See them? Okay, back to me. Focus, people! ... is called Blog Like an Egyptian. I have no idea where he got that name. I assume he really likes the Bangles. And why not, really. But the funny dude that writes it is an editor at daily newspaper nearish to where I work. I've never met him. At all. But I read his blog. And I believe we have one mutual acquaintance. But that's it. He probably thinks I'm a crazy person.

But that would just indicate that he may actually know me.

And why do I mention it? For no real reason other than the fact that it's like I know him, but I don't, and neither do my friends. But I reference his blog in conversation with other people that I do know in real life as if they must have read it too and they must know what I'm talking about. I do this with other blogs too, but notably his, because he's in CT.

Evidence A: He recently blogged about Britney and Joan Jett. So I started a conversation with someone I work with right after reading his blog that was somewhere along the lines of, "So yeah, I'd spend $125 to watch that insanity unfold."

Blank stares ensue. Then I spend 10 minutes trying to cover like I didn't just have a conversation with someone in my head before speaking out loud.

Evidence B:
j: Have you heard from any of your friends today?
me: Yeah! Andy had this brilliant idea to come up with definitions for word verification... and sb is so my twin. Have you ever heard Aussie slang?
j: huh?

I confess the lines between our bloggy world and our real world can get fuzzy. And throw Twitter and FB and forget it. I have an electronic identity crisis.

I figure I'm not alone. Right?

I don't have a Flickr account, but I can still meme...

So the lovely Gucci Momma Stephanie tagged us with this meme. And I bet she thought we'd never do it.

Well. We would. It just took us some time. And honestly, KAT and discussed who was going to blog which days (we're NEVER that organized. but apparently when we've been drinking, we're all over the blog-planning), but I think in my martini haze, I just can't remember what days are mine.

But I know tomorrow is mine. And since KAT didn't post, it looks like today is mine too. Woot!

The rules of the meme were something to the effect of go to the 6th photo on the 6th page of your Flicker account and post the pic. And then go to the 6th page of pics on your computer and post.

So I did the next best thing. I chose the 6th album and 6th picture in iPhoto.

Tada!

So this was at my in laws house on Thanksgiving...

I'm *kidding.* Just because she yelled at me for not having children (true) it doesn't make my mother in law a bad person. ("I want to be able to enjoy them!")

And this?
Well this is just simply my 10 pound blue fish from last fall (you can tell because of the hair color. kind of like how you can tell the age of a tree by its rings).



And now I think we're supposed to tag some people to pass it on. But I don't remember the rules about that.

But I'm going to go ahead and tag people anyway.

How about:
the always funny and sweet Sam
le southernbelle (aka sj's twin)
scargosun
the adorable hp

does that suffice for tagging? i hope so.

Don't you already know enough about me?

I can't not get in on this little contest from our good bloggy buddy Andy.

That's why I'm responding to his challenge.
My mission? Write one post on my blog this week describing:
A) Something nobody knows about me, or
B) One of my favorites stories from my childhood, or
C) My 10 Top Favorite (Fill in the Blank).

And because you all know everything whacky about me - that leaves out a. And you all know I had a crazy childhood filled with goats, sheep, chickens and what not, that leaves out b.

So C it is.

My Top 10 Favorite uh... uh... let's go with - My Top 10 Favorite Holiday Things. Or:

Top 10 Favorite Things I Love About the Holidays

1) The days off. That sounds lame, I realize, but really. I couldn't be more ecstatic that this is a short week and that I will have the next four days off. The whole turkey thing is just icing. But not turkey-flavored icing. Because that'd be gross.
2) All the parties and reasons to get dressed up. I love getting dressed up in fancy holiday wear. And my company has a fancy schmancy party each year that requires me to get a new outfit every year. I loves it.
3) Getting to spend extra time with my family and friends. Holidays mean VISITORS! And ENTERTAINING! Two things I love, but don't get any of during the rest of the year. And I love cooking for friends. I just don't get to do it often.
4) Two words: Christmas Trees.
5) Two more words: Christmas Lights.
6) And two more: Santa Claus
7) Cookie swaps! I'm doing one through work this year. We had one in our family, but my poor sister got tired out with all of the stress it caused (and it's tough to organize and believe you me-- making 9 dozen cookies is no easy thing.)
8) ABC Family's 25 days of corny, lame, schmaltzy Christmas movies.
9) Slower month at work, allowing me time to regain my sanity and give me more hours in the week to work on all the year end crap I must face.
10) 24 hours of Christmas Carols.

Now, I realize that some of you out there may say "Boo - Christmas is so commercial. yada yada...."

But you know what? I don't care. Keep that thought to yourself, because I freaking love Christmas, all right?

And if I have to hear one more person complain about the fact that I am going to put up my two Christmas trees the day after Thanksgiving, they're going to find themselves at the sharp pointy end of said tree. Like a freaking Christmas angel, all right?

Quit your whining and enjoy the freaking spirit of the freaking season, people.

Happy Holidays!

Love,
SJ

A riddle wrapped up in a puzzle, wrapped in an enigma...

I’m doing an assignment by Andy at WildARS Chase to share something nobody knows about me. But I’m going to modify it to fit my needs (what? I get points taken off for that, Andy? Oh, c’mon! I will be talking to the dean about how unfair you are about grading!) Since I don’t have a “I was born a man but now live as a woman married to a man who has no idea” kind of secret, I’ll tell you a bunch of little random facts about me. You know, in case you feel like, up to now, I’ve just been oh-so-secretive about myself…

* I used to be a huge dork of the type where I actually have stories that start with “This one time, at band camp…” Yeah, I was in the band. In high school. And in college (but only three of my four years there in case that makes me slightly less nerdy).

* I’ve never been arrested.

* I have been locked into the back seat of a police cruiser, but only for a ride-along I did as a reporter.

* A farmer who owned goats and chickens, a Mormon, a cop, a guy who turned out to be cheating on his girlfriend and a guy 15 years old than me: it sounds like the start of a joke, but sadly, that’s just my dating history (uh, I’m sure this goes without saying, but my entire dating history took place prior to marrying the PH… just so we’re all clear on that).

* I bit my fingernails until I was in college. And then just stopped. I had never been able to break myself of the habit and I have no idea what made me stop suddenly, but I’m glad I did.

* I’ve puked only three times in my life from drinking, but they all come with funny stories (one involved a piece of bread falling out of my shirt, another was the SJ in bed with me with no pants on story that gets told quite often and the third included me ordering “cabernon sauvigner” with a French accent). I plan on stopping this train right here at the third station and (hopefully) not making any more stops because puking your guts out sucks… even when it includes a funny story.

What the critics are saying...

Funny Gals is the subject of much critical acclaim these days, garnering an award from one of our most faithful readers, WildARS. How exciting, huh? And while we originally got the award for some lame reason like, "They're so supportive. When one doesn't feel like blogging, the other one comforts her while she cries, tells her she's better off without him and does the blogging for her!" he later stepped up to the plate (OK, I admit it. I shamed him in his own comments section) and gave us a kick-ass reason for the award.

That's right, kids. Critics are talking about Funny Gals. It's the feel-good blog of the holiday season. Run, don't walk, to the nearest computer to get in on the funniest blog since "Funny Guys" and "Funny Grrrlz." Our first review is in, from WildARS himself, and it says: "Funnygal is kick me in the crotch fantastic."

End of shameless self-promotion.

My name is KAT and I'm an Internet addict (and I'm jones-ing for a fix right now!)

Poor, poor me. Guys, it has been SO HARD to be living without the Internet. I would try to describe it to you, but you sit there in front of your computer and you can't know just how much it hurts to not be able to do that. We've been living in the new house for two weeks now and I haven't had the Internet in all that time! (I know, brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?)

I've been able to scrounge up some time on computers belonging to friends and family, but it's just not the same thing, you know? I mean, it got so bad, I went out and got a job JUST TO HAVE ACCESS TO THE INTERNET AGAIN. (So yeah, there's some news from me... I actually went back to the job I had before the job that laid me off and, while I'm not loving it, it does mean little advantages like, oh, being approved for a mortgage and actually being able to pay the bills). But, anyway, the Internet technician guy is coming sometime between 8 a.m. and 5 p.m. tomorrow (like I don't have anything better to do for the entire day than wait for the dude!) and if he is able to get it working, I will not be responsible for hugging and/or full-on kissing him on the mouth.

Life is not the same without you all in my life (oh man, how sappy am I today?) But, seriously, I got a chance to poke around today in between bouts of work and it's like, Wow, Andy has a girlfriend? And Haute Pocket is moving? What else have I missed? Wah!

I've been stuck at home with no contact with the outside world and you people just continued living your lives with no regard for the fact I didn't have one?!? What's up with that?!? I mean, Mollymoo is probably married to George Clooney by now and running a billion-dollar martini party business. And srg probably not only finished writing her book (without any feedback from me for the aforementioned reasons...) but got it published and is working on the sequel! And tell me, did Mama KAT make it onto the Ellen show yet? I have had television, but the Pretend Husband preferred I spent the time I was unemployed doing things like "moving" and "fixing up our new house" and "looking for work" (that bastard!)

But again, I'm not letting the Internet guy out of my sight tomorrow until I am back onto the World Wide Web. Until then, you all need to simmer down and stop doing so much until I can catch up on my reading.

10 Things I Believe

i got this little writing prompt from one of our favorite bloggers. Kathy comes up with these phenomenal prompts each week - and this is the first time I have my act together enough to actually follow along.

it may be true that i believe in more than 10 things, but these are just the thoughts that came to me as i lay awake this morning trying to get the ambition to get out of bed and ready for work, and then some more that came to me in my ridiculously long commute.

1) i believe that you will fall in love more than once in your lifetime, and likely, at one point, you will fall in love with someone who is completely wrong for you -- but that doesn't make it wrong.

2) i believe life is short and you should never skip homemade desserts for exactly that reason.

3) i believe in the formidable power of a sexy black lace bra and matching panties under a well-tailored suit. i've rarely felt more confident and powerful than in my old favorites-- even if no one else could see what was underneath.

4) i believe that you are never too old for the comfort of a teddy bear.

5) i believe in a woman's right to choose, which coincides with:

6) i believe that everyone is entitled to an opinion, but they are not entitled to belittle others about their choices and opinions. i believe in a healthy debate, but only among willing participants. not everyone likes to share, and that's okay. unless you have a homemade dessert. then all bets are off. you had better share.

7) i believe in the healing power of a child's smile. whenever i'm feeling particularly angry, upset or bitter over something, all it takes is some time with my nephews before i feel fully restored.

8) i believe you should always read the book first.

9) i believe you should always use spf 45 and wear a hat in the sun but you should not freak out about the little lines that form around your eyes and mouth. there's a reason they got there, and likely it's from the good times (and bad) that got you to where you are.

10) i believe in having no regrets.

current itunes song: "let's hear it for the boy" by deniece williams

I'm an aunt (subtitle: how to make my sister giving birth all about me...)

Edited to add: Photos of my handsome little nephew are now up over at his very own blog!

You know you're related to a journalist when you wait for a slow news day to be born! I was sitting around this morning thinking about how I had nothing to post about and plotting how make SJ break something or show up to work without some piece of clothing in order to have something people will read about (admit it, those are the two main reasons you keep reading, right?). But, luckily, KAT's lil sis stepped up to the plate (the plate being the hospital) and hit one out of the park (i.e. gave birth).

Enough with the football analogies, though. I'm an aunt! Little Peyton Mathew was born this afternoon at a healthy 8 pounds, 8 ounces and what little details I know can be found at his very own blog.

I knew I wasn't going to be able to be in Florida for Peyton's birth, but it was harder than I thought to sit around waiting for his arrival once lil sis called to say she was in labor. I think the Pretend Husband could tell it was difficult because the first thing he said when I called to tell him about lil sis' call was, "Do not go to the airport."

So I didn't fly down for his first few hours, but this aunt promises she will be down within the first few weeks (let's hear it for being laid off! woot! woot!) and will not leave until she makes Peyton laugh.

Announcing a new arrival...

Hey everyone, Kat's lil sis just gave birth... to her very own blog! SJ and I finally inspired her to get on the blogging bandwagon (and it only took three years of reading ours to do it!)

Kat's lil sis can be found at Little Goochie and since it only has one post (hers) and one comment (mine), she could really use a visit. And, while she's no Funny Gal, I have to say her writing isn't half bad!

Consider this the Braxton-Hicks version of the announcement that Kat's lil sis has given birth-- the real thing is coming soon.

i'm obsessed with our new blog.

it's true. i fully admit it.

mostly, that map. that map is fascinating to me.

in fact, i'd like to extend a warm welcome to our visitor from Islamabad who came to us courtesy of the entry entitled: "No, I don't have the clap."

that *must* have been KAT's entry. i really think i would have remembered writing something so... well. so like so many of our entries. who am i kidding.

also, a shout out to our visitor from austria (i love schnitzel. just sayin') and the UK and all *over* the us. all the way up in seattle and all the way down in miami.

hi! thank you for stopping! we hope our odd little lives entertain you!

in an effort to appeal to our outside of connecticut audience, i'm going to try and learn little facts about each of your locations and share my new knowledge. today, it's going to be a little fact about:

red deer, alberta in canada.
the good folks in red deer are sponsoring a rain barrel decorating contest. i find this fascinating, really. because our rain barrels were giant blue plastic tubs that my grandmother used for years to water her garden with, and we kept those ugly things hidden behind the barn. it's nice to know that the folks of red deer have a nice little rain barrel tradition going on.

and yes, i have managed to figure out how the blogroll works, and as we continue to visit you out there, we'll continue to add to it. stay tuned! we love meeting new people... and we love that our "regulars"... like those from say, large insurance companies in hartford that lurk out there (see - i can *see* you now) and don't leave us comments... love our new look.

we hope that you visit our friends out there in outer blogospace and show them some linky love.

peace out, girl scout.

current itunes song: "kind and generous" by natalie merchant