At least she tried...

I'm stealing this story from kat's lil sis because it's hilarious and deserves to be shared with the Internet. Her husband (kat's lil bro-in-law) met a 21-year-old waitress who is VERY.EXCITED.ABOUT.EVERYTHING. She's a talker who shares many, many, many details about her life with her customers.

It worked to her advantage in the case of lil bro-in-law because she shared that she was an experienced babysitter and dog sitter, both of which sis and bro-in-law were looking for after they had moved to the area. So they hired her one night to babysit their kids (the two-legged ones).

Lil sis was annoyed as they got into the car to go out because it seemed the babysitter was spending way more time talking about how drunk she was the night before than she did listening to instructions about the kids, their bedtimes, their routines, etc.

When they got home a few hours later, everything was calm and both kids were asleep so lil sis figured the babysitter couldn't be all that bad. And, in addition, she told them she had cleaned up the kitchen a little and put the dishes from the dishwasher away. Which was very nice of her... except for the fact that the dishes were dirty!

So, lil sis spent the last few minutes of her night going through her cabinets and taking the top few items off each pile, hoping to find all the dirty dishes and putting them back in the dishwasher.

Yes, it was the longest delivery ever. I'm talking two years long...

The good news is that kat's lil sis and the cutest nephews in the world recently moved within driving distance. We decided to celebrate that by showing up on their first weekend in their new house (you can thank me later, lil sis, for the motivation to get unpacked and have the guest room set up within days of the movers dropping everything off).

While the Pretend Husband and kat's lil bro-in-law made themselves scarce with a guys' weekend away, lil sis and I wrangled her two boys and my one. One of our excursions was out to a mall, which was a bad idea for a lot of reasons. The mall was huge and crowded and no one seemed to care that I was pushing a stroller and lil sis had a humongous double stroller. We didn't so much walk through the mall as dodge our way through it.

At one point, I left my stroller parked behind lil sis' and ran to check on something in the kids' department. As lil sis stood there, a woman eyed the strollers and asked, "Triplets?" Aside from the fact that our kids don't look alike in the least, there's the small problem that one of them is two months old, one is nine months old and the third is two years old. But when you're trying to avoid getting trampled while keeping a two-year-old occupied and out of trouble, you'll agree to anything. "Triplets? Yes. Let's go with that."

This is also why the PH won't let me balance the checkbook...

In speaking with someone the other day, I mentioned my nephews and she asked how old they are. Forgetting that Peyton just celebrated his second birthday and trying to do the math in my head (carry the 1, divide by 16, add Pi...), I told her the boys are 18 and 10 months old. She looked surprised and said something about them being very close in age (and maybe something about kat's lil sis being a little nuts).

It wasn't until about three hours later that I realized the numbers I had given her-- numbers that are impossible unless Peyton was born a month early and my sister got pregnant, like, a week later (explaining why the lady looked surprised and thought kat's lil sis is a little bit nuts).

Explaining, also, why I now carry a calculator in my purse in case someone asks me pretty much anything involving numbers.

Funny runs in the family...

I am anticipating a visit from the two cutest nephews (Peyton is 21 months old and Wyatt is six months old) in the world in a few weeks and my emails to their mom (kat's lil sis) reflect that. I ended one the other day with "Tell Peyton I can't wait to give him kisses!" (referring to this thing he and I do where I sneak up on him, say "I'm going to give you... KISSES!" and then kiss his cheeks like crazy).

lil sis wrote back, "And what should I tell Wyatt?"

I responded, "Wyatt and I don't have a 'thing' yet. Tell him we will work on that when he's here."

lil sis then responded with, "Okay, he says he wants some kind of secret handshake with you. Something Peyton won't know about! Gosh, the sibling rivalry starts already."

Next option is a bikini-- and believe me, NO ONE wants that...

With the temperature soaring this weekend, the Pretend Husband and I decided to hit the beach. I had two options for maternity swim tops-- a black number my sister gave me and a black number I picked up somewhere. But, when I went to try them on, I found each of the tops had their own drawbacks.

Kat's lil sis is, uh, not as top-heavy as I am so the plunging V, which probably looked great on her and showed off a little cleavage, was more like the start of a strip show for me. And the other top fit well in front, but had one small tie across the back, essentially leaving my whole back (and large, pregnant butt) open to the elements (although I should clarify I had bottoms on so my wide butt was covered, but not at all camouflaged...)

Having to choose between an unflattering look I couldn't see (my butt) and one I could (my chest), I chose the one I could keep an eye on. The afternoon then consisted of my trying to keep from flashing the beach every time I moved, the PH throwing panicked looks my way when he thought something was about to happen and some weird placement of my arms in an effort to not teach sex education to the little kids in the area before they were ready for it.

Needless to say, I will be shopping for a new maternity swimsuit this week. Do you think they come in "turtleneck?"

She's either pregnant or trying to shoplift a soccer ball under her shirt

Another milestone in pregnancy-ville: last week, for the first time, a stranger noticed I'm pregnant. I was helping a woman who had come into my office when she suddenly asked, "When are you due?" My first thought was: "September." And my second thought was: "Boy, are you brave!"

Because, I don't know about you, but I pretty much won't ask a woman I don't know about her pregnancy unless a) she's wearing a T-shirt proclaiming her current state or b) the baby is crowning while she breathes through the labor pains. Anything else is just risky.

I've heard a bunch of stories lately from people who asked others about their pregnancy, including a guy who was attending a wedding with his wife. Trying to make conversation with a couple at their table, he asked the woman, "When are you due?" and was mortified when she answered in a frosty tone, "I'm not pregnant." There is just no recovering from that, and the poor guy spent the rest of the reception not speaking to the people at his table.

And Kat's lil sis is still miffed at the fast food worker who, six weeks after she gave birth, looked her stomach and inquired about her due date.

Although I was surprised someone had the guts to ask about my pregnancy, I wasn't offended. It means I no longer look like I'm just packing on the pounds, but the weight gain actually looks like a pregnancy. Now, strangers coming up and touching my belly? That's a different story.

Don't let SJ fool you. She didn't get pregnant for the blog-- she did it for me.

So, exciting times around here, huh? Although that's about all the excitement I can take until the funny kids arrive in the fall. So don't expect any more big announcements from us, unless SJ finds out she's having twins (ha! I love the look on her face when I say that!)

If you've come to know me at all through this blog, you know that I am not capable of-- say-- calling kat's lil sis and simply announcing, "SJ is pregnant too!" Nope. Instead, I called lil sis and said, "So I take it you're not going to be pregnant with me."

And she FREAKED OUT. "KAT, are you kidding? I had a baby three months ago!"

I replied, "I just thought it would be nice to be pregnant with someone."

She continued yelling, "Did you really think I was going to get pregnant so soon. Are you crazy?"

I think she would have kept going, but I interrupted and said, "I wanted someone to be pregnant with. Lucky for you, I convinced SJ to do it instead."

Silence. Then, "SJ is pregnant?" and all sorts of celebration on the other end of the phone (I'm guessing it was part excitement for SJ and part relief that I didn't seriously expect her to be pregnant again).

As I said in the comments (and have said to SJ in person a bunch of times), Congratulations! I'm excited to have someone to go through all of this pregnancy craziness with, I think it will be cool to have our kids so close in age (we joke that they are destined to be best friends or future spouses) and, on behalf of little sis, thanks for getting pregnant so she didn't have to.

Missing Callie

A good dog passed away today. Callie was our family dog for about 20 minutes before kat's lil sis became her master. And the two of them ended up living in more places than I've even visited (what does it say when your furry, four-legged niece is more well-traveled than you are?) I think lil sis said Callie made eight moves in her 11 years before finally settling down in Georgia-- well, as much as she could settle down with two other dogs and two kids in the house!

I was away at college when my family brought Callie home and didn't get to meet her for a few more weeks. But I am still proud of the fact that I was the one who named her, even from afar (and, after, I should add, a two-hour span of her being called "Hailey" before everyone decided the name didn't fit her).

A big, gentle German shepherd, she loved people and most other dogs. I didn't realize how big and powerful she looked until I started taking her for walks in the woods and watched as other people dragged their children and dogs off the side of the trail until we passed. It didn't help that Callie would choose those times to bark ferociously as I tried to both lead her past and yell, "She's gentle, I swear! She just likes to bark!" at the same time.

Kat's lil sis took wonderful care of her-- taking her for hikes in the Colorado mountains, letting her swim in the lake in Connecticut and talking walks along the beach with her in Florida (seriously, I think there are more photos of Callie in picturesque places than there are of me!) And Callie always adapted to it all-- even to the addition of lil sis' husband, two more dogs, one rambunctious toddler and a baby. She will be missed.

And that, my friends, is the last sad news I want to hear for the rest of my pregnancy. I can't handle bad news on top of these flowing hormones. When lil sis called to tell me the news, I think she stopped crying long before I did (in fact, I know she did because I'm still crying as I write this). Only happy news from now on, OK?

Oh, that? That's just God messing with me once again.

The Pretend Husband and I just got back from a trip to visit the cutest nephews in the world in Georgia. The nephew part of the trip was fabulous, but the weather? Not so much. I was hoping to leave home (where the temperatures have been in the 20s and 30s with snow at least once a week) and find sun and temps in the 50s so we could take walks, play outside with the boys, etc.

What we got instead was it snowing in that particular part of Georgia for the first time in 30 years. (I won't go into how it was hardly a dusting and yet schools were closed and the media was telling people to make sure they had enough food and supplies for three days-- despite the snow melting within hours). While the television newscasters were going on and on about how dangerous is was and how people needed to stay off the roads, kat's lil sis and I went out to get pedicures (seriously, the snow wasn't even sticking to the roads...)

Anyway, we were in the nail salon and the owner asked me where I was from. I told him I was from New England and joked, "Yeah, I brought all this snow down with me." And wouldn't you know it, but a tracksuit-wearing, big-haired, florescent pink lipstick-wearing, heavily-accepted lady in the salon spent the rest of the time I was there giving me dirty looks. I can't decide if she just hates "Yankees" or if she believed me about the snow.

My lady parts ache just thinking about it!

My nephew, Wyatt, is five weeks old and he's-- well, he's a hefty eater. To the point where I don't know how kat's lil sis gets anything done other than breastfeeding him. And that hefty eating has led to Wyatt becoming a hefty kiddo.

It started with his one-week check-up when the doctor told lil sis he wanted the baby to have gained seven ounces since birth. Our little overachiever weighed in with an additional 23 ounces! And that was just the beginning.

For his five-week check-up, lil sis was guessing he was up to 10 pounds (he weighed just over eight at birth). Well, that little chunky monkey tipped the scales at 12 pounds! A 50 percent weight gain in five weeks!

He now weighs almost half of what his big brother does (and Peyton is 17 months old). We're going to visit them all soon and all I can say is, there's a reason I've been lifting weights while watching television all week. I'd like to be able to hold my younger nephew without my arms giving out. Oh, and it makes me very scared for the delivery of my future children. I'm hoping giving birth to little linebackers doesn't run in the family.

I did it! I'm an aunt again!

Wait, what? Again with the whole, "How do you manage to make your sister having a baby all about you?" My response is, "Have you never read this blog? It's what I do."

Anyway, I did too do a lot to bring my second nephew (henceforth known as "the other cutest nephew in the world") into the world. I listened to kat's lil sis moan about being pregnant, last night I convinced her Peyton would be OK while she went to the hospital even if he is sick and miserable and I woke up at 3 a.m., 6 a.m. and 7 a.m. to text encouraging words to her (even if my "encouraging words" included, "Why are you texting? You have more important things to do!")

And so I take partial credit for the birth of Wyatt Thomas this morning at 8:02 a.m. (he's a New Year's Eve baby!) I have yet to see a photo. I hear he looks nothing like his brother, but everything like a kid I'm going to love just as much.

(The Wyatt Thomas link will take you to my sister's blog, where I posted the news-- but with different jokes-- and where you can leave congratulations if you'd like)

How the PH locked up the Best Husband Award for 2009...

The night before my birthday, the Pretend Husband asked if I was going to stay up until midnight to mark the start of my birthday. I looked at him funny and said, "No. Because I'm not 10 anymore." When I headed to bed, he was staying up to play video games, but said he would wake me at 12. Which I thought was weird, especially because I already had my one birthday gift, a purse I had picked out myself. So I told him he had better not wake me up without at least giving me a card (to which he asked me if we had any blank cards in the house he could write in...)

I fell asleep around 11 and, lo and behold, an hour later, he turned on the lights and the radio in our bedroom and yelled, "Happy birthday!" Then he handed me my Christmas stocking (yeah, I'm not sure of the connection, either...) and told me to open it. Inside was a small, wrapped box. And inside the box was an awesome piece of jewelry. For my birthday. From my husband. The husband who told me I could have either a purse or an electric toothbrush for my birthday, but not both, because we need to cut back.

And the story was the best. He remembered how I had mentioned more than a year prior that I had always wanted a certain piece of jewelry. Then he called my sister to talk about it (thanks for giving him the green light, lil sis. Feel free to do that anytime jewelry is involved!) Then he went to four or five stores until he found the exact right thing. And he got the gift on sale (that scores big points with me).

And the best part? He said he was so excited to give me the gift that that's why he stayed up until midnight and then woke me up. Because he didn't want to wait until the morning to see my reaction. I mean, who needs jewelry when your husband is so awesome? (Although, don't get me wrong, the jewelry is pretty nice, too...)

Behold, the power of the magic blog!

I knew this blog was awesome, but even I didn't realize the full extent of its power. It grants wishes! It's true.

A little while ago, I mentioned my dilemma of having to choose between a purse and an electric toothbrush for my upcoming birthday. After mentioning it on the blog, I went out to choose my birthday purse (because there's *no way* the Pretend Husband would ever try to choose one for me) and figured maybe I'd buy an electric toothbrush later.

But, then, a package arrived in the mail from Kat's lil sis yesterday, bestowing upon me an electric toothbrush for my birthday! A purse and an electric toothbrush! I'm living large this year!

So, given that I now realize the power of the blog, I think I would be remiss if I didn't remind the blog about my birthday and just mention that I have a pair of heels I have an eye on and could use some new drapes for the family room (you know, just in case it works...)

We may want to get the PH in on this...

This morning before I left for work, I was lamenting to my sister that she and the World's Cutest Nephew would soon be leaving. In fact, I had woken up in a bad mood because I am already counting down the hours to the tears (mine) that will be shed when they depart after a week of staying with us.

"Well, there's one solution to that," kat's lil sis said.

"Peyton stays here with us?" I guessed. "You move closer?"

"Ok, I guess there's more than one solution," she said. "But the one I was thinking of is, you have a baby of your own."

Um, yeah. First of all, not just my decision. Second of all, let's see how sad I am when I get home from work tomorrow to a silent house without any need for me to repeat "ba-ba-ba-bottle" or "Yaaaaay, Peyton!" a million times.

(***note to lil sis: Of course I'll still be sad. I'll just enjoy not having to keep an eye on the stairs, the dogs, all doorways or the phone every second. Boy, does that boy move!***)

Forget matching hand towels-- I'm happy when there's no hair in the sink!

I figured it was time to move the post about asking my mother-in-law to share her prescription drugs from the top of the page. But I don't have too much to write about because my life lately has been a whirlwind of cleaning and finishing up tasks around our house in preparation for guests.

Growing up, kat's lil sis and I shared a bedroom. And not peacefully. Kat's lil sis is a perfectionist of sorts and likes everything to be organized and kept in its proper place. And me? I'm not. At all. Our room didn't quite have a line drawn down the middle, but it was easy to see which half belonged to whom. Mine was the one that looked like a tornado had recently blown through, tearing all my clothes out of my dresser drawers and leaving them scattered on the bed, the desk, the floor, etc.

And, while I've gotten better about it over the years, I'm still not the perfectionist my sister is. Yes, I like things to be organized. Yes, I love how rooms look when they're neat and clean. No, I don't want to be the one responsible for keeping them that way. So I've spent the last couple days cleaning, organizing and de-cluttering (and even unpacking some of the boxes that sit in the corner 10 months after we moved into the house). Which is something I would do for anyone who was coming to stay with us.

But it's especially important this time because kat's lil sis (and the greatest nephew in the world!) is the one coming to visit. And I'll be darned if I'm going to give her and the Pretend Husband any more ammunition than they already have ("KAT used to make me angry by keeping the light on to read when I was trying to sleep." "She still does that! I hate it!") I may still annoy people by reading when they're trying to sleep and not all my clothes make it back into the closet the second I take them off (or, sometimes, for a few days after I take them off...) but my house will be neat when lil sis arrives.

Between the dogs, my on-the-verge-of-walking nephew and my own bad habits, I give it about 10 minutes before all my hard work gets undone.

We'll put this one squarely in the "better her than me" category

If you had the privilege of being an aunt to the cutest nephew in the world...

Would you do everything you could to convince your sister to have another child?

Would you pray that she would get knocked up so you could be the favorite aunt to not one, but two of the cutest nephews in the world? (or a nephew and a niece-- I'll take a cute niece!)

Would you hide her birth control when you went to visit in the hopes she'd throw caution to the wind?

Would you talk a lot about how Molly and Casey enjoy Peyton, but think it would be cool to have TWO cousins?

OK, I didn't do any of those things... and yet, kat's lil sis is giving me another niece or nephew anyway! Lil sis is knocked up, with child, has a bun in the oven, is expecting and is due at the very end of this year or the very beginning of next year.

She will be the proud (and probably very harried) mother of two children just 15 months apart in age. I'm not sure if I should be telling her "congratulations" or "good luck." But, either way, I must get to work on all the awesome (and totally inappropriate) Aunt Busty gifts in the quest to retain my title of favorite aunt.

The kind of busy that's just fine with me...

I've been very busy the last few days... way too busy to post. There's been a lot of eating in my life lately. Also, a lot of kissing, a lot of jumping, a little swimming, some burping, lots and lots of clapping and many smiles.

I'm spending a few days with the greatest nephew in the world. Look closely for the kick-ass bowtie and vest he wore for his baptism this weekend. Now I have to get back to the kissing, jumping, eating and clapping (lots and lots of clapping).

It turns out I married a 10-year-old (but, apparently, so did my sister)

Ever since the Pretend Husband and I got a Wii, we've used it in moderation. Sometimes we'd play a couple of nights in a row, then it would sit for a few nights. That is, until Kat's lil sis and her husband got one and kat's lil bro-in-law figured out how to go online and play against the PH.

And they haven't stopped playing since. Last weekend, they played for at least four hours straight (I lost track because I finally went to bed), taking a break only when Peyton needed a diaper change while lil bil was on baby duty.

And lil sis and I agree that it's getting a little out of hand... especially the trash talking (or actually, "trash texting.") There are a lot of "F" you's that go back and forth and the latest is that one of them texts or calls the other to tell them to "suck it." (When did I become my husband's mother because I find myself having to tell him to watch his language!)

But the best was lil bil's text message the other night after he got beat by the PH. The text talked about what he did wrong and how he'll win next time and ended with, "i'm so mad i can't sleep. i hope you fall out of the bed tonight."

Well, at least he kept it clean.

What, us? Competitive?

As it happened, Kat's lil sis and my good friend, Mrs. Matt, were pregnant at the same time and due only six days apart. So it was natural that would ask me how the other was doing, how much weight they had gained, etc.

And I wouldn't be named FunnyGal KAT if I didn't have a little fun with it, right?

So I kind of enjoyed filling in Lil Sis about Mrs. Matt's perfect pregnancy. She actually lost weight at the beginning of her pregnancy while Lil Sis was beefing up. And when Lil Sis was suffering from swollen ankles and all sorts of other maladies, Mrs. Matt had a cute little bump and no discernible weight gain anywhere else.

Lil Sis figured that since she was way more miserable (and due first), it was only right she have her baby before Mrs. Matt had hers. So, when I told her Mrs. Matt had given birth the day before, her response was "That little f#^&er!" (Actually, Mrs. Matt hadn't given birth-- she had only told me to tell Lil Sis good luck with her delivery and I translated it... hee hee!)

And it didn't help matters that Lil Sis spent 11 hours in labor while Mrs. Matt was in the delivery room for nine whole minutes (which she describes as "the most painful nine minutes I've ever felt..." but I've noticed she only says that when other mothers aren't around!) Yeah, Lil Sis is a little miffed at Mrs. Matt and her perfect pregnancy, delivery and child. So, of course we had to capitalize on that.

Last night, shortly after Lil Sis arrived at my dad's house with the best nephew in the world, I told her I had recently talked to Mrs. Matt (keep in mind these kids are 10 weeks old and their greatest trick at this point is smiling...)

KAT: "Mrs. Matt was asking about Peyton, how much he weighs and what he's doing."

Lil Sis: "What's her daughter doing?"

KAT: "She's close to rolling over and Mrs. Matt thinks she might start crawling in the next few weeks."

Lil Sis: "Well, they say boys don't develop as quickly as girls..."

KAT: "And she doesn't quite say 'Mama' yet, but she's been saying, 'Mmmmmmaaaaa..."

Lil Sis: "Oh my gosh, Mrs. Matt has, like, a genius child!"

Yeah, I'd say Lil Sis is still pissed about the nine minute delivery...

Would you be posting when you could be doing this instead?

Of course, the Pretend Husband and I may be more excited about being in Florida to meet our nephew Peyton than he is to meet us. Because when KAT's lil sis asked Peyton if he was looking forward to spending time with us, this was his response:


Oh dude, I'm totally pulling this photo out for prom dates. That will teach you to mess with Aunt Busty!