We'll put this one squarely in the "better her than me" category

If you had the privilege of being an aunt to the cutest nephew in the world...

Would you do everything you could to convince your sister to have another child?

Would you pray that she would get knocked up so you could be the favorite aunt to not one, but two of the cutest nephews in the world? (or a nephew and a niece-- I'll take a cute niece!)

Would you hide her birth control when you went to visit in the hopes she'd throw caution to the wind?

Would you talk a lot about how Molly and Casey enjoy Peyton, but think it would be cool to have TWO cousins?

OK, I didn't do any of those things... and yet, kat's lil sis is giving me another niece or nephew anyway! Lil sis is knocked up, with child, has a bun in the oven, is expecting and is due at the very end of this year or the very beginning of next year.

She will be the proud (and probably very harried) mother of two children just 15 months apart in age. I'm not sure if I should be telling her "congratulations" or "good luck." But, either way, I must get to work on all the awesome (and totally inappropriate) Aunt Busty gifts in the quest to retain my title of favorite aunt.

Dad, when I wrote "sex," it was code for "praying"

My dad called last night and said, "Tell the Pretend Husband I made some great soup from the turkey carcass he gave me."

I said, "Wait. Did you just call him the Pretend Husband? Do you read my blog?"

Dad said, "Yes, I read it all the time."

And then I died. The End.

Holy cow, my dad reads this blog?!? Even this post? And this? Oh no! Not this one, I hope! (I'm kind of hoping my dad doesn't know about clicking on links!)

Somehow, despite my begging my family and friends to read our blog, and pretty much plugging it every chance I get (I sent out an email telling people I was engaged, but linked to the blog if they wanted to read the whole story), I kind of figured no one had taken me up on the offer. Then, slowly, I have started getting comments that freak me out at first (how does my friend from college/neighbor/aunt know about that?!?) until they explain they have been reading but not commenting (you sneaky buggers, you!)

But my dad?!? I had no idea! I asked him, "Do you, um, feel like you know more about me than you ever wanted to know?" and he said, "Yes, and about [Kat's lil sis] too." (Ha, ha, Kat's lil sis! Now do you regret writing about your cervix?)

So, knowing that my dad reads this blog, I will now be writing about nothing but my church attendance, volunteering at soup kitchens, saving kittens from fires and that time I meant to wear black slacks, but got all the way to work before discovering-- ha ha!-- that I had put on my navy blue ones.

OK, I'm kidding. I will get over this shortly and be back to my usual raucous self. And really, SJ should be the one who is embarrassed. At least I never discussed nipples with my mother-in-law!

How bad a daughter-in-law am I? Start the voting.

OK, the question of the day... if you were throwing your sister a baby shower, would you invite your own mother-in-law? So, she’s no relation to your sister and is related to you by marriage. What do you say?

Don’t worry, there’s no bet riding on this or anything. It stems from the Pretend Mother-in-Law asking if she’s going to be invited to Lil Sis’ shower. I had been on the fence about it, but said yes when she asked. The Pretend Husband (who usually doesn’t give a crap about this stuff because... well, because he’s a guy) seemed horrified that I had considered not inviting her.

Of course, this is the dude who couldn’t wait to register for our wedding and is already pressuring me to have a baby shower (and no, I’m not even close to being pregnant!). Oh, and when he thinks the oil might be low in the car, he asks me to check it. He also stood by and watched me change out a couple of light fixtures in the house. So, yeah, I’m beginning to suspect he’s the woman in our relationship.

In any case, the PMIL is invited either way, but I still want to know what you think. Vote away.

What is it this time?

I’m beginning to dread daytime phone calls from kat’s lil sis, especially when she begins them with, “So here’s something else to add to the prayer list.” This time, she’s been diagnosed with low-lying placenta (which as she pointed out, could be advantageous if it helps keep the baby in her teeny, tiny cervix!)

This time, lil sis isn’t so worried– it means she’s going to get some extra ultrasounds and the docs are going to keep an eye on things, but expect everything to improve as time goes on.

Of course, I pointed out some of the bright sides of the situation and then asked, “Can I put this on the blog?” Lil sis said yes, but also wants me to point out that these are actually things that have been diagnosed by real doctors and not just her own neuroses (“ooh, my cervix feels small today… and the placenta is awfully low-lying”). And she wants to know if all (three) of our readers are sick of hearing about her girly bits (I for one could go for having just one phone conversation with her that doesn’t include the word “vaginal,” but that’s just me…)

In an effort to keep this from turning into a mommy blog, I will be dragging SJ out to the bars later this week and we will get hammered, hook up with random men and– if SJ’s lucky– wake up together in bed without pants on. Just for you, dear readers, just for you…

The only appropriate time to say “You’re going to be huge!” is to an aspiring Broadway star

Oh, man. It begins. This is the email I got from kat’s lil sis yesterday:

What’s wrong with people? Don’t they know not to tell a pregnant woman, who is already self-conscious about her size, that she is already big and is going to be huge? One of my employees kept saying, “you’re going to be huge” today and then told me I’ve gotten bigger from the back as well.

That’s it…I’m staying home until I have this baby. :(

Who does that?!? Employee, you may not realize it, but you’re dealing with a girl who gave herself tension headaches in the third grade. Lil sis has always been “the skinny one” and works hard to maintain her physique. And she’s been told she can’t work out because of her teeny, tiny cervix problem. So you can imagine how she’s feeling these days.

Although lil sis can be a tad bit on the sensitive side sometimes, I don’t think anyone would blame her for decking (or firing) this loudmouth. I emailed back and said she should tell that person they’re huge and then walk away while they’re trying to figure that out. Or I guess she could burst into tears (that would show them!)

Any suggestions for good comebacks?