I'm beginning to realize I'm kind of a b*tch...

So after picking on the poor ol' Pretend Husband for his freakish behavior when it comes to drawer organization, I thought it was only fair to show a glimpse of what he has to put up with when I'm around.

I was reminded about this past Christmas by a jewelry commercial on the radio this morning for one of those bracelets with the charms that get added for different occasions. They're nice and all, but very definitely not.my.thing. Just before Christmas, the PH and I heard a commercial for them and I started going off on a rant about how I would hate to have something like that and they're stupid and thank goodness I have a husband who would never buy me such a ridiculous gift... (the rest was drowned out by the very large foot in my mouth)

And that's when the PH told me to shut it, grabbed a bag from the jewelry store out of his closet and left. Turns out he had bought me one of those bracelets because he had liked the look of it with one special charm he had picked out. He had no plans to add all the charms, but thought it would be something I would enjoy having with the one charm. Yeah, I'm an idiot (a lucky idiot because, even after all that, he picked out a different-- very beautiful-- bracelet for me as a Christmas gift).

So, yeah, a little b*tchy, huh? THEN I remembered the Christmas before and the debacle I created that year. On my first birthday after our wedding, the PH presented with a gorgeous necklace that was accompanied with a note that said he picked out the particular stone in it because he knows it reminds me of my mom and for some other personal reasons (I know! sweetest guy ever!) And I loved the necklace and all was well and good... until he gave me the matching earrings for Christmas. They were beautiful for sure, but huge and not my style at all. And I was worried that they would stay in my jewelry box and never get worn because they weren't my style.

Then I found out how much they cost and that further convinced me to return them and put the money toward a mortgage payment instead. And, for the record, we returned them rather than exchanging them. Does that get me any points at all?

But, yeah, I realize I'm the shrew of a wife who can't gracefully receive the gifts my husband thoughtfully  picks out for me. And the PH must be a glutton for punishment because he hasn't given up yet.

On splinters, Rick Springfield, lack of sleep and yardwork

Hi bloggy buddies!

How's it going? If you've guess SJ has had a crapload of caffeine today, you are exactly right! Every thought of mine right now is magnified and running about 10 times faster than usual!

Freaking awesome!

So right now, I've had very little sleep because of my crazed addiction to work, which is second only to my crazed addiction to the office coffee maker. I can guarantee you this blog post isn't going to make much sense in paragraph form, so I've decided to bullet point my thoughts.

• I have a splinter in my finger because of seriously overly ambitious pruning in my yard on Sunday. The splinter is mostly gone, but I think there's still a piece left. A friend told me to put a piece of ham on it. I think she's just trying to make me look silly.
  
• Yes, I did yard work. About four hours of it, after getting 3.5 hours of sleep the night before.
• Because the night before I went to see Rick Springfield.
• Stop laughing. I'm totally serious.
• Yes, he sang Jessie's Girl. Yes, it was awesome. There was an encore.
• Again I ended up at a karaoke bar, and actually sang by myself. Thank god there were no video cameras.
  
• It gets worse. I sang a Jewel song. But at the time, I had a super awesome time. Sunday may have been a little tough, however.

Sorry, Interweb. That's all I have for you.

Just in case you thought I was perfect...

My boneheaded move o' the weekend came at a vineyard the Pretend Husband and I visited yesterday. As he was sampling different wines and the woman serving us was describing the "notes of butternut and apricot," I asked, "How do they get those flavors into the wine?"

She started to explain that different varieties of grapes produce different flavors, which I hope means she didn't catch on to the fact that, for a minute, I thought they perhaps crushed up butternut squash and put it in the wine.

Because I'm no (April) fool!

I was planning on writing up a post about the awesome April Fool's joke I was going to play on the Pretend Husband... and was even going to illustrate it with photos. But we got in a fight over the phone while we were each driving home from work, so I didn't think it would be a good time to pull a prank on him (letting sleeping lions lie and all that...)

But here's what I would have done... When we finally got to move all of our stuff into our new kitchen, I quickly realized there was no pen and paper on which to write down messages. So, I put a Post-It note pad and a pen in the large drawer that had a big divider to hold all our silverware, as well as random items like can openers, wine openers, etc. I must specify that each thing had it's own little compartment and I didn't think it was a big deal.

Well, the PH was not happy when he saw it. He took the pen and paper out, grousing about how I was trying to turn it into a junk drawer and it starts with a pen and paper and quickly turns into more pens and more paper and then other stuff until what was the silverware drawer is filled with junk, blah, blah, blah. I kept putting the pen and paper back in the drawer until I think he conceded defeat (as long as it's just one pen and one notepad).

So, after talking with my friend Flora the other night (who has been my partner in crime for many, many years and had been planning a prank of her own on her husband), I decided to turn the silverware drawer into a mini office. Pens, paper, scissors, paperclips, rubber bands, Wite-Out... I was even thinking of putting my laptop in the drawer. And, then, of course, I would have asked the PH to grab me a fork. It would have been awesome.

Am I the only one with an anal retentive spouse? I swear, the man will put up with a bathroom that would give germaphobes a heart attack, but will flip out over the number of items on the bathroom counter or a pen and paper in the silverware drawer. Oh, and don't even get me started about putting magnets on the fridge. It might lead to divorce.

Cruelest April Fool's Joke Ever

.... was my friend @jackmonson making me think it was Friday.

Jack is mean.

That is all.